Alone [manxman]

twelve:: when it's all clarity.

[Best Friend by Rex County Orange; the waterfall]

TWELVE: when it's all clarity.

              Ben wore tube socks. White Nike socks, over tight calves, beaded sweat covered the orangey tones in his skin. Black backpack and basketball shorts on top of compression shorts. He had big brown eyes, and a dimple under the right corner of his lip.

              His hair was tightly coiled, sweaty and shining in the sun, his smile was bright and he was scanning the calmness in the trees. Ben was... really fucking cute.  All of Jules' friends were.

              It was like watching him realize it for himself, I could see it. His eyes fixated on the back of Ben's head when our hike started reaching the hour mark. He didn't mean to, didn't even know he was doing it and I was definitely reading too much into it.

              But there was an averted gaze from the back of his head when Ben took a swig of his canteen or that one second where he laughed a little harder than everyone else at some joke.

              I'd been with him so long, I knew when he had a crush... he wasn't stranger to falling in love with his friends, either.

              I tried not to be jealous.

              Ben walked ahead of everyone, Andy and Johnny a step behind and Jules would linger through the group. I'd fall in line with Johnny at some steps during our hike and the slim boy would offer a smile, making small talk.

              It was refreshing, really, to be with people that enjoyed this kind of stuff.

              Maybe it was Jules' idea to hit the mountains... he'd probably brought that part of L.A. back. I wondered if him and Sullivan did this kind of thing all the time.

               Andy's almond eyes were wide, electric almost. A big blue that you could absolutely get lost in.

               I watched the way he interacted with his boyfriend, he was touchy, the same way he'd been with Jules that year. He laughed obnoxiously, but his half smile was so awkwardly cute. Andy was such a teen-movie type and I see why Jules still wanted to be his friend past kissing.

                 Maybe Izzy was right, maybe not everyone fucked their friends. Maybe I needed to relax because we hadn't even gotten to a stopping point yet and I was sure I'd crave a drink soon.

                 All I knew was if Julian asked me to hike to the moon on a Thursday morning, I would've said yes immediately.

                 And I had an assignment due on Monday.

                But Julian was into it and asked and I said yes, even if I had spent the night over his again and was sure my piece more space. I'd brainstormed line-work again, it juxtaposed the muted tan and mango colors that consumed the canvas. My style was slowly developing into minimalism and I knew that wasn't what Mike pitched when he bigged me up enough to get on Cleo Lavoie's radar.

               "Guys, look at that."

                Ben's voice was full of awe, and if my calves weren't burning so bad, maybe I would've rushed up the remainder of the mountain the way the other guys did.

               And as they ran up, Jules' laugh was insane and I watched in absolute awe. "Whoa—"

             "Waterfall!" That was Johnny, stripping off his backpack and grabbing his boyfriend's hand. "Drew c'mon." He was running down to the bank of the water then as I made my way up.