Alone [manxman]

fourteen: when you miss your lover, man.

FOURTEEN:: when you miss your lover, man.

                   It was impossible to avoid Carlos. In the exhibit, in the... parking lot, in the 'drinks after work' that I'd been dragged into by Tanya. I hadn't been able to avoid Carlos, we worked together and humans were surely not meant to withstand so much temptation at once.

                  Jules had been so attentive these past few weeks, there was a shift. He was bringing me food in between classes, he was asking me about my feelings and he was adamant on communication.

It felt like we were learning each other again, we were new and he had his spark back. He was all I could think about even sitting diagonal from Carlos — Carlos from high school Carlos — in some shoddy bar.

                  His hair was curling over his forehead, thick brows knitted together at the middle. He had a plain white tee, and a leather jacket he'd shrugged off... some torn jeans and cowboy boots -I could tell by the point at the toe. He was so focused on Tanya, who was rightfully voicing her notes on the lack of afro-latinx representation in media.

A few other people who'd been setting up that evening had rounded us and I could not remember any of their names, but a shiver ran up my spine when he looked over at me. Why was I watching him?

Carlos' lip was pouty, had been all night. I busied myself with my Heineken Zero because there was something so unnecessary about exchanging flirty glances with anyone who wasn't Jules. It didn't make my heart race, it did nothing for me really and I knew he would mind.

I turned, the stool under me felt too stiff for my taste but there were burly men playing darts and some old blue tune in the background, this place was kinda alright. It felt authentic, Carlos' cowboy boots did too. The moment I stared at my phone, Jules' smiling face popped up, that picture of him at the waterfall. He was calling, and nerves prickled at my neck.

It was too loud though, if I answered it would be a bigger deal than need be. I couldn't just tell him I was getting a drink with my coworkers. He would get the wrong idea. It's only 6, not too late to invite him. I want him here.

                      Can't talk right now, baby. sent.

Carlos was standing behind me, I could feel the heat of his chest on my back, he was leaning into me and I stepped forward.

He stepped up beside me, swaying into me to the beat of some cool soulful song. It was jazz night at Local. Carlos bumped his shoulder into mine. "We're not going on that date, huh?" His hip brushed into mine and he bit his bottom lip with those big brown eyes, almost hopeful, I felt bad.

He laughed so softly when I scrunched my brows up. "Sorry."

"It's cool." He shrugged, his beer hanging from his fingertips, he slung an arm around my shoulder and I tried not to overthink it. "You're finally dating your... roommate?"

I shook my head, pressing the bore of my bottle to my lips. "That ended in tragedy." After talking to Jules, he hadn't spent a single night in the apartment. It had been four days now and I was noticing that his things were slowly disappearing. He must've been dropping by when I was in class.

I wasn't sure if I'd ever see him again.

"Yeesh, buy you a shot?" Please.

Jules was texting me now, and his little thought bubbles had all my attention.
imy wya —short and sweet and I was ready to crawl into bed.