Just Remember You Will Always Burn As Bright (Gerard Way x Reader)

(Chapter 20) So Long To All My Friends

TW: Suicide Attempt

A/n: Before this chapter begins I'd like to say that this is going to be a heavy one to read, so if you are currently struggling with issues such as suicidal thoughts, please read with caution. I'd also like to say that whoever you are, you are beautiful and even if you think the world is better off without you, it's not. Things will get better eventually, it will just take some time. Stay safe y'all - Sav <3

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I sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing my knee nervously as I stared at my trembling hands. My mind was clouded with a thousand thoughts as I sat there, just thinking of the downward spiral that had been my life in the past while. The only things that kept me grounded in this world up to this point were the guys and Gerard. I wasn't even sure if that could continue seeing as the only thing we do when we hang out is talk about me and my problems. 

Yes, we do act like it isn't happening, Frank even makes an effort to avert my attention from my issues, but we all know it's just putting a bandaid over a bullet wound. Eventually, the bandaid will peel off and I'll plummet even further than I already am. 

I contemplated my options, there wasn't much to do. I couldn't bring back the dead and I couldn't magically cure myself. Even if I wished with every bone in my body that it was possible, it was not. 

The thunderstorm that was my mind cleared and through the unclouding thoughts, the answer showed brightly.

With my intentions sorted I slowly rose and sauntered to my desk. I pulled out a few pieces of paper and envelopes to coincide with. I started writing Ray and Mikey's letters, saving Frank and Gerard's for last since I was closest to those two. 

I finished writing those two plus another for my mother. I constructed my goodbye to Frank, there was so much to thank him for and say it was hard to compile into a page. The letter read as follows,

My best friend Frankie, 

When I first moved to Belleville, I thought it would be the same as life back in h/t. No friends besides my sister, being considered the social reject that was lots of fun to pick on. But, you proved me wrong, you showed me unapologetic kindness and a good laugh. You brought me into a friend group, which was the first one of those I had. 

Even though things were rocky at first between Gee, Julia, and me, we worked that out and became such a strong group together. I can't thank you enough for all the nights we all spent watching the cheesiest horror movies we could find, or making anything into a competition (Like when Gerard lost at chutes and ladder and ran down the street in a maid costume). All that was made possible due to your empathy and allowing me a chance. 

You were the bestiest friend I could have ever asked for. Even though I wanted to slap the shit outta you sometimes, I love you to the ends of the earth. See ya around Short Shit. 

P.s I'm officially allocating my pet rats to you. Frank Anthony Thomas Iero Jr, if you even THINK of mistreating my precious babies, I will personally come back and drag you into the depths of hell. Got it? 

Love you lots you freak. Truly yours, Y/n

By the end of that, I was in tears. I now had to write my goodbye to Gerard, the one that I'd been dreading. Of course, the news of my departure would be taken the worst by Gerard, but it had to be done. 

My love, Gerard,

First of all, I love you so much. I'm gonna end up saying those words an obnoxious amount of times throughout this letter, but no matter how many times it's written, I could never express how much I mean it. 

When we first met, I hated you with a burning passion and you felt the same. Through time and changing circumstances, our relationship and feeling towards each other did a one-eighty. You became the person I love the most, always being there for me during my darkest hour, holding me close, and singing me to sleep. If someone told me on the first day I met you, that we'd fall deeply in love together, I'd have told them they were insane. 

But despite our bitter beginning, we made it in the end. This makes you the hardest to say goodbye to. I know you'll struggle the most with my passing, but I want you to hold your head high, wipe your tears, and know that I'm not gone, I'll always be with you. I want you to know that this wasn't your fault so don't blame yourself at all. 

Remember me as I was when we were happy and clueless about the tragedy to come. When we were slowly falling for each other even though we would never admit to it. Keep hold of memories such as that first drunken kiss we shared at that party. And please, try to carry on. I love you more than you'll ever know Gee. 

Love you so much. Your Sugar, Y/n

I drew a little heart by my name and folded the letters into their respective envelopes. I set the five envelopes neatly on my nightstand and ventured downstairs. I grabbed some alcohol and trudged to the bathroom. I took a pill bottle out of the medicine cabinet and journeyed back to my room to my tragic end. 

~Gerard's POV~

I walked down the street, kicking a pinecone as I went. School had just let out and I was on my way back to Y/n's house. About halfway through my trek back to her house, my phone rang in my pocket. 

Pulling it out, I smiled a little seeing as the person calling was Y/n. I answered and my partial smile dropped, being replaced with my mouth cocking to the left and brows furrowing in bewilderment. Instead of my angel answering, it was the frantic voice of her mother. 

"Hello? Hello Gerard, you've got to get down here to the hospital. Y/n's been admitted for trying to overdose, she's barely holding on. They don't know if they can save her!" She cried, choking back tears. 

"Oh fuck!" I exclaimed as my heart sank within my chest. "I'll be there soon, bye," I said in a quieter, worry-laced tone. 

"Okay, just get here as quick as you can, bye," she said before I ended the call. 

Before my mind could process any of this, my feet started automatically booking it down the street en route to the hospital. It wasn't too far and it would have taken a lot longer for me to go get my car.

Hot tears spilled down my cheeks as I ran. 'Why would she do this?'  kept bouncing around my headspace as I kept going. Dread overwhelmed me as I entered the hospital lobby. I hastily stumbled over towards the front desk and asked the receptionist about Y/n. 

"I'm sorry sir, but Miss L/n isn't ready for visitors yet. She's in critical condition and the doctors are trying to resuscitate her. They're not sure if she'll come back." She said with a sorrowful expression. "You may have a seat until we hear any news though," she said, gesturing to the sitting area. 

I nodded and walked over to sit beside Y/n's mom. My body trembled and it seemed all my senses intensified. Suddenly I could hear my pounding heart thumping at an unusually fast pace in my chest. My peripheral vision slowly faded black inward until I couldn't see a thing. 

It must have been the adrenaline rush from the near mile and a half run here or the intense stressful worry for my love that weighed heavily on my shoulders that caused me to fall into unconsciousness. It all just happened so fast that my brain couldn't process a thing and my body took control. As I was dipping into unconsciousness I swear I could hear a loud, obnoxious beeping that then turned into a flatline.