Distressed // Steve Rogers

4 - My Person

72 Hours Missing

Bucky stared at nothing. He just looked ahead and hoped for something to come and finish it all. He wanted the world to stop spinning or the skies to fall down. He wanted the pain to go away. But then when it did, and he was numb, he wanted the pain back. Because the pain was her. And he wanted her back. He wanted to fix it and he wanted to break. Bucky just wanted anything that wasn't this.

"It's been a long time James." The therapist before him sighed as she watched her patient struggle to keep his head up and his eyes tear free. 

She waited as he blinked back his pain before he glanced over to where she sat.

"I screwed everything up Doc." He whimpered and she sighed, she could smell the shame and guilt that dripped from him. "I don't know what to do."

*

72 Hours Earlier

"Come on Baby Widow," Bucky laughed as Jamie swung from his arm and he lifted her higher. "We can watch a film after dinner if we leave now."

Around them parents pushed their children on the swings and toddlers played in sandpits with spades and trucks. Jamie had spent the whole time climbing on Bucky, making him lift her high and throw her up into the air and soon a queue had formed of tiny faces all making wide eyes at him as they waited to be tossed up into the air too. Mom's surrounded him, gushing about how sweet it was that he spent so much time playing with the kids, some stepping too close, others closely watched by their husbands. Bucky smiled and laughed it off and made sure to stick closer to Jamie.

"I want ice-cream," Jamie demanded, her face twisted into the same pout Talia had when she wanted something and Bucky laughed.

"If we get ice-cream you won't eat your dinner and I slaved away for you."

This time Jamie laughed.

"You called the pizza man. I heard you. And you said you wanted pizza at seven. It's not seven." Jamie kicked her legs out in front of her as Bucky lifted his arm higher and she squealed with joy.

"Fine." He grinned as she giggled. "Ice-cream now and then straight home. Uncle Bucky's too old for all this play."

"As old as Daddy?"

He chuckled as he put her onto the ground and she held her hand out for him to take.

"Older," he whispered, glancing around them as if it was top secret, before tapping her nose with his finger.

*

"Mint Choc Chip?" He glanced up at the sign outside the small ice cream parlour as he dug in his pocket for some cash.

"Mommy has lemon. I want lemon."

Bucky laughed. Of course she wanted lemon. She wanted everything that made her like Talia. It was adorable.

"Okay little love. One lemon ice-cream coming up."

The door swung open and a crowd of kids pushed out, laughing over the boom of a sound Bucky knew they considered music, but it only offended his senses. He moved to the side, out of their way, as he glanced behind him for a second before turning to where Jamie had been standing, playing with a small puppy that was still tied to the sign outside the shop. But she wasn't there. 

His heart was in his stomach and the air was too thin.

"Jamie?" He span on his heels, his eyes sweeping the busy street around him, hoping to catch a glimpse of gold in the breeze, praying she had just stepped aside and was now playing a silly game. "Jamie?"