Behind the Smile

Chapter 17

Promise POV

"Hey." I sat infront of Raya and she shot me a small smile.

She invited me out to eat and talk and I have no choice but to be utterly honest with her I owe her. I love her enough to give her that. I should have been sat down and told her.

"So I wanna start off by saying I am honestly so sorry. I apologize from the deepest part of my heart." She nodded. "Now where can I start."

"From the beginning." She shrugged. "I want to know everything, I need every detail and every setting. I want the raw filthy truth. Hurt me all at once not in little bits." I nodded.

"Okay so you know in 8th grade we wasn't friends, that is when me and Alyea was friends and then that is when I met Sha. I was already fucking him before we even became friends, me and Alyea. We were on thot shit and everyone knew it. When we started to rebuild our friendship yes there were motives and yes it was about me and myself but I really wanted a friend that pictured more for life. You genuinely show me that and after awhile I notice that you really wanted to help me and I really appreciated that and I realized you were my sister and yes it took some time but I figured that out."

"I wanna tell you what I feel is bullshit. How could I be your sister and you totally disregard my feelings. You have a lack of respect for me and I now see where it was streaming from the whole time. You let that girl really make you do me like that and I couldn't even imagine hurting you how you hurt me because you were my sister. You sat back and let her disrespect me every damn time she was around. I don't understand how you could sit in the room with her and let her talk about me for hours, me and August could hear her to and you never said shit or told her to be quiet. You just laughed with her, at this big age that is some fake ass shit." She expressed and I nodded totally agreeing with her.

"I just didn't want things to come out how they did. So I always play nice hoping that that will keep her quiet until I build enough courage to tell you. I was going to tell you literally probably that night. I genuinely didn't know how to tell you what I did because I didn't want it to distroy us, honestly. No matter what I was going to tell you. I love you so much."

"Why did you continue after I told you we were together?"

"Because Alyea got pregnant and I didn't want her to tell you. Then she started using that over my head and honestly the sex was good to 16 year old me. In a way it was a win-win for me."

"When did y'all have sex in the house?" I shrugged. "You know."

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"I'm the first month we moved in the house. His birthday when you guys were arguing. He came in my room and we started talking about something random and that is when it happened. He said that was the only way that I would leave him... he said that he would set me free from all of this by telling Alyea that he doesn't want to be with me anymore"

"How could I get pass this?" I am guessing she was asking her self. "I just can't fathom how? Just how?"

"I honestly was being selfish by putting you in these predicaments. I wasn't thinking about you or hurting you I was just thinking about how can I maneuver through all of that. I honestly don't know why I was so rude to you or mean to you. It was just jealousy I felt like your life was so perfect. It didn't help that Aaliyah was in my head telling me certain things about you. Raya I honestly am different now I see how we are the same in someways. You give me a different view on life. You help me and you love me when I needed it the most and that is why I can honestly say you have my heart. You are literally my world. I would die for you and I love you so much." I felt my emotion spike because she was right.

How are we gonna get past this. The shit I did to her was sick I don't even know why I did that shit so how can I explain it in a way to save something that means the world to me.

"Listen Raya I don't know why I did what I did honestly. I don't know how to explain it but I will tell you anything you ask because you mean the world to me. No one has ever made me feel how you did. You were the first person who loved me. I feel safe with you and it feels so good to love you as much as I do. I'll do anything you want me to do. I'll come back to the house and get all my stuff out."

"That's not necessary, You can stay. I don't know honestly what to do. August said follow my heart but all I feel is hurt and confusion."

"Maybe you were ready for the conversation and not ready to forgive me if you do."

"Yeah." She started to gather her stuff. "If you coming to the house tonight please call me first. The locks are the same." I nodded.

Raya POV

I hope in the car and I could contain myself. I burst in to tears.

I just don't know why she would do me so dirt like this. This was really someone I loved beyond measure and now I don't know what to do. I wanna just give in and forgive her but I can't do that to myself.

I pulled myself together and started on my way to august hotel.

"Hey baby."

"Hey August."

"You been crying?" I heard people talking.

"I just sat down with Promise and I love her so much. I don't know what to do, I spent our whole friendship tryna fix her cracks and bruises but I don't know how to fix this one."

"Baby you'll figure it out. You just have to let it answer itself, if you don't have the answer let it come to you."

"Who you with?"

"Tiki and sneak and a couple bitches and T and Jamal."

"A couple bitches? How many bitches y'all got over there and y'all all in relationships."

"They don't belong me just know that." He sighed. "You coming here tonight or what?"

"You want me to?"

"Do you want to?"

"Do you want me to?" He smiled.

"Stop playing games, I always want you to come where I am at."

"You know just what to say outta your fat ass mouth. I just remembered I'm mad at you for playing with me."

"How about you come sit on my fat ass mouth." I frowned my face at how aggressive he was and he laughed. "Come on though I am bored." I pulled up.

"Come get me daddy." He chuckled.

"You playing." I sighed.

"I ain't playing I ain't playing."

This man just don't know what I would do to him. Just kissing him make me wet. His touch, his voice, affection, attention, just everything is perfect.