Chapter TwentySeven - Mistletoe

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Charlotte's POV

She glanced at my wrist briefly before heading out to our guest bedroom. I tried to look into her eyes, but she was avoiding mine. I look down at my wrist, it started to get a little sore. The red mark starts to appear and become more and more pronounced. I rub my wrist softly. Charlie is rubbing her head against my side. I rub her head in return. I am not sure if I should go comfort Sam now. I am all she has, after all, but she will just cut me off like she always did. She has never really talked about how she feels when something bothers her. Actually, we both are quite bad at expressing how we feel.

I decided to go and check on her anyway. I knock on the door before trying to open it. To my surprise it was not locked. She turned and her sadden eyes met mine. I sat beside her and slowly takes her hand into mine.

"I will stay at Mark's for a few days," I said softly.

Clear water filled her eyes again. "No, stay here. I will go," she whispered, moving her hand away from mine before walking out of the door.

I just sat there trying to absorb everything that just happened. So, she came all the way back to surprise me and then how did we even start to fight?

I walked back down to the kitchen. I do not want her to go, but I do not know how to make her stay either. She is packing her stuffs back into her suitcase.

"Are you happy being with me? Am I making you feel happy?" She said, still not looking at me.

"You are." I simply said.

"Do you want to go and stay with Mark?"

"No."

"Do you want kids someday?"

"...."

"Do you want to get married?"

"..."

"Did you ever feel embarrassed of me?"

"...."

"Have you ever wished we have never met?"

"No." I quickly replied.

"Because I have." She said plainly. I swallowed.

"All we ever did was breaking each other's hearts," she added.

I look at her. She's still keeping her eyes down to her lap.

"Will I ever be enough for you ... ?"

Where did she get this idea from?

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I stayed at Mark's for a few days now. Playing with Alexis keeps my mind off thinking about Sam. Sam said I could have stayed but it is her house after all. I am helping Alexis putting up ornaments. We decided to go for blue and white this year. It is just a week before Christmas. The city filled with Chrismasy theme decorations, giving out such a homey vibe.

Staying at Mark's was alright since his girlfriend is out of town until Christmas, visiting her family. So, it was not so awkward. It was not helping though with Alexis constantly asking about Sam. I know he really likes Sam, but a thought of Sam just makes me feel a little sad and I do not know what to do either.

"Can I write a card for Sam?" Alexis asked me, holding up a Christmas card in his hand.

"Can we invite Sam here for Christmas dinner also?" he added.

Right. Who would she spend Christmas with, when I am all she got.

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I am in town searching for presents for Mark, Alexis and of course Sam. After hours of searching, I found a little something for everyone, including little Charlie. For Sam .... I do not know what to get, maybe a knife, just to get all those rages off her. It is not healthy. Ummm, what would that kid like. I walk around the mall thinking about it. I do not want to get a useless stuffs or worse a meaningless thing. I finally decided to go for the fluffy Christmas throw blanket since I know she spends a lot of time in her bed and she always buys cheap bedding when she moves. This way she can take this with her when she go back to study and get to sleep and relax in a comfy bed.

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It's Christmas Eve. I went to our house. I am going to spend Christmas with Sam, whether she like it or not, she is not spending Christmas alone.

"What are you doing here?" she said the moment she sees me. She looks like shit. Did she even shower?? Charlie looks fine though so at least she has been feeding her.

"Being with you. Please do not push me away." I hand her the gift and a card I wrote.

She simply takes it.

"Open the card," I instructed which she follows.

'Merry Christmas, Sam. I am probably sitting by your side right now, but please keep reading. First of all, I love you. You said  I have never said it (chapter 21), but I said it before (chapter 13),  you just did not hear it. In fact, I fell for you long before you think I did.

Honestly,  since the beginning, I cannot see a happy ending for us. You were so young. I do not want to waste your time. But when you came back, seeing you with another person .. being just as happy as you were with me was just breaking my heart. I know it sounds very selfish of me. I chased after you and we agreed to give it a try. I think a short time with you is better than not having you in my life at all, even though the goodbye would be even more painful.

I have never wanted to demand anything from you Sam. When you wanted to leave again, I did not say anything because I want the best for you, I always do. But Sam, I am a human too. My feeling for you is growing every single day. I know what I signed up for but I am scared everyday. I'm scared  that one day you would wake up and realise that this is not what you want.

You are the only one who can hurt me so deeply, but you are also the only one who can heal me. You are the one I love most even when you are hurting me.

So Sam, I am sorry if I make you think that I am ever embarrassed of us or that I do not love you. I do with all my heart.

Charlotte.'

"I love you." I whisper softly.

"OK," she replied.

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Sam's POV

Me and Charlotte are still not exactly in a talking terms yet, but we decided to go to the Winter Wonderland together because it is only a few days left that the fair will be there, and we both do not want to miss it.

The fair is packed with people and it is extremely cold. We are walking together, but it is a little awkward since we keep a six feet distance between us.

"Come here," she suddenly says before pulls me in for a kiss and quickly deepen it, which I give in by instinct.

"I am proud of us," she said against my wet lip. I looked down quickly, I did not expect that at all. I am happy, but surprised. She has never really show affection outside like this. But I get that she just wants to reassure me. I appreciate that.

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