No Words Just Feelings

July 28th 4 AM

MILD LANGUAGE

He returned to snapchat. Jason. Now I can't get him out of my mind. I made a mistake by opening his snapchat story. Twice. The recent one was "hmu if you're awake".

I have been battling against texting him for about 10 minutes now. I really want to text him because I have a feeling that it'll go well. Then I start to say the conversation won't go well at all and it'll be awkward.

All these feelings that I've had for him.. That were just about to finally leave and never come back.. Came back. Of course it did. Little motherfucker had to come back.

All these damn feelings about him are returning. I'm not a fan of these feelings at all. I hate them. I was enjoying my flow with them gone but now they had to return. Of course. Just my luck.

I just really think the conversation might go well. Why am I thinking of this?? Why do I have to overthink?? Just go talk to him. No that won't happen. All these constant voices are returning and are basically battling each other against my choices. They are arguing about Jason. One voice is saying how it'll go well and he'll be really sweet and if he wanted someone "hit him up" he must me lonely.

The other voice is saying the opposite. Of how everything will go wrong and I'll say the wrong thing and nothing will go right. Why can't he just disappear? Why can I just get rid of him already? This is all my fault for these voices. Why did I have to open his snapchat story? Of course I had to because I was curious. Nice job Haely. Ugh why does this need to happen.

I think that's why I've been having a hard time to write. All I think about is him. But the thing is, I write because of him. I write my feelings out. Why is it to write out my feelings this time?