THOSE SUMMER NIGHTS

[42]

[42]

- EDEN -

-

I LOVED HIM.

The words had spilled out of me in the midst of all the pain and confusion rumbling in the cavity of my chest.

I don't remember exactly why I decided to say it at that exact moment, but I did. For a straight two hours, I had watched Renee brush her hands over Ethan's and his entire posture would deflate. Whenever she would laugh or would simply smile at something someone would say, his face would brighten.

The whole dinner, when my head should've been on the verge of exploding and my skin should've been fevering, it wasn't. With Atlas's hand in mine and the soft assurances whispered into my ear, I felt like I could be okay.

And sitting here, in a fit of tears on his lap, I felt like I was okay. No, I knew I was okay.

I was okay because my Atlas had his hands in my hair and his lips to my ear. I was okay because his warm skin was pressed against mine and his warm breath was lighting up my skin. I was okay because Atlas's heartbeat in my ear was the only assurance I needed.

Atlas hadn't said a word after my confession. His arm around my waist loosened a fraction and his fingers tangled in my hair turned limp.

The tears slipping down my cheeks had dried, but I felt the swelling of another sob deep in my throat. My arms around Atlas's neck fell for a moment and I pulled back, meeting his blue-grey eyes once more.

In front of me, Atlas had seemed to shed the mask he wore every day for me and for everyone else. Ever since I had slept in his arms the first time, I had watched the mask slip from his face. When his eyes shut and his breathing evened; when his thinking slowed to a soft whisper and he let himself really relax; I saw him.

I saw the Atlas he kept hidden in the deep depths of his body. I saw the Atlas that shrugged off his medicine just to feel his emotions without a drug to help him do that. I saw the Atlas that let himself stay awake for hours at a time, thinking about his past and his future. I saw the Atlas that saw every sharp object as a way to be free from his mind.

Atlas blinked at me and I waited for him to say something. If he didn't, I realized, I wouldn't be sad. The love I had for him didn't need to be reciprocated. All I needed was for him to know.

I ran my fingers through the loose curls of his hair and slowly down his temple and over his cheekbone. "I didn't know what this feeling growing inside of me was, but I realize, it's always been there."

Atlas's eyes flickered, confusion and doubt flashing through them. I held his face with my hands, feeling the feverish warmth that usually radiated from his body spread through mine.

"I love you," I breathed again.

- ATLAS -

On the grimey floor of a random street in Italy, she had told me that she loved me. She had looked me in my eyes, ran her fingers through my hair and down my cheek, and told me that she loved me. Tear stains still streaked down her cheeks and her warm body was on mine when she had told me she loved me.

She loved me.

But why?

My head hurt as my mind scrambled to come up with a reason as to why she would love me. I had done nothing, but be there for her when she cried or when she needed someone to talk to. Is that why she thought she loved me? I had taken her out to places she wanted to see and kissed her when she smiled. Was that why she thought she loved me?