Regrets

Chapter 19

Love for Jiyeon is somewhat synonymous with pain. Knowing when to give up and when to keep fighting is the hardest part. These days when everything is so confusing and heartbreaking, it seemed easier to just give up

The phone calls never came, the missed calls were never returned. Taemin doesn't want to have anything to do with her anymore and so Jiyeon thinks that maybe it's better to just let everything go. Because as painful as it may sound, everything leads to only one truth... that Taemin never felt anything close to how she feels for him. Yes, Taemin never loved him. She was sure of it now.

This is going to be the last time I'm going to try, she decided.

It's Taemin's birthday and Jiyeon made a gift for him. It was the only thing she does best and so she put her heart and soul into it. When she was finished, she rushed to the dorm while clutching the box carefully in her arms, only to find the apartment empty.

She wasn't surprised though. Key said he and Jonghyun would be home late due to schedules, Jinki would be performing in a musical and won't be home until the next day, Minho hadn't been home in a while and Key didn't elaborate the reason, and Taemin would be practicing until late at night but should be home before midnight.

Jiyeon decided to wait at the front door, sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees, her chin resting on top of it. Her gift which was sloppily wrapped in ribbons lay beside her. She pulled out her phone and plugged her earphones trying to distract herself with some feel-good music.

At midnight, Taemin still hasn't come home. She stared at the gift beside her (which is now a late birthday gift because it's already past midnight) and pondered on whether to leave or wait some more. Maybe she was hoping for too much.

While wasting sighs, she took out a pen and a sticky note, scribbled something, stuck it on the box wrapped in ribbons, stood up and with heavy steps, she left.

It was 2am when Taemin arrived home, the first thing that caught his attention was the box left at their front door. He picked it up but didn't spare a glance at the note stuck on top of the box. He opened the door and plopped on the couch, closed his eyes and massaged his temples. He purposely stayed up late practicing because he wanted to exhaust himself. That way it would be easier to sleep.

When he opened his eyes his gaze landed on the gift and he noticed the small note on top of the box. He pulled the note and read the words written in tidy strokes.

Happy birthday! I hope you like chocolate cake as much as I do. And just in case you're ready to talk I'll be waiting at the park.

There was no name but Taemin perfectly knew who it came from. He also didn't have to open the box to know that it was a chocolate cake with piano design on top. He let out a sigh before making decision. He picked up his phone and dialed a number.

"Hyung, can you meet Jiyeon tonight? I-"

"Lee Taemin! You're the boyfriend so stop making me do things you should be doing." And with those words Minho hung up.

Taemin placed his phone back in his pockets and sighed. Maybe it's about time that they talk. He realized he's going to need his rusty acting skills tonight.

~-*-~

Jiyeon looked up when she noticed Taemin standing in front of the swing where she sat waiting. She found Taemin staring back at him, his expression unreadable.

"Hi," she gave him a smile hoping it could hide the fact that her heart was hammering in her chest and she was nervous. Really nervous.

Taemin sat on the swing next to her and didn't say a word. Amidst all the questions in her mind, she only had one question she needed to ask, and needed an answer to and then she would be ready to let him go.

"You never loved me did you?"

It took a long uncomfortable silence before he replied. "I'm sorry," he said. Not exactly what she expected to hear.

"You didn't, did you?" she insisted.

Taemin didn't want to answer the question because he didn't want to lie and he didn't want to tell the truth either. Telling the truth would make everything worse and telling a lie would be just as difficult. But Taemin knew she needed and deserved an answer.

"No, I didn't," he said softly. The words leaving his mouth had a bitter taste like it never wanted to be spoken out loud. "I'm sorry..." he said again. His heart constricting into a knot because of the lies he just uttered.

"It wasn't your fault. You never promised me anything anyway." She stood up her back into him. "Alright then. That's all I needed to hear." When she turned to face him she was smiling but it doesn't reach her eyes. It lacks the usual flicker that Taemin notices when she's happy. Jiyeon is in pain and Taemin hates himself for causing it. He reminded himself that it will only be just for a while. Just until she gets over him and forgets him entirely.

"I know I promised you that I won't be leaving with my dad. But now I guess it wouldn't really matter if I did." She bit her lip before she continued, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

"I see." Taemin said softly. That's exactly what he wanted to happen. For Jiyeon to leave and forget him eventually.

"I guess it's goodbye then."

"Yes, it is."

"It was nice meeting you Taemin. I was really happy for awhile."

Taemin didn't fail to notice the gleam in her eyes which could only mean tears. But he couldn't do anything. He needed to show her an expression of indifference when all he really wanted to do was to wrap her in his arms and never let go.

"Goodbye, Taemin."

"Goodbye," he said before Jiyeon turned and left leaving Taemin struggling to keep his tears at bay. A sad smile formed on his lips. It wasn't easy letting her go because with Jiyeon's retreating back goes his life.

~-*-~

Jiyeon wanted to be cool about it. She tried so hard to contain the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes because she wanted to act cool about everything. It was just a breakup, it's not the end of the world, she told herself. But then why does it feel like it is?

When she arrived home and saw Minho waiting for her at the front door, she broke into fits of sobs. Really smooth, Jiyeon, she scolded herself. She hates being comforted because it makes her cry more just when she was trying her best to stop. But she didn't want to break free from that embrace and maybe Minho didn't mind even if his shirt was wet because of her tears and even if they look silly standing at the doorstep wrapped in embrace. Good thing because she doesn't care about anything besides the sound of her heart breaking into pieces.

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A/N: Too short, I know. But I needed to update because I'm scared to lose you guys *^* Please don't hate me for not updating sooner. I'm running out of ideas. I hate writing angst. This isn't my thing I guess. I want to write fluff. I need some fluff in my life. Maybe I should write a oneshot. Something fluffy. Just to motivate myslef a little bit.. urg! i'm messed up. don't mind me