R5 Imagine Journal

Riker Imagine - I Love You

“I love you.” Rikers words caught you off guard. He had never said that yet, neither of you had. You and he had only been dating for about two months. You didn’t know how to feel about it. You took a deep breath. How were you to respond? Honestly you believed you loved him, but you didn’t know how to say it, or if you even could. You shook your head, instead of responding you just leaned in and kissed him. After you pulled away, you grabbed both of his hands and interlaced your fingers.

“I had a great time tonight.” You spoke. His lips turned upright into a small smile. You couldn’t tell if he was surprised, or disappointed you didn’t say it back. Honestly you hoped he just didn’t notice. It was hard talking to him sometimes. He was perfect. You couldn’t find a flaw in him. The way his lips turned upright into a smile, the sound of his laugh, his memorizing eyes, and the adorableness of the glasses he put over them. Everything was perfect.

“I’m glad you had fun, even though the movie was kind of a bust.” You giggled.

“The walk in the park was worth it.” You smiled. He leaned over and kissed you on the cheek.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.” He spoke before turning to walk down the hallway away from your apartment. You heart dropped, as you watched him walk away. Hopefully he wasn’t disappointed or hurt by you. You put the key into the lock, and opened the door knob. You walked inside and shut the door. There was a little nightstand set up next to your door with a flowers on it. Next to the flowers was a Polaroid picture of you and Riker at a fair last week. You picked up the picture, it broke your heart. You leaned up against the wall, and slid down sitting on your wooden apartment floor. You stared at the picture of you and him. Tears started to well up in your eyes. You took another deep breath. You wanted to say I love you but you couldn’t. You just couldn’t.

**

Riker walked into his parents’ house. Stormie looked up from the couch.

“Hey sweetie.” She said sweetly.

“Hey mom.” He spoke, his voice cracking.

“What’s wrong?” Riker sat down on the couch next to his mom, and buried his face in his hands. After a few moments he sat up.

“I think I made a mistake mom.”

“What happened? Is it Vikki?” he shook his head.

“Tonight we went on a date, and after…I told her I loved her.” He mumbled. Stormie put her hand on Riker, and patted him on the shoulder trying to comfort him.

“And she didn’t say it back?” Stormie assumed. Riker was a little confused.

“Yea, how’d you know?”

“Call it mother’s intuition, and experience.” She winked.

“I’m such an idiot, we’ve only been dating for a little while.” Stormie looked at him sympathetically.

“You’re not an idiot, she just might not have been ready. Just because you were doesn’t make you a bad person, or an idiot.” Stormie always knew exactly what to say when it came to giving advice.

“What should I do?” Riker asked. Stormie smiled sweetly.

“Just talk to her, that’s the best thing you can do.” Riker nodded his head.

“Okay.”

**

The next day your heard a knock on your door. You walked over to it, and opened it up, revealing Riker standing there.

“Hey.” He spoke.

“Hey.” You were almost shocked by him standing at your door. You didn’t know how to feel, with the occurrence that had happened last night. “Come in.” He walked inside and you closed the door.

“I wanted to talk about last night.” He asserted. Your body got tense, your heart started beating faster. You didn’t know what you would say if he asked you why you didn’t say “I love you” back. “Look Vikki, we’ve been dating for about two months, and I understand if you’re not ready. Love is a strong feeling and if you don’t love me yet, I can understand.”

“No Riker that’s not it.” You should have just left it at that, but you couldn’t have him thinking you didn’t feel strongly about him. You really did.

“Then what’s wrong?” you fidgeted a little.

“I…I don’t…I don’t see how.” He stepped forward towards you and grabbed your hands, interlacing your fingers.

“You don’t see how what?” you shrugged your shoulders.

“I don’t really see how you love me.” He furrowed his eyebrows. He was displaying confusion on his face.

“What do you mean? How could I not.” He moved even closer than you already were. He head came to rest against your forehead. ”You’re fun, and amazing.” His eyes searched your face. “And beautiful.” You suddenly broke your hands away from his, and stepped back. A tear rolled down your face.

“STOP!”

“Vikki, what’s wrong?” Riker asked, concerned. You kept shaking your head.

“Just stop okay! I’m not, I’m not beautiful.” His hand brushed your cheek.

“Yes you are.”

“NO I’M NOT AND I KNOW I’M NOT!” tears flooded out of your eyes. “You know maybe we should just stop seeing each other.” His eyes dropped. You could see the disappointment appear on his face.

“What? Why? Is this because I said I loved you yesterday?” you shook your head. He tried to get closer to you but you backed away.

“No, because being with you…It…it just hurts too much.” You cried. You could see the tears starting to fall down his face too. You were never as happy as you were when you were with him. He was just amazing in every way, and that’s why you couldn’t be with him anymore.

“It’s hurt too much to love me so you’re breaking up with me?” he exclaimed. It hurt to see you were hurting him, but you had to do it.

“YES RIKER! IT HURTS TO BE WITH! DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?” you let out another sob. “Riker, you’re amazing, you’re spontaneous, and hot. You’re perfect and…and that’s why I can’t be with you, I can’t get my heart broken.”  You stuttered.

“I’m not going to break your heart.” He promised. You shook your head.

“No matter what, I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

“That’s not true. I don’t know what happened to you, or what made you feel that way, but I do know that I love you. Just tell me, please tell me why you feel like this.”  He stepped closer, and wiped a tear away from your eyes. You sniffled.

“I remember in high school, there was this guy. I had this huge crush on him. He was a jock, of course.” You kept sniffling between each sentence. “One of his friends knew that I liked him…so he told me that the guy also had this big crush on me. So when I went to ask him out, he told me I was an “ugly freshman that would never be good enough for him.” Riker’s face dropped. He shook his head. He grabbed you by the waist and crashed his lips onto yours. After a few moments he pulled away and wrapped you in a hug.

“I get it now.” He softly mumbled into your ear. “You can’t love people because you feel you’re not good enough to be loved.” He finally got it, he finally got you. He’s the only person who’s ever really understood you. “Babe trust me, if anything you’re too good for me.” He lifted your chin up. “You’re beautiful, compassionate, you have an incredible heart.” He looked deep into your eyes. He was so close you could feel his breath against your neck. He wrapped his arms all the way around your lower back, pulling your body into contact with his. “And no matter what any arrogant jerk high school boy says, you are incredibly sexy and I love you. But, I understand if you still-” you immediately cut him off by crashing yours lips into his once again. All this except more passionately. It was your most passionate kiss you’d ever had because you’d realized he really did love you. And you really loved him. All this time you had let one stupid guy ruin every relationship you had, and you weren’t going to let him ruin this one. Not when you were finally feeling something real. You pulled away.

“Riker, I love you too.”