The Twins

Chapter Twenty Nine: Falling For Someone I Shouldn't

I yawn and sit up, after last night I'm in no rush to get out of bed. Hell, after last night, my emotions are even more scattered. I considered that I might have been falling in love with Aiden. but ultimately, I think Aiden was just filling a mental void. Now that I'm looking at things from this perspective, Aiden actually reminds me a lot of Niko. I wince, thinking about him still hurts it appears. If I'm being One Hundred Percent honest with you and myself right now, Diary, I don't think I really gave up on Duchess Sophie Malroe. Is it possible that I could have misled myself so far as to believe that I had moved on from her and started falling for Aiden CrowBerry, Alpha of this pack I seem to be constantly around. Honestly I think it was just easier to tell myself, I had moved on from her, I think it was easier than the pain of our past. So I made myself love every little thing about Aiden, I made myself think I needed him like no other. But last night opened my eyes, for once I fully know what I want, I want Duchess Sophie Malroe. She's the only person who ever really understood me. I mean yeah Natalie understood me to a certain point, but when it came to the bad stuff Like Depression, PTSD, and Anxiety, I let myself get lost, Natalie never understood what it was like because she didn't have to. And for that I'm Grateful. If I could go back and change which one of us got depression and all that, I wouldn't. I'm glad Natalie isn't broken like me. She does have her own problems though, I won't deny that. But She's changing for the better. I realize I've let myself get caught up in my thoughts. I stood up, walking over to the bag I had thrown my clothes into the day I fought with the parents. I dig through it until I find a simple pair of pants, I know most women wear dresses. But Me and Natalie, and many other vampires all over the place, have taken to wearing pants and shirts, it makes it easier to move freely with our speed and jumps. I don't care how many snarky women in town loath me for it. I slide my pants on groaning when they graze the red mark on my stomach, the result of last night, it should be all healed up within a few days. I dig through the bag again, pulling out a cardigan, Perfect. I slide it gently over my head, so as not to mess up the bun I had just thrown my hair into.

I drag myself outside to the fire pit and walk over to Aiden asking if he could spare a moment for me. We walk away from prying ears when I say "Look Aiden, I think you're better off without me." I sigh. "No." is all he says, he turns on his heels about to walk off when I grab him by the arm and pull him back to me. "This Isn't up for discussion, I'm telling you I don't want to be with you." I've already started tearing up, reader. It hurt me to say that but he needs to know, I can't keep leading him on. "You can't mean that, we are good together Kate. And you know it. I have no idea why you're saying all this right now, But I don't think you mean it, not one bit." The tears drop. I can't hide them anymore. "I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be. I should have forgotten them long long ago, but I didn't, I held on to them. And I can't lead you on knowing my heart is elsewhere Aiden." I'm already balling, might as well rip the band-aid off fully. Right? "I...I didn't k..know." He says with a stutter. "How could you? I didn't even know until last night." His head snaps up and he looks me dead in the eyes. "It's Sophie isn't it?" I gasp softly. Had I been that see through? "I've been in love with her since we were kids. Hell, I'm still a kid. I'm figuring out what I want Aiden, Let me go. It's only going to hurt you, if you hold on to me." He leans into me and uses the sleeve on his long black shirt to wipe my tears away, leaning in even further and kissing me on the forehead before he says. "If you find that one day you're lonely and have no one, you know where to find me." I sigh "Until I outlive you." I say sadly. "I'm going to outlive most of the people here." "Just do something with that. Make something of yourself Kate. Promise me." deep breathes Kate. "I promise." I mutter holding back even more tears.