before you love me | jjk

prologue

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[Excerpt of ] Moon Narae's V LIVE | 7:17pm GMT | Tuesday 3rd December 2019

Narae had been on V Live for the past hour, giving updates on her life, playing music, dancing and engaging with her fans. She was closing up the night with a Q&A portion, trying her best to answer the multitude of questions they spammed in the comment section.

"Have I ever fallen in love before? Hmm... that's a tricky one." Narae paused slightly before continuing, "I think at that time I felt like what I was feeling was love, but now I look back on it maybe I just loved him and wasn't in love with him? I know sorry that sounds so cliché.... but yeah I guess, without getting too deep into the dynamics of it, I have fallen in love before, but it didn't work out."

Narae continued to read the comments, shaking her head in amusement, "You guys are so nosey! So many of you are asking why it didn't work out."

She thought about it for a second, pain momentarily flickering across her face before covering it up with a strained smile. She always tried to be as open and honest as possible with her fans – she believed they deserved that much – but she didn't want them to worry.

"Long story short, he was ashamed to be with me and I realized it too late...I don't want to get too much into it because it wasn't a time in my life that I look back on fondly, but that relationship really wrecked my self-esteem. He loved me, but not in the way that I needed... Rather than focusing on us and what we were doing, he was focused on how we were perceived." She continued, a genuine smile growing on her face as she thought about her best friend's words, "A friend saw how miserable I was and told me to go where I'm valued in my entirety, and since that wake up call, my standards have been set and I haven't really dated since then."

Narae scanned the comments again, laughing as she read them out loud, "Men are trash we been knew babe... He didn't deserve you – aw, you guys are so sweet... When I catch him I'm going to ch— ah I can't say that one out loud."

She looked for one she could answer and picked the first one she saw.

"Naraes wife wants to know what I'm looking for in a relationship? If you're my wife shouldn't you already know that?" She asked, raising an eyebrow at the camera, "I'm just kidding... Honestly, I'm not really looking for a relationship right now at this point in my career. I'm so focused on creating stuff for you guys, I can't really see myself doing the whole love thing. I feel like dating would be a risk to my career and I wouldn't want to let you down.

I guess then, if I was to be in a relationship, it would have to be with someone that makes me not care about that. Someone that I love so much that I'd be willing to risk my career to be with them. That, and someone that isn't ashamed to be with me and can love me out loud in the way that I need. I mean, this is all very hypothetical and I doubt that I'll find someone that fulfils those criteria, but that's what I would say for now."

Narae read another comment out loud, "You never know what might happen."

She just laughed, brushing it off. She thought it was cute how optimistic her fans were, but honestly, they didn't know what they were talking about.

She swiftly moved on to answer the next question, the fan's comment already long forgotten. 

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