Just Remember You Will Always Burn As Bright (Gerard Way x Reader)

(Chapter 13) Melancholia

I lie in bed as I have for the past four days. The day was now Thursday and I was the sole person in the house. Gerard insisted on staying with me for the week, but no matter how much I objected he stayed. By Wednesday I'd worn him down and he gave in to finally going back to school. I'd felt even more guilt if his grades were to slip because of me. He still highly disliked the idea of me being alone, but I reassured him I'd be fine.

I finally decided that I should venture out of my dismal room. I'd only left my room for the occasional trip to the bathroom, but besides that, I was set in place. 

I grabbed a pack of Gee's cigarettes and a lighter that he left and went out on our back porch. I sat on the slowly rotting porch swing. I swayed back and forth in a gentle manner as I lit the cigarette and took a drag. 

I took in the dispiriting ambiance and let out a sigh. It was a dreary day, clouds blocked the joyous sun and would ever so often drizzle rain. The backyard was muddy and looked in disarray. Overall the whole scene put a deep frown upon my face and made me even more miserable.

I took another drag and my mind wandered back to everything that happened. Since the day Quinn passed, I'd done some intense thinking and I completely blamed myself for all of it. If I had never asked her to drive us to the mall she wouldn't have been gone. It was completely my fault and I was utterly wallowing in self-hatred and guilt for it. I could never possibly forgive myself for that. I'd just have to find a way to live with the fact that I killed my sister bearing on my shoulders.

Just as I was falling deeper into the hole of self-pity, I could hear the front door open and footsteps walk hastily upstairs. There was a moment of silence before the footsteps walked back down the stairs and came to the back door. 

"Hey Sugar," Gerard greeted as he sat beside me. "It's good to see you out of your room," He smiled.

"Yeah, the weather is quite depressing, but it was time I get some fresh air," I replied, looking at the soggy yard. 

"How are you doing? Any better?" He inquired and adjusted my face to look into his eyes. 

I tried to avoid eye contact to the best of my ability which displeased him.

"C'mon you can tell me anything. I'm worried about you, Y/n," He persuaded, his hazel eyes I was trying so hard to avoid making me finally give in. 

"It's m-my fault she's dead," I stated. "I-I can't live with that fact, Gee. I wish it was me who w-was gone, not her." I stuttered as I started to tear up. 

His eyes widened and as if on instinct, he pulled me in a tight embrace and pet my hair. 

"No, no, no don't say that, It's not your fault at all. There was no reason for you to take the blame for a fucking drunk driver crashing into us; It was completely that bastard's fault." He assured me, which I was hesitant to buy. 

"But I made her drive. If I hadn't, she wouldn't even have been in the car." I objected.

"There's no way in hell you could have know that was gonna happen, it was completely the responsibility of that motherfucker," He affirmed.

"I guess you're right," I said just to make him happy. 

"Mhm, I was asked to take you to get some clothes for the funeral which is happening tomorrow. Do you want to go now?" He asked.

"Can the guys come too? I want them at the funeral with me." I responded, pulling away from his chest.

"Alright, I'll tell them to come over," 

And with that, he pulled out his phone and called them all over. We stayed on the porch swing until they got to my house. We made some conversation that wasn't about anything related to Quinn's passing, which was nice for once. I felt like that's what our entire relationship was about, comforting me and nothing else. So it was great to turn the attention from just me and to the both of us. 

About fifteen minutes later, we heard the doorbell ring. We went to greet them at the door.

"Hey, Y/n!" Frank greeted enthusiastically. 

"Hi Frankie," I smiled as I was smothered in a big group hug. 

It was hard not to smile when I was with Frank. He was just such a childish goofball that always made you laugh. It brightened my day to see him, Ray, and Mikey because I'd not seen them in days. Yes, they'd texted me a bit, but that could never equate to seeing them in person. 

"Well let's go I guess," I said and we packed into the car.

We started down the road and to the mall, we talked as if nothing happened at all. It finally seemed as if I was reaching some sort of normalcy at that moment. That was until we drove past the spot where the crash happened. 

The glimmer of normalcy disappeared just as quickly as it came. Tears welled in my eyes, I turned to look out the window so the guys wouldn't become worried. The moments from that night replaying in my head. I let silent tears stream as we eventually arrived at the mall. 

Gerard opened my car door as I wiped my eyes so he wouldn't notice. But to my dismay, he noticed immediately. 

"It's okay, Sugar," He cooed as he quickly kissed the side of my head, before grabbing my hand and leading us to the formalwear store.

We got there and looked around, I had already decided I wasn't going to wear a dress. The guys all found their outfits, they were all some variation of the same thing, a black suit with a red tie. I decided to match them, the only difference being my suit having stripes instead of being plain black. We looked cohesive, almost like we were in a band or something. 

Gerard looked incredible in that suit, it was such a change from his usual punkish teen delinquent look. He looked almost vampiric, which was unquestionably attractive. 

Anyhow, we finished up there and headed out. Once we got back on the road, I detested passing that place again. This time, I stayed strong. I didn't shed a tear even though I felt my heart sink and absolute melancholy wash over me. 

We got back to the house, the guys came in and hung out for a while. We watched a film or two and they were on their way. 

Gerard and I climbed into bed, he practically lived here by now. We cuddled until he fell asleep. I lied awake, forcing my eyes to stay open so I wouldn't have to see some horrific nightmare. Whilst I was up, I was thinking of how much I was dreading Friday. 

Friday was the day of the funeral, which was the next day. I couldn't bear to see her lying in a casket and us all mourning her. She was so young and vibrant, and this would be the last time I would see her. 

Unfortunately, I lost the battle of staying awake, my eyelids shut and I fell into a slumber. Which of course was interrupted by a nightmare that awoke me early in the morning.