The Sky's Secrets [COMPLETED]

Chapter 15

    I drank from the bottle of water that Nick got for me on our drive up here. It was nearly 4 am when we got to this place upstate. We were both quiet as we looked over at New York City.

    Like I said, the influence of alcohol was slowly subsiding but the pain and emotion I felt when I drank was still there. I could still feel the heaviness in my chest, although my cries were a lot softer now.

    I was still so angry. So frustrated over the last few days, that I don't even know where to start. But I just started talking. Whatever. Who cares how this will turn out? I have nothing to lose anyway.

    "I know that I don't have the right to, and I shouldn't be entitled to feel this way but I'm really really mad at you right now." that was the first thing that came out of my mouth. I felt Nick's stare when I said that, I didn't bother looking at him for I know it would only make me mess up my words.

    I just need to let all this out.

    "One minute you care about me and then you don't talk to me for days. You're so good at giving but even better at taking things away. I hate how you said we'd keep in touch, but you never even texted me once to ask how I was. Like it was so easy for you." I was starting to sob again. "I don't know if you do that on purpose but it affects me a lot. Because.. if it isn't already obvious, I like you." I managed to say.

    I can't help but feel proud of myself for saying those things. For speaking my mind. It felt good. So fulfilling.

    "And I'm so stupid. Because even if I hate you right now, I'm more glad that you're here with me. Because everything mattered to me. Even if I don't want it, you matter a lot to me." I say, wiping my tears away. "And I don't know if it mattered to you too—"

    "It does." he cut me off.

    I was taken back by his sudden honesty that it made me look at him. It was his turn to look away. Although he wasn't looking directly at me, I could see how he looked sad. He looked affected too. He looked exactly like me.

    "It was starting to matter to me so much that I got scared. So I stayed away from you, hoping it would make me feel things less." He started to say. I could see how he was breathing heavily, trying to calm his emotions. I didn't know what to say so I stayed quiet. I was still a bit in shock.

   "You once asked me why I never had a girlfriend." he continued. "I keep telling myself it was because I was just too busy. But, I know now. I wasn't too busy, I was just too afraid." he says.

    "Maybe I've seen relationships break with my own eyes, that I think I've grown to believe every single one of them ends up that way." he smiled bitterly. "I didn't bother with relationships. I was sure I wouldn't end up liking someone so seriously anyway. Other than the fact that I haven't liked anyone that much, I also didn't know how." he says calmly.

    "But then you went in the picture." he smiled. "I'm sorry if I've been hurting you all this time. I guess I was so caught up with my own self that I didn't realize you'd get hurt too." he says finally.

    I wanted to hug him.

    God, I was so fickle.

    We were wrapped in silence once more. I think we both were processing what just went on. I haven't really experienced any kind of confession from anybody so I didn't know what happens after that. But I did want to ask him one thing.

    "What about that actress?"

    He looked at me for a second before looking away. "I tried to distract myself with other people. I had dinner with Heaven one time, but it ended there. I already knew that kind of distraction wouldn't work even if I tried." he explained, sounding guilty.

    "Why?"

    "Because she's not you."

    The thought of him going out to dinner with the intention of dating her didn't sit well with me, even if it didn't end up that way. It hurt me a lot even if I didn't have the right to. I wasn't his girlfriend to feel betrayed or anything.

    I guess I was quiet for a while that I didn't realize Nicolas was already standing in front of me. He tucked in a strand of hair behind my ear as he held my chin to make me look up at him. The gesture was so small but the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. My heart felt like it was going to escape my chest, and I was hoping he didn't notice.

    "Hey." he says, as his eyes searched for mine. "Are you still thinking about that? I'm sorry. I promise, we just talked. That's it." he says, still looking at my eyes that tried avoiding his.

    He was so close.

    "It's okay." I just said. But still, he didn't move away. I felt like I was running out of oxygen because of how I had been holding my breath.

    "Are you mad at me?" he says, and when I looked at him his eyes were full of worry.

    He looked so soft right now that I think I was going to melt. I was a lost cause. I think I've fallen hard for Nicolas Leon. And when he looks at me like this, it makes me think he had fallen as hard too. Even if it seems impossible, even if it seems so wild.

    I shake my head. "It's okay. It's not like I'm your girlfriend for me to get mad at you for going on a date with someone." I was supposed to say it casually but it sounded more sour than I anticipated.

    "I don't consider it a date."

    I rolled my eyes. "Sure."

    I hear him chuckle. "You're cute when you're jealous." he says and I immediately frowned at him.

    "I'm not jealous." I denied.

    Gosh, I've been very honest earlier, I could at least keep this one to myself. It was embarrassing. I shouldn't be jealous. We weren't even dating!

    "Okay, baby." he says suddenly which made me turn away from him to hide my face.

    He needs to stop doing this to me. My god. I think I'm about to have a heart attack. I hear him laugh again.

    What was I, some kind of entertainment?! I'm so embarrassed, I knew I was so flushed right now.

    "I told you. Friends don't call each other that." I corrected him.

    "Do you want to be more, then?" he asked, looking serious.

    What's gotten into him today? Why did he suddenly decide it was the time for him to give me consecutive heart attacks. If I end up on a hospital bed, he and his words are the culprit.

    "But you're scared of it. I don't want you to be in something you're still scared of just because I want you to." I said.

    Regarding his question, I wanted so badly to be more, but I am aware of his fears and his childhood trauma from his parents. I don't want to push him into anything just because I liked him a lot.

    "I'm more scared of seeing someone else be this close to you." he says, sighing. I could hear the frustration in his voice. "I don't want anyone else to be this close to you."

    If earlier butterflies were going wild in my stomach, right now I think it's a whole zoo in there. I didn't know what to say. Nicolas was taking away my ability to speak or form a coherent sentence.

    "I want to try this with you, Skyler." he says, looking into my eyes. "No one else. Let's make it work. Do you want to?"

    I don't know how we'll end up. We might turn out fine or we might ruin each other to pieces. It was uncertain. But I didn't care. Everything I've ever hoped for was right in front of me. The thing that I once considered impossible was happening.

    Who was I to decline?