Regrets

Chapter 13

She half-expected him to laugh at how ridiculous she was. She was actually prepared for it. But what she didn't expect was the complete silence. She didn't know what he was thinking and she hated the uncertainties.

Before she could hear something she didn't want to hear she decided to walk away. Her house isn't too far and the night breeze might cool her nerves so she decided to go for a walk.

After hearing the sound of footsteps behind her, she knew Taemin was following her. She stopped her tracks and turned to face him. "What?" she demanded.

"Where are you going?" he was a few meters away so he had to speak louder so she could hear him.

"Home."

"On foot?"

"Why do you even care?"

"It's dangerous to walk on the streets at night."

She rolled her eyes before turning around completely ignoring him. Taemin didn't stop following her until they reached a corner and Jiyeon got totally pissed. "Will you please get the hell away from me right now? Because it hurts just to see you and I'm trying to get over you so the least you could do is help me out."

Without waiting for his answer she walked away. She quickened her steps and walked for some time. She was breathing hard and her heart wouldn't seem to calm down. She knew it wasn't because she was walking too fast. She knew it was Taemin who was causing her heart to beat frantically.

She decided to stop at the next corner. The tears started falling by then. She could no longer hear footsteps and she was a little scared to look back. Scared that if she did her disappointments will intensify until her heart could no longer take it anymore and then breaks to the point of no fixing.

Still she turned and searched for the man she loves only to find a dark empty road. No sign of Taemin.

She wrapped her coat tighter around her body. Her feet are aching from wearing high heels which she was not really used to wearing. It was really a bad idea from the very beginning, she realized it now. She shouldn't have agreed to it no matter how convincing those dorks have been.

She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She couldn't make them stop no matter how hard she tries. "Stupid jerk," she muttered.

She kept walking and she saw a vending machine. She decided she needed a hot drink to fight the cold. She searched for her pockets for some money and found some coins. She inserted the coins in the slot, pressed some buttons and waited. The machine didn't respond. She waited some more but her drink never came out. She pressed a button to get a refund but no coins came out.

Frustrated and pissed off, she kicked the machine with all her might but only to groan in pain from the impact. She gave the machine a few more punches and kicks before giving up.

Tired, frustrated and angry, she plopped on the first bench she saw while letting her tears fall freely from her eyes. She learned it's useless to wipe them away when they just keep falling anyway. She wonders how long she would be able to cry until her eyes dries up.

She had her head bent and eyes closed so she didn't notice when someone who looks as distraught as she was sat down beside her.

~-*-~

Taemin didn't know what to do with the crying girl beside him. Her tears were breaking her heart. When she told him to leave her alone he didn't listen. How could he just leave her alone when the mere thought of her walking alone on the streets at night fills him with dread? He followed her silently, hiding behind walls when she turns around. He wanted to make her feel better but he didn't know how. And the fact that he was the reason she was crying made him feel much worse.

He wanted to ask her so many things. Is she really dating Minho? Are they in love? He knew it would be for the best but then why does he feel so angry about it? He didn't want her to fall in love with him but he didn't want other people to have her either. He was such a selfish bastard.

"Jiyeon-ah..." Two pools of teary eyes stared back at him and he could feel his heart shattering into pieces. He was the one who did this. He caused her this pain.

She looked away almost instantly. She didn't want him to see her tear-streaked face and puffy red eyes. While staring at her feet as if it was an interesting sight she said, "I'm freakin in love with you alright? Still am. And don't' fucking dare tell me It isn't love because you don't know anything."

The problem lies not with her feelings for him. It's all about how he feels for her. He never said he loves her but he never said he doesn't either. The ambiguity of his words and actions confuses her so much it hurts. "Just... tell me you don't love me and get it over with."

Maybe that was all she needed. A rejection. A real one. But that is something Taemin couldn't give her. Because that would be lying and Taemin just couldn't do it. Looking her in the eyes and saying, "hey, know what? I don't love you so get the fuck away from me" is far too ridiculous especially when he didn't mean a single word.

He let out a deep sigh before pulling her in his arms and giving her a hug, something that both of them needed. Jiyeon liked the feeling and it was ironic that she was searching for comfort from the same man who was causing her misery.

"If you stay with me, your life would be fuckin' miserable, don't you understand?" that was the closest to the truth that he could come up with to convince her it was really a bad idea to be with him.

Miserable? How could that be even possible? Having him in her life would be the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to her so no, she will never understand what those words meant and she would never try to understand.

"My life is already miserable as it is. It wouldn't make any difference really." Maybe if she could just eliminate every argument and every reason for her to stay away, maybe she could convince him somehow that it was a good idea to start a relationship. But Taemin didn't give her the chance because he stood up before she could say anything more.

"Common, I'll take you home." He was trying to avoid the topic and they both knew it. He wanted to save both of them the heartaches and just be honest with himself however at the back of his mind something is telling him he shouldn't.

Jiyeon let him pull her up and walk her home. They strolled through the dark street in silence. She knew by then that she wouldn't get either rejection or any kind of affirmation on that matter so she might as well not expect for anything.

However, when they reached her apartment and just before she said goodbye and close the door he said, "Let's give it a try then."

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A/N: i am soooooo sorry. i was debating on wether to upload this or not because it was too short and i figured you guys deserved a long update but i already squeezed my head tight and nothing seems to come out of it that is worth reading. i just couldn't think of anything to write next. i'm so sorry.

would you guys hate me if i ended up not updating in a very long time? that happened to me before. there's this jaejoong fic i started in 2009 and i finished writing it last year. i only got the inspiration back after i became a big fan of shinee.

of course that won't happen with this fic. that i can assure you. but i really hope i wont lose readers along the way. no matter how slow or fast i update i hope you'll be patient with me

sorry for ranting again. i don't like it when i want to write but couldn't write anything. it frustrates the hell out of me. your comments help so please leave a few words for this amateur writer who thinks writing is as fun as reading XD