I'm always nervous.
With or without a purpose.
It keeps the lids on my eyes from meeting in the night.
Body & mind constantly in a state of flight or fight .
The dark bags I carry under my eyes are filled to the brim with late nights that transition into early mornings.
Even when my eyes are closed, my mind is always conscious.
Running through countless scenarios like algorithms - too fast for my brain to process it.
While I scorn my self for something I might of said, or done the previous day, or even 5 years ago.
But if you see me in public you might never know .
Having to perfect this master facade of being calm and collected.
Would you ever suspect it?
That when you're talking to me my heart is pounding and my mind is racing with thoughts that have nothing to do with the words that are moving your mouth.
Desperately awaiting for this whole encounter to be over.
So I can run back into isolation and re think it all over.
So enthralled with my fantasy life because that's when I have the most control.
Where my actions and words have no toll.
I can re write each scenario until I'm pleased.
Where I can communicate with others with such ease.
Where my crippling anxiety doesn't bring me into submission, on my knees.
No words leave my mouth in a unfamiliar setting with new faces that are conversing.
I'm usually too busy rehearsing.
What I should say next, where I should put my hands, what are they really thinking right now ?
I stumble through each encounter, sometimes barely making it out alive
Then I take myself back into isolation. Just another day of anxiety I seemed to survive.
YOU ARE READING
Collection Of Eclectic Poems From An Introverted Mind.
PoetryA compilation of poems narrating the very vulnerable thoughts of a very introverted, and often twisted, mind. The spectrum of emotions we all endure in life.
