Toxic - Rudy Pankow

Seventy Two <3

||Josette's POV||

My body feels as if it weighs a million tons and I ache like shit. I don't really remember much apart from standing in the kitchen with Rudy and feeling very very faint. I'd gotten so warm while out bike riding and I felt suffocated with no escape from the humid air. Being upset with myself didn't exactly help the situation either. The sound of muffled voices halt my thinking and then I feel a cold substance being placed against my head. Fuck that feels nice.

"Josie baby wake up please" Rudy's voice becomes more clear to me and my head almost breaks at how upset he sounds. Why is he so upset? Did something happen? I use my strength to fight back the sleep and slowly pull my eyes open. As I do so a sharp pain in my arm becomes prominent making me groan, that isn't a nice feeling to wake up to.

"Why the fuck is my arm hurting so much?" My voice is groggy from what I assume is being asleep for too long. My voice instantly gains Rudy's attention and his face is read and tears stain his face.

"Oh my god Josie you're away. Alexandra! She's awake!" He fumbles around the room quickly stumbling over to the doorway as Alexandra comes running in straight to my side. I was laid in mine and Rudy's bed, I knew that much.

"Josie, don't make and sudden movements. Just stay laid down okay?" She fiddles with something to the side of me and I turn my head to see what she's doing. There is a bag of clear liquid hanging from the bed post and she's fiddling with something that is attached to the tube of it. I follow the small tube with my eyes as it runs along the floor and my eyes still as I see it is attached to a needle that is rested inside of my arm. My heat beat instantly picks up and the panic sets in, the heaviness in my arm is unreal as I slowly reach across to try and pull the needle from my arm.

"No, no. Get this out, no" my voice is weak and I feel light headed. I finally manage to hook my fingers on the tube lightly pulling at it to bring it free from my arm. Alexandra quickly flys her hands towards my own pushing them down.

"Josie darling I need you to listen to me. You fainted and you're severely dehydrated. The baby's heart rate is accelerated from your dehydration and I need you to rest and leave the IV in your arm. We need to get your fluids up as soon and quick as possible" I fainted? The baby's heart rate is accelerated?

"I-is she okay?" My hand moves to my stomach and I relax when I feel that my bump is still prominent letting me know that she was still there.

"She's okay Josie but we need to sort out the dehydration and she'll be perfect again okay?" I can hear the worry behind Alexandra's words which only makes me more worried. Alexandra was never this serious.

"Rudy?" He appears in my view again and I instantly relax holding my hand out to him. He comes and sits down on the bed next to me and Alexandra leaves the room. He sighs deeply as he sits and takes my hand in his own. His hand almost fully engulfs mine and the feeling of his touch upon my skin makes me get goosebumps.

"Baby I'm here, I'm so sorry this is my fault. I wasn't thinking, I forgot to bring you water and I didn't think to remind you. I'm so sorry baby" his voice breaks and he looks down at our hands intertwined as a tear rolls down his face.

"Rudy I'm an adult, I'm capable of telling myself when to drink. This isn't your fault at all" I squeeze his hand before pulling it away and forcing him to look at me.

"I just, I was so scared Josie. One minute we were... well we were talking and then you just collapsed. I couldn't wake you up and I didn't know what to do or what was wrong. I thought I was going to lose you or the baby" I've never seen Rudy look so vulnerable and I hated it. I appreciate that he was being honest with me right now but seeing how distraught he was just about broke me. I never want him to feel like this again.

"I'm sorry Ru I didn't mean to scare you. But I'm fine, we are fine. Look give me your hand" I take ahold of his hand again placing it firmly on my stomach for him to feel the familiar thumping sensation "Feel that? That's our baby girl and she's fine. You have nothing to worry about anymore baby" I try my best to reassure him and he sniffles wiping his face before lightly chuckling when the baby kicks directly where his hand his placed. "See, that was her saying stop being a fucking sap dad, we are fine" he laughs at my stupid words before running his hand through his blonde messy hair, something that he would do when he was either stressed or relieved, right now I think he was doing it for a mix of the two feelings.

"You really did give me a fright there Josie" he tilts his head back looking towards the ceiling as if trying to shut the memories out of his mind.

"I'm sorry Ru, it won't happen again. Now can I have a kiss please?" I flash I'm an innocent smile and he rolls his eyes but does just as I ask and leans down placing a very gentle kiss on my lips as if I was fragile and going to break at any second. He pulls away after a second and has a look on his face as if he was battling himself internally on if he should or shouldn't say something.

"I know now probably isn't the time but it's been eating me alive all day. What was wrong earlier Josie? You were so off and quiet. You're never like that baby. What was wrong?" It's now my turn to looks down becoming nervous of his words. I was embarrassed by my reasoning knowing that I was simply being stupid but I could never lie to Rudy no matter how dumb it would make me sound.

"I felt self conscious and ugly. The girls were all in their bikinis showing off their amazing body's happily stripping off from the heat but me? Look at me, I'm a fucking hippo Ru. If I was to even take my top off I would feel so ashamed and scared of embarrassing you" the hurt from the thoughts happen all over again making me want to sink into the bed to avoid Rudy's stare. My words are truly how I felt. Everyone looks to Chase telling him how beautiful and hot his girlfriend is, for Rudy everyone must laugh telling him how ugly and fat I am. I didn't want him to have shit and hate from people because of me. I was an embarrassment and I'm ashamed of myself.

"Josie baby at one point we literally told you to take your shirt off, I know you feel insecure again them but who's body is literally creating a real life human right now? You Josie, you are and that is fucking incredible. I know your body may look different in this moment but it is perfect and I wouldn't want it to look any differently. I am still so fucking attracted to you Josie and you know that for a fact. Hell even your brother and Elaine know how attracted I am to you considering they caught us live in action" my cheeks burn red from his words and the reminder that my own brother had seen me having sex. He was right though, he had only ever shown signs of attraction towards me and didn't deserve my accusations of him not being attracted to me. "And as for you thinking that you're embarrassment to me, that is the biggest load of bullshit that I've ever heard Josette. I am so so so fucking proud of you and proud to call you mine. You are beautiful, you're amazing, kind, caring, compassionate and most importantly you're the mother of my child Josie. I am not embarrassed of you at all. I want to spend the rest of my life with you" I lunge myself into his arms at his words. He seriously was the sweetest most genuine guy I've ever met.

"I don't deserve you Rudy Pankow, you're far too perfect"

A/N
Hello my loves, finally a bit of a longer chapter!! I hope y'all enjoyed the slight bit of drama again, I missed writing drama chapter so I did. Anyways, what shows do you recommend on Netflix? I feel like I've watched them all by now.
Please vote, comment and share <3

- J x