Chapter Thirteen: No Humanity

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Nat's started taking the lead since she joined me. I'm not sure I like it. She is a bit of a bitch like this. But oh well I asked for it right? I know what you must be thinking, how could you do that to sweet little Nat? What can I say? I'm a bitch, it was a mistake, i fucked up, she's too innocent for this. I can't because until I want to feel again none of that means anything to me. I'm sorry but it's the truth, it's better to face it sooner rather than later. But whatever, she's my sister, so stop judging me. I can feel you glaring through my journal. It's not healthy for you to keep that look on your face for so long. Don't pity her, she lost the fight. Just like she lost the merge. I'm stronger than her. Together we will be just fine without you judging us. I know I'm going to regret this, I don't need your help. Anyway she's led us into town taking control again... "Kate compel some locals, see what you can find out. Shylo finds someone for us to feed on. A girl needs blood. I'll be back. Meet back here." see what I mean she's ruthless. 'A girl needs blood' what bullshit. I mean of course we need blood. But did she have to say it like that, it makes us sound like savages. Once again I can hear you thinking 'you created this monster Kate.' you think i don't know that. I do, I just don't care. Here I am compelling a little old man maybe 6'2, he's interesting though, old people usually are, for they have the most life to speak of. He was sweet nonetheless. "Have you seen a suspicious looking man, he would be a father and possible husband, goes by the name of Lewis?" I ask to calm my nerves As I speak. Falling under a lul like state from my compulsion, he responds gently "yes actually, well maybe not suspicious but the rest fits for Lewis Appenzeller. He seems to fit to a tee." Lewis that's his name, but is it him? I guess we will find out soon enough. I walk back to where Nat told us to meet her. Finding Shylo and a mystery person sitting on the bench nearby, I walk over to them. As I get closer I can hear the boy's heart beating loud in his chest. The best of it alluring, wanting me to step closer and take a bite. I take a seat next to him, look deep into his eyes and believe what I say to him so he will too. "You're fine. Calm down. I'm your friend. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." instantly his heartbeat calms dropping to a steady pace, one i can still hear but he calmed down. I close my eyes, letting myself listen to the thrum of his heart. Waiting for the next beat. That's when I realized he's humming to himself. "What are you doing?" I am more curious than anything. "You said I should calm down. You're my friend so I'm listening to you. Humming helps me feel calm when faced with really emotional issues." Humming? Humming helped him? I guess i wouldn't know i never did try it, but I guess I never really thought to try it either it was always Nat's coping mechanism not mine. Maybe when I turn my humanity back on one day I'd have to try it sometime. I'm thinking to myself listening to the boy's heartbeat still as Nat appears out of thin air, she must have been using magic. Lovely she's already using, her dark side is just loving being in control. "Sister." I acknowledge her appearance. "Shylo, what's your last name?" I ask hoping I'm right. "Appenzeller." she says plainly like this wasn't helpful information. "He's here in town." I say letting my breath fall. Next thing I know we are trudging around town looking for her father, with an extra body to our group. I soo learned this boy's name is Nathan. He's kind. Maybe I wouldn't kill him when I was done. Reaching over to wrap my hand around his neck and stop him in his place I say. "You're still fine. I'm still your friend, remember? This won't hurt, so don't make any noise." relaxing my face and tightening only around my eyes and mouth, I feel my fangs protruding, sinking them deep into his throat letting his blood run down mine calmly. He was desirable. And he definitely tasted desirable. Stop feeding, I tell myself. But I can't seem to. I want to but it's as if I'm not in control anymore. Thankfully Shylo forced me off of him. With what strength? I don't know. She was mostly skin and bones. Wanting more I force myself towards him again. With full strength, fighting Shylo the whole time. Thank god she wasn't human i would have snapped her in half to get to this bot right now, what's wrong with me? I've fed many other times with no issues, no need for more. But this time was different. I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I hear it before I know what's coming "Ossox." Shylo whispers my neck spinning in uncomfortable positions before breaking fully and then there's darkness, I welcome it though. It's comforting in a way. Thank you. For this bliss of not wanting. The way I wanted more was painful. I would have done anything to get to him. To feed once more. To drain his body until he fell lifeless to the ground. And i wouldn't care that he was dead. If I did, it would be because I had no more food.

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