Alone [manxman]

three:: when you catch up.

[Paul; Congratulations by Mac Miller ft Bilal]

THREE: when you catch up.

With my surprise arrival, Jade had gotten the whole gang back together.

At least, she'd gotten those who were close enough to come and even with the subtraction of Benji, it almost felt okay. She made me get into the car as soon as possible and told me to go to the pizza joint, her voice way too energetic for the occasion.

My life hadn't felt so teen movie in a while so I found myself smiling, this place only held good memories. Michigan wasn't amazing, Brighton was where most of my pain had started but this little pizza joint wasn't all that bad. And it was great, pulling into the parking lot and watching Caspar fumble out of the car, bright smile on his face and he looked so much older, so much more put together.

Maybe when they'd gotten clean, they did it together but he looked happier, he looked so much more full-of-life when he'd hugged me, backing away to twine an arm around my sister and kiss her forehead. Next was Will and Pete, a blush on his cheeks, I was sure they'd been on him the entire ride and even if seeing him had made my throat close up, I was happy. He'd hugged me too, pulling me close and after coming out, he had been my first real friend, he was the first person who'd shown me any compassion. I couldn't let what Paul and I went through dictate Pete and I's friendship.

Andy and Johnny were next, it almost felt a bit surreal to see them together as they were barely public when I'd left. Before, their relationship consisted of gentle touches and private make-outs... it consisted of Andy claiming that there was too big of an age gap, of him not wanting to go for something he wanted because he was sure it would blow up in his face. Now, he had his fingers intertwined with brown ones, a smile on his face as the curly haired boy had greeted me, Johnathan Casey was older and he was Andrew Baker's boyfriend of a year now.

It felt so freeing to be here with them, so good and I hadn't felt that sane in a while. I hadn't felt so happy in so long, it was strange, like we'd gone back in time, like nothing had changed even though so many things, so many things were just different now.

But happiness never lasted for me, that tustve been why I wasn't that surprised when Jade had pulled me away, her mouth in a straight line. "Please don't get mad at me." Her eyes were on mine and I wasn't quite sure what she was referring to. Not when she'd said it and not even when we'd all decided to go in. I didn't see him until she'd navigated us to a table and the only one who hadn't looked uncomfortable was his brother. Paul's smile was small and he was twirling a straw in his water, eyes widening when he'd seen me. And then he stood.

: : :

My hands had started to shake a minute into sitting down and after everyone except had said their hellos. My stomach was churning with that same feeling I'd gotten every time I so much was thought of him but with him actually here, my heart had caught in my throat. It didn't feel real, none of it did not even as I stood again. The conversation that had ensued abruptly ended, everyone looking at me and I found myself curling my fingers around Jade's wrist and yanking her away. The look in Paul's eyes told me that he could tell how uncomfortable I was and he wasn't the least surprised. I was going to cry, I could feel my own body shaking and this time, I couldn't contain it, I couldn't push it away, I was crying then. We'd exited through the front door, pausing at the side, no one around and I couldn't get Paul off my mind.

He'd grown so much, not just mentally but physically. Paul's entire body was more defined. He'd been working out a bit recently, I could tell, and his hair was shorter than the last time I'd seen him. I wasn't sure when he'd started wearing more fitted clothing but not-so shockingly, it did him good. He looked amazing, he always did and just seeing him there in a fitted short-sleeve that he filled out so nicely, my chest ached. His map tattoo had now extended up his arm and disappeared into the fabric of his white-tee, I wondered if it connected over his shoulder-blade into the bamboo tattoo like he'd wanted before.