My Testimonies and Learnings

Praises Amidst the Pains

Kanina habang naglalaba ako, I was just focused on what I was doing. Normal days with the Lord, nakikipag-usap ako sa Kaniya sa lahat ng mga ginagawa ko. Naging habit ko kasi makipag-usap kay Lord like I was talking to Him face-to-face. For some who don't do this, this may sound weird but I love talking to God kahit hindi ko audibly naririnig ang boses Niya. I just love spending time with the Lord regardless of what I am doing. Pero kanina, ang bigat kasi ng puso ko and I didn't feel like I have something to share to God. Nagpatugtog ako ng worship songs habang naglalaba, hoping it would somehow lighten my mood and my heart.

And then I said, "Lord..." 'Yon lang talaga ang masasambit ko kasi 'di ko talaga alam anong sasabihin ko-- if I was going to thank Him or to complain about the things happening today. Tapos sumabay nalang ako sa worship song and ninamnam ko 'yong lyrics until my heart felt like worshipping and connecting to God again. 

And then I broke down into tears. Umiyak ako sa Diyos habang naglalaba. Nag-alinlangan pa nga ako kasi baka may makakita sa'kin na umiiyak habang naglalaba. Nakakaawa pa naman ako tignan haha! But the best part of crying is to be able to pour out my heart to the Lord. And then I remembered one of my friends said, "Ang hirap kasi mahalin ni Lord kapag nasasaktan ka." Then I realized something too. Sabi ko, "who says ang hirap mong mahalin while we're hurting? All the more that I will love you, Lord!" Tapos iyak ako and then finally nag-settle na 'yong puso ko.

When we're hurt, it's easy to give up eh. It's easy to isolate and disconnect ourselves to people lalo na kay Lord. What happened to me earlier is something I never imagined that would give me realization and lesson. Hindi naman pala mahirap mahalin si Lord kapag nasasaktan tayo. It's just that, our hearts have this "coping mechanism" to isolate ourselves from people when we're hurting at 'yon na rin 'yong ginagawa natin kay Lord kasi akala natin mas kaya natin kung mag-isa tayo.

But I realized when we're hurt, all the more that we should love the Lord at mas sumiksik pa sa Kanya. Why? Kasi wala ng iba pa ang makakapag-comfort sa atin. Si Lord lang. His comfort is perfect. Ma-comfort ka ng tao pero may kulang eh. Naghahanap pa rin ng iba pang comfort.

After kong umiyak kay Lord kanina, I felt relieved and strengthened. The moment when I told God, "all the more that I will love You, Lord, when I'm hurting. Hindi kita iiwan, Lord. Hindi ako susuko Sa'yo," that's when I felt God's love and perfect peace. 

Alam mo si Lord? He's like us na gusto ring makarinig ng declaration of faith natin. What do I mean by this? Kung tayo gusto nating makarinig ng assurance from the people we love and even praises, si Lord ganun din. He wants us to declare that no matter what happens, no matter what it takes, mamahalin pa rin natin Siya at pagsisilbihan. Gusto natin makarinig sa ating partner ng "mamahalin pa rin kita kahit lagi kang may toyo", si Lord gusto Niya ring makarinig ng "Lord, kahit 'di ko na alam ang nangyayari magtitiwala pa rin ako Sa'yo." 

God wants us to express our love to Him. Gusto Niyang marinig mula sa iyo na hindi ka susuko sa Kanya at magtitiwala ka pa rin sa mga plano Niya kahit 'di mo na naiintindihan ang nangyayari sa buhay mo ngayon. It's a love language, tama ba?

And I praise God for today. Trully my heart is at peace right now while sharing you this. The Lord is always good and faithful. Darating ang panahon na mapapaisip tayo na "ang labo ni Lord" but I encourage you to never give up on Him. 

When God seems silent, hold on to His promises. 

Minsan parang "silent" si Lord sa buhay natin but the truth is He just wants us to trust Him. Tini-test din ni Lord kung hanggang saan at hanggang kailan mo Siya mamahalin. Mahal lang ba natin si Lord kapag masaya tayo sa Kanya? Mahal lang ba natin si Lord kapag ang dami Niyang blessings sa atin? Siguro naman hindi tayo ganoon. Sana nga hindi tayo ganoon kay Lord na we will just worship Him kapag okay ang buhay natin at kapag nagkakagulo na, tatalikuran natin si Lord and somehow may regret na pinili natin si Lord. I want you to know that pruning and molding are part of growing and trusting God in the process. Kaya kung ano man 'yang nararamdaman mo, give it to God. Iyak ka lang kay Lord at i-declare mo nang buong puso na, "Lord, hindi kita iiwan at susukuan kahit masakit na 'yong nararamdaman ko." In that way, I assure you, God will give you strength and peace in your heart. You will feel God's love and presence. 

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.