No Words Just Feelings

Letters.

For the last weeks of school I wrote Jason.. Some letters. Included in the letters were my deepest thoughts and dreams as well as the countdown of days. The days until the last day of school. A.k.a. the day he officially leaves the school.

I actually took the letters seriously while writing them. I thought about what I would actually say if he read the letters. I plan on keeping the letters and looking back at them in a few years to see how much changed.

I wanted to write a letter everyday, counting down from 12 days, but I only had the chance to write 3-5. I had a hard time writing the letters because I didn't know what to say to Jason.

For the first letter, I slowly made my way into my thoughts then the words got deeper and deeper of each letter I wrote him.

I had this idea, of writing letters to him, earlier in the year. It quite surprised me that I did it. I was scared about writing letters because of the state I was in. Hurt.

I was scared about writing letters because I might end up writing about other things rather than what I think of him.

I did enjoy writing to someone. It felt as if I was really talking to them and they were listening. It was like a judgement free zone. That's what I find special in letters. Letters help explain your feelings in some way. They set the right mood.

The last letter was my favorite one. I first wrote about how I thought of him. How special he is to me. Then it somewhat shifted into making sure he treated a girl right.

How Jason should treat a girl special. He should treat a girl like how I treated him. Or even better than I did. He should be able to be there for her and be anything she needs.

At the end of the letter I didn't sign my name. I haven't for the other letters. Instead, I wrote down a promise for myself. For me to never speak or think of him. I thought it would help me get over him. But it's not. The promise is only making it harder.

The letters helped me move another step but also made me think more about him. As I think of the letters, I think about him. When I think about him, I miss him.

Maybe I should write a letter to him about this. One more can't hurt.

•••••
So this is crap. I'm very sorry but this is a filler chapter oops.
Happy Wednesday :)
-Haely <3