R5 Imagine Journal

Trust

You showed up at the house teary eyed, and low spirited. Ross, and you had just gone through another one of your fights. You’d been having a lot of those lately, they seemed to get worse one after another. Each one came with a new painful scar on your relationship. Rydel opened up the front door. When she saw the same expression on your face she’d seen many times over these past few weeks, she knew what was up.

“Honey, come here.” She invited you into her opened arms. You nodded as Rydel grasped you in a secure hug. That’s when you finally let it all out. The sobs you tried to hold in all came pouring out onto Rydel’s shoulder. After your rush of emotion was over, you picked your head up, and stepped a foot back. You were still sniffling. “Come in, we can talk about if you want.” You followed Rydel into the house, and sat down on their white living room couch.

“I’m so stupid.” You mumbled.

“You’re not stupid! Now what happened?” Your memory jogged back about an hour ago to when you, and Ross were fighting in your apartment.

“What’s wrong babe?” Ross asked wrapping his hands around your shoulders. You jumped, and released yourself from his grip.

“Nothing!” you exclaimed. You crossed your arms.

“There is obviously something wrong.” Ross urged.

“Ross, its fine! Just leave it alone.”

“No, I’m not going to leave it alone, if there’s something bothering you I want to know what it is.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING THAT GOES ON OKAY, ITS MY LIFE!” you started to yell.

“WE’RE ENGAGED! IF WE’RE ACTUALLY GOING TO GET MARRIED THAN I DO WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I CARE ABOUT YOU!” Ross started raising his voice too. This is usually when the argument went south.

“ROSS THERES JUST THINGS THAT I CAN HANDLE BY MYSELF!” you angrily replied.

“YOU WANT TO BE BY YOURSELF? FINE. I’M DONE!” with that Ross stormed out your apartment, and slammed the door.

You snapped back to reality. Sometimes these fights were his fault, sometimes they were both of yours faults, but this time it was definitely your fault.

“I don’t know Rydel, I just kind of blew up at him for no reason.”

“What did you say?” Rydel asked.

“Well he kept asking what was wrong, and I told him I could handle it myself, and we just started arguing again.” you explained. Rydel looked at you confused.

“Why didn’t you just tell him what was wrong?” She inquired. Another tear started falling down your face. You shook your head.

“I don’t know.” You set your arms on your knees, and tucked your face into your hands. Rydel softly rubbed your back. You sat up again. “What if it’s over?’ you cried.

“It’s not over! You, and Ross still love each other.” You shook your head.

“But tonight he said he was done. I think he’s had enough fights. I think he’s had enough of me.”

“I don’t think that’s true. Ross probably just said that in the heat of the moment.” Rydel tried to console.

“Maybe.” You sighed. “Could I just stay here tonight?” You mumbled. Rydel gave a light sympathetic smile.

“I would say yes, but I think you should go home, and work everything out with Ross. Nothing good comes from leaving bridges uncrossed.” You shook your head.

“You’re right.”

**

You slowly opened up the door to your apartment, just in case Ross was sleeping.

“Is that you?” a voice called. Apparently he wasn’t asleep.

“Yea.” You answered. You walked into your kitchen to see Ross sitting at the table on his phone.

“Hey.” He mumbled.

“Hi.” There was an awkward pause. You sat down at the table next to him. “I was just at Rydels.” You spoke.

“Okay.” He responded still not looking up from his phone. A few awkward moments went by. You wanted to talk to him about everything, but you didn’t know how to start.

“Ross, could we talk about tonight.” You asked. He looked up from his phone.

“Oh so now you want to talk?” He retorted.

“I’m sorry okay? I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I didn’t meant to react like that there was just…stuff on my mind.”

“What was so bad that you couldn’t possible tell me about?” You shook your head.

“That’s not important-” Ross jumped up from his chair, and stormed out of the kitchen before you could even finish the sentence. “Ross wait!” you stood up, and followed him into the living room.

“I can’t believe after all of this, you still won’t tell me what’s going on with you. Is this how our marriage is going to be? Because we can’t get married if we don’t trust each other!”

“Ross, I love you…”

“But you don’t trust me?” He started to raise his voice. The tears started to fall again. “YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO WHY CAN’T YOU JUST LET ME IN?” He exclaimed. You could see there were tears starting to form in his eyes too.

“BECAUSE IT HURTS!” you yelled. You collapsed back on the couch, and started sobbing again. Ross sat down next to you on the couch, and wrapped his arms around you. You put your arms around his neck, and rested your head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry Ross.” You whispered.

“For what?” He muttered. You sat up, and looked Ross in the eyes.

“I do love you, you have to know that. Trust is just a hard thing for me…every time we have a fight you storm out that door, and sometimes I’m afraid you’ll never come back. You don’t know much it hurt when you said you “were done” earlier. In every relationship I’ve been in I’ve gotten hurt, and I’m just afraid…” A tear fell down Ross’s cheek.

“Baby I’m sorry, I had no idea. I have no way of knowing these things unless you tell me. I love you, and want you to be able to trust me.” Ross said. You nodded your head. “How about this, If you can trust me I’ll be more trustworthy. No more storming out, and no more unnecessary fights.” You leaned forward and rested your forehead against Ross’s.

“You mean the world to me Ross. I love you, and if there’s anything bothering me I promise I know I can trust you.” You leaned in, and lightly place your lips against Ross’s. After you pulled away Ross smiled.

“I love you too.”