The Ruins of Winter

Epilogue

Epilogue

I hate Iceland.

I don't know. I am not a nature type of person. I want to go to places that excites me more. Iyong may thrill. Iyong minsan, parang hindi ka pa makakauwi ng buhay. Iceland is so chill. It's not my personality. Kaya lang ako sumama sa pamilya ko noon ay dahil pamilya ko sila at gustong gusto ni Hera na makakita ng aurora borealis. Yes, it's beautiful... but it's not a place that I'll be going back to, again and again.

Biruin mo nga naman, naiflex ko pa iyon sa kasama ko dito sa Baguio. Iyon raw ang dream destination niya. Boring. But when she speaks of it, it sounds so interesting to me. Para bang gusto ko ring makita ang aurora borealis ulit. How interesting to meet someone like her... who can make these things interesting for me.

Oh, baka naman... interested ka lang talaga, Juan Luis.

Totoo naman. I never denied that. Who wouldn't be, anyway? She's so... challenging.

Daenerys Isabella Constancia is so challenging. She's beautiful. She's studying in Ateneo as a scholar. She's selling baked goods in PhilSCA for her own needs. She's independent. She looks so hard to crack. Ang taas ng pader, dude. Ang taas. Hindi ko maabot.

I am so intimidated, for the first time in my whole fucking life. Dahil sa unang pagkakataon rin, pakiramdam ko ay may taong hindi ako gusto. Funny, right. But I've been admired by everyone around me.

I am so loved, that's an understatement. Mahal na mahal ako ng pamilya ko, kaming dalawa ng kapatid ko. Sunod lahat ng luho. Girls and boys asked me to prom. Everyone is just head over heels for me. That's why I never want to take someone seriously. Sayang naman kung hindi ko maeenjoy ang atensyon nila. What an asshole, right? That's okay. No one wants to be serious around me too. Everyone is up... if its just for some laughs and games.

But Daenerys Constancia, she's more than that. I hate her guts. At first, she looked cheap to me. No shit. I don't judge people for their relationship choices but she's literally a mistress, betraying her best friend. Kadiri. I'm an asshole pero never akong kumabit o nangabit. For me, it's the lowest of low.

Kaya sabi ko, if she can fucking endure being with Tyrone and be a mistress, I'm sure that I can also get her.

Putangina, pre. Mali ako.

I don't fucking get her. Is she dignified without any dignity left? Is she sad or mad or happy or just plain cruel? Ang gulo niya. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang gusto niyang mangyari sa buhay niya. Or is she just fucking lonely? I guess she is. Since the first time I saw her, I realized how lonely she is.

"JL, let's dance!" Kelly said.

It's that one night... a random party. Hindi ko na tanda kung kaninong party. But it's a party. Fuck my explanation, basta party siya. Or I'm wrong... I think it's Kairo, my second cousin's birthday? Well, I don't give a fuck about him so I don't remember pero iyon nga yata.

"What's up, Kel?" Keon greeted her.

"What's up?" Kelly chuckled, she was an ex-fling, "Hoy, Juan Luis! Tara na kasi!"

Kelly pulled me to the dancefloor. Naputol tuloy ang pagtingin ko sa waiter na kanina pa paikot-ikot sa pagseserve dito. Hindi manlang siya umabot sa lamesa kung nasaan ako.