Insomniacs (#1)

76. eternal

double update! 76 + 77

Luca.

I've reached home. Here, even as pained as we are, dropped down to our knees and holding each other like the skies themselves couldn't tear us apart. Even as this pain rocks through me, seeing what has come of her.

I've never seen her speak with such pain. Never seen her eyes portray more betrayal. Never been witness to such agony in her voice, so much so that she'd have rather believed me to be a hallucination.

I fucking did that. I ruined her. I broke her by leaving. All I can do are pick up the pieces again.

I had tracked her down and made my way here, my heart pounding a mile a minute as I pulled up outside of this party. I'd started making my way towards the house until my attention snagged on a figure, a little while away, walking down the street. I knew and I was walking towards her without a second thought.

When she looked up to me, her eyes bloodshot and so drunk she could barely stand. When I could see she'd lost weight and her mind was a storm, raging and wild and she was trying to shut it out with alcohol. When she looked empty. Nothing like my girl.

But then, her touch. Her fingers gently skimming over my jaw and my nose, my lips and my skin and I knew that she knew. Because it was that feeling once again, when the world was simply nothing outside of me and her.

I knew that I'd put her through hell. That I did this, to her and to us, all because I thought it'd be easier. For everybody.

Now, I hold her and she curls up against me like she can no longer bear to be strong, sobbing her pain and I have never known such guilt. And yet, I have also never been more sure of anything in my entire life; I will never let her slip through my fingers. Never again will I be the one to submit her to this pain. I don't care or know how but if we leave, we can leave together.

I knew her, inside and out. I knew that in a world of pain and grief, she only gave herself to me. And in my own world of isolation, I only gave myself to her.

A world where she doesn't recognise me from just the touch of my lips, the caress of my skin is a world not meant for me to reside in. So I hold her closer and my tears fall onto her shoulder and I whisper it again and again, "I'm sorry."

She clutches me tighter and I know she must hate me, she must feel such anger but she does nothing other than hold me. Like she's afraid I'll evaporate and god, I did this. What did I do? Why like this?

Her hands shake and with her forehead against my chest, she reaches up and grasps my face. Her thumbs caress my skin like the mere touch is grounding her. I almost shiver at the return to her touch. It's unlike anything.

The rest of my life. It'll be with Ria Romano.

Tenderly, I place my hands above hers and pull them down from my face because if I don't check, I think I might go insane. Tears continue to fall from us as I hold her hands between us, our foreheads pressed together. I turn them so I can see her knuckles and though my eyes are blurry, I gently swipe my thumbs over their redness. No bleeding. No fractures.

Her tears fall faster when she realises what I'm doing, "They're fine."

"I love you." I whisper like I can't utter anything else, our heads bowed and our foreheads together.