No Words Just Feelings

Trapped

The song attached is Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap :)) the live version is not that great so I recommend searching it on YouTube

But if you like upbeat music I would give Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo a listen :) the song is based on Hide and Seek

This will be in like third person and um what she says will be in italics so..

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The girl took a seat at her somewhat small desk and opened her laptop. She was limited but after begging and begging, she finally got her laptop. She treated the laptop like her life and no one understood what was so important about it. Everyday she wrote her life on that laptop.

The girl took out her millionth bag of Twizzlers and opened it. She grabbed one and started to bite bits of it taking her time to chew. She used her free hand to open the writing/typing software she always uses as her other hand was occupied by her candy.

She gathered up her layered hair into a ponytail and tied it with the hair tie she wears on her wrist everyday. Finally after trying to unlock that cage around her she keeps locked, she decides to type.

April 1st

Today I realized that I've been locking up my feelings from others constantly. I might sound absolutely stupid but.. it's true. I'm just a freaking teenager and why can't people notice that? Am I expecting too much? How could they want so much from me? Of course, those are unanswerable questions. Truthfully, I'm just trying to find my true self. However, I'm kind of scared to see what I really am. I'm really scared to see what I am under this horrible disguise. Actually, I'm also really scared to admit things. I'm terrible at it. But here I am. Finally doing it. I'm scared to cry. I'm scared to show how I am really feeling. I'm scared for people to know this girl, that people thought they knew everything about, will find everything I'm hiding. That they'd find what they don't want and just leave. I don't blame them for leaving though. I'm scared. To have to leave my loved ones behind someday. To have to know that I'm letting go the one I love most knowing he won't feel the same way as I do.
Who cares?! Who freaking cares, right?
I do. I. Do.
And I might sound like a psycho but I don't care.
I think I'm starting to lose my mind. You know what, whatever. I'm starting to lose myself, even more everyday. All day. I think I'm afraid to leave him. But I'm most afraid of him leaving. Him leaving without knowing the real me. Without him knowing how much I wake up, happy to be able to see his face. To be able to see his smile. His eyes. Hear his laugh. Hear him speak, even if it's not at me. I wrap everything around him. That one person I can't get rid of in my head. I do everything according to him. I dress like the way I do because of him. I smile the way I do because of him. I do everything because of him. Him... It's all him. All about him. Goddamn him.
I really try to tell him, trying to give hints, trying everything I could for him to know my true feelings. For him to know how much he's impacting my life.
Maybe that's all gonna go away soon but I'm trying to make the best out of it. I'm the one falling while he holds the rope. Guess who has to small end of the rope? I do. I'm can barely hold up myself now. Every time I see him now, I'm scared that I will break down in front of him. However, I don't want him to see what he's doing to me. I don't want to see him hurting knowing he's hurting me.
I sometimes can't eat because of him. I stare at that last message we sent each other. I feel like total crap knowing I'm just another person to him. He must feel sorry for me when messaging me.
Someday this is all gonna go away. Someday I'm not going to remember this. Someday I'm just going to laugh at myself at how stupid I was to fall down so hard for him. I was just starting to build up my concrete wall and he has to come and smash it down. Well, maybe I should thank him so he can finally go away. He needs to go away or I'll go crazy. He isn't going to apologize that's for sure.
"He's stupid"--"He's obnoxious"--"He's such an idiot"--"Why do you like him?"--"How could you like him?", my friends say. But I don't get it. I don't see that side of him. Do I need to? Is that what my friends are trying to tell me? Well I'm trying to tell them I can't see it.
I know I know, I'm doing the wrong thing of continuing this stupid crush. But what I've been meaning to confess is.. I'm not exactly sure it's a crush anymore. I know people say there's no real definition of love. Love isn't real. Love doesn't exist. Well, I've been blocking this away but I think I might've felt it. I think I feel every time I see him. Every time we pass by each other. This might sound like a fairytale but what else could it be?
You know that feeling when you want to let go and you can't? That's how I feel. I want to finally let go of him but when I do I come running back. As much as I want to hate him, I never will. There's so much to know. Not only about me but him too.
I want to know what he thinks about at night. I want to know what makes him smile. I want to make him laugh. I want to know what's his favorite song. I want to know what's his favorite book. I want to know what he thinks while eating. There's just so much to know, but so little time.
Maybe he'll finally realize I've been waiting for him. It feels like forever waiting for him.

She was about to type more but her mother shouted her name before she could do it.

"Heather! Dinners ready!" Her mom shouted from downstairs. Heather wiped away her long lasting tears and made sure there weren't any stains. She drank some water and made herself look- well made herself look like she wasn't crying the whole time.

Heather walked downstairs and sat at the dining table. She scooped a little bit of food on her plate even though she lost her appetite. She didn't feel like eating at all. She didn't want to. She just wanted to get some sleep. Holding in feelings is not that easy.

Her mother looked up right when Heather looked up from her plate. The look on her mothers face, was not a look she wanted to see again, but due to crying all the time that's not going to happen.

"Have you been crying honey?" Her mom asks and Heather shakes her head no.

"I didn't think you'll notice" Heather mumbles hoping her mom doesn't hear it. Luckily she didn't.

"What?" Her mother asked forking her food. Heather shakes her head once again. It feels terrible for Heather because her parents don't notice anything wrong. They never asked either.

"Sorry," Heather apologizes for what feels like the billionth time, "I'm just tired that's all. Can I go to my room?" Heather asks hoping, too, that her mom excuses her. Her mother nods her head yes and Heather stands up from her seat.

She walks upstairs and whispers, "Yeah, just tired", on her way to her room.

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Hope you like it! This came from the heart :(:

Anywayss LUV YOU
Haely <3