My Testimonies and Learnings

Testimony #9 (English)

Tonight I was feeling down like my heart was crumpled like a paper. I turned off my phone and just lied on my bed, wondering if what I did or what I didn't do to make me feel like I was fighting against my own death. Then I told God, "Lord, nothing was satisfying. This is tedious." The world cannot give me peace and happiness no matter how I yearn for them; no matter what I do to fill my empty heart. It's like at the end of the day these things pass away and they're all gone once I lay my body on bed. Like in just one snap of a finger, I forgot what it feels to have joy in my heart.

Then it led me to thinking what I did earlier. Then I told God, "perhaps I hate serving people?"

I asked God, "Lord, are you calling me again?" Then it led me to the idea of reading the bible. Lately my mind cannot absorb what was written in the bible or even the bible verses I saw on socmed.

The first bible that I read was the NIV and I read some chapters of Psalm and highlighted the verses I needed to remember like Psalm 17:6-7. It says:

⁶I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;
turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
⁷Show me the wonders of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.

Minutes later, I stopped reading the bible then I went down the stairs. I just checked my grandma, thinking she needed my help. I was calling her but she can't hear me. When I touched her she was so shocked and blabla.

Fast forward, I headed back to my room and saw a bible. It was the first bible that I had back in 2013. But I didn't enjoy reading before and I didn't fully understand it.

So, I got the bible and decided to read it. It was dusty and I needed to wipe off the webs (or whatever it was called). I thought it was a different version compared to NIV. In my heart, I was praying that God will reveal something to me—so powerful that I might be enlightened and lifted up.

As I was skimming the account names, I saw "Jr" and I wondered what was that. I was like, "Jeremiah?" I opened it and I was right.

The Call of Jeremiah

4 A word of the Yahweh came to me,

5 “Even before I formed you in the womb I have known you,
    even before you were born I had set you apart, and appointed you as a prophet to the nations!”

6 I said, “Ah, Sovereign Lord. I do not know how to speak; I am still young!”

7 But Yahweh said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am still young', for now you will go whatever be the mission I am entrusting to you, and you will speak of whatever I command you to say. ⁸Do not be afraid of them, for I will be with you to protect you—it is Yahweh who speaks!"

The whole Jeremiah 1 reminded me of those times when I doubted myself if I could fulfill and follow my calling; to do what God has assigned me to do. I doubted if what I was sharing here in wattpad were true and biblical. If it was really God who spoke to me to tell you all these things. I was anxious because I was thinking what if I will commit mistakes? What if my intention was to lead you closer to God but you all just walk astray? Or what if I sounded bossy instead of being gentle?

Then I remembered what was Moses's concern too. He said he was not a good speaker and even requested if God can use Aaron instead. But what made me realize is that "God doesn't call the qualified but He qualifies the called."

I just realized that the reason why we are afraid of doing what God wants us to do is because we think that when we follow God, things get more uncertain. And for me, it's YES. Things get more uncertain if I follow God because I want to know what will happen next. I want to know if I am doing the right thing. But the brighter side of that is I became relaxed, at peace and unbothered. Yes, people will still ignore and reject me or even cancel me for sharing God's word to them but I keep in my mind that it is not me whom they are rejecting but God Himself.

Jeremiah 1:19

¹⁹ "They will fight against you but shall not overcome you, for I am with you to rescue you—it is Yahweh who speaks."

This is the promise God has given to all those who will obey and follow His commands. This is the thing we can hope for, we can be assured of because God will make sure His people will be left unharmed. He will not let the foes overcome them. He will protect them and will fight for them. God is on the side of those people who believe in Him, whose refuge and fortress is Him.

So, if anyone of you doubting and anxious of what will happen to you if you will follow and obey God, rest assured that He will take care of you. Do not focus on your strength but focus on what God can do. You will never know what change can happen to a single person who received Jesus as his Lord and personal Savior.

Ps.

I miss doing an everyday devotion and I even tend to ignore God's words sometimes when my mind and heart are overwhelmed. Sometimes or often times instead of soaking myself with God's word I isolate myself from everyone and just disconnect my heart from them, even to God. I am saying these things so you will know that I am not a perfect human being, neither a perfect Christian. I still stumble and I need Jesus, I need God to lift me up and put me back to my feet. I also need your prayers to help me get through this emotional and mental battle EVERYDAY. And let me remind you also that following Christ is an EVERYDAY DECISION. I pray that as you finish reading this, your heart and mind will be at peace. You will be enlightened and encouraged to serve God faithfully and to continue to walk in faith despite the trials we are facing.

The peace of God be with you all and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen.