New camp director (Percy Jackson fanfic)

Secrets

     "How bad was the abuse? When you were younger?" Piper asked quietly, and I only shrugged, shaking my head. I wanted to smoke, I wanted to drink, just to forget this all. They all knew it to, they could see the exhaustion in my face, wrinkles on my face from frowning, red eyes and bags underneath, and the scar from being whipped in the face didn't help. It'd gotten me plenty of weird looks while I travelled through the US and Canada.

"Horrible, I was beaten so often for the smallest of things, leaving my room while Gabe had people over, speaking when I wasn't spoken to, or just defending my mom. But he covered my scent until I was 12." I shrugged, it was in the past, I've ignored it until
I forgot a lot of it, although I still remember the worse or it. "I've shut out my own memories though, I don't remember very much of it." This didn't ease their minds, they wish they knew, everyone wishes they knew!

    "Why do you seem so angry these days?" Nico asked, he should know the answer. Part of me argued to tell them all my dark, cruel thoughts, but I know when Mr Doc came back, they wouldn't be able to contain their thoughts.

    "Because I am angry these days." I grumbled, looking at my lap. Standing up, I grabbed a cigarette,  lighting it silently. "I'm so angry at myself, I've been angry at myself for so long and it's finally getting to me." I sighed, just don't say to much and I'll be fine. "Angry because I've ran away out of fear so many times, for allowing myself to get hurt, and for slowly becoming like my previous step father." I spat, and everyone sat silently. It surprised me when there was a knock on the door.

   "Hey, I heard everyone was in here." Jason said, barging in, followed by Hazel and Frank, great they probably thought everyone was coming for a visit. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw the cigarette between my lips, and I took it out, smiling nervously. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, this can't be happening they all have such bad timing fuck. "That is definitely new." He said, sitting down on the ground across from me, Hazel and Frank finding another bunk to sit on.

   "Why are you smoking?" Hazel asked in shock, and I shrugged, looking at the others for some help, but they were still in shock from my outburst.

   "Because it's my way of coping because I'm an angry bitter jerk, I think that's a basic summary of what's happening here." I shrugged, taking another drag before putting it out before standing up. "Not much happened, didn't miss much." I cleared my throat, standing up, and everyone took that as a cue to also get up and head towards the door, and I held the door open for them, making sure they didn't try to sneak back.

    "So how's camp been through the fall and winter so far?" Nico asked, raising an eyebrow, he was suspicious of me, I don't blame him, I am pretty secretive these days. Once I get my revenge it will all be worth it, they'll understand, and even if they don't, that's their problem.

"Not bad, Chiron and I did some work on the big house, we did another coat of paint and then we cleaned up the attic. We also got rid of the whipping stand." It was silent for a minute, they're no doubt traumatized from watching that, I'm traumatized from experiencing it. "We just did a lot of regrouping so far and making some changed." I explained lightly, and they nodded.

"Did you decide to go ahead in your decision to get help?" Jason questioned, seemingly desperate for an answer. Are you going to get help? His voice from months ago ran through my head, and I gulped. They all hoped that I would get help, they probably prayed that I would, especially Jason, because I told him I was falling back into depression and thoughts of self harm. The silence seemed like enough of an answer to him, because he just sighed quietly and shook his head slightly.

"I couldn't. There were monsters after me, because Mr Doc sent them after me because he didn't want me to think I could ever escape him." There was still no response, and I gulped, I can't keep being this way, change is needed, it can't keep being like this. "I've been thinking about reaching out online though, Chiron suggested a website that's full of demigod therapists and told me I can set up an appointment and he would pay for it." This seemed to relieve them a little bit, which made me thankful. Disappointing anyone is the last thing I want to do right now, because I'm already so ashamed and disappointed in myself, if any of them were to be, I wouldn't be able to hold myself back.

"Well are you going to get the appointment?" Annabeth asked, raising an eyebrow, and if she knows me the way she thinks she does, she probably knows the answer. They probably all fear the same answer, that I won't.

"No. Not until Mr Doc is gone for good." I spat bitterly, clenching my fist. Bitterness filled my mind, the angry thoughts came faster than I could even imagine, like a tsunami taking over an unsuspected town of civilians. They all seemed to notice this, so I bit my tongue and forced myself to calm down, the time will come, and then it will all be better, right?

"You good, Perce?" Hazel asked worriedly, placing a hand on my shoulder as if to calm me down, it didn't work, it just made me jumpy, nervous that I was going to get hit. If I showed any signs of fear, they didn't notice, which relieved me. They can't know that I'm afraid, I'll make sure of it.

"Yeah, just thinking." I sighed. That's exactly what's wrong, but I won't go into details with it, and they know it too, so they don't ask me about it. Suddenly I started to feel slightly dizzy, and I looked around, trees were spinning, and I couldn't see, but I could see someone in the trees, but I couldn't make out their shape. "Guys." I said, reaching to grab one of their shoulders, I don't know if they noticed something was wrong, but something was definitely wrong. I tried blinking away the dizziness, but once I blinked, my eyes didn't open back up, all I could see was darkness.