Regrets

Chapter 22

"Yes." Taemin replied, eyes hurting with unshed tears. "Yes, I am in love with you," he finally admitted to her. The words hurt more than it's supposed to. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she stares at the man who caused her so much pain. If it was due to happiness from hearing his confession or frustrations because she didn't realize it sooner or regrets for wasting a whole fucking year trying to mend her heart, or maybe all, Jiyeon didn't exactly know.

"Then why?" she asked softly, frustration apparent in her voice.

"I don't deserve you," Taemin replied pouring his heart into every word. Jiyeon deserves someone better, someone who would stick with her forever, someone who wouldn't take her for granted, someone who isn't going to die in six months time.

"That's lame. Try some other excuse."

Taemin grabbed her shoulders trying to put some sense into her head. It frustrates him so much that he couldn't make her understand. "Look... Sometimes..." Taemin paused trying to search for the right words to make her understand... to make her see that having a relationship with him is a really bad idea. "...sometimes love isn't enough..."

"Try again..."

"I'm serious. Darn it!"

"So am I."

"Please... try to understand..."

"I'm trying, Taemin. God, you have no idea how messed up I am right now trying to understand you. But it's hard when you don't give me a good enough reason why I was forced to live a miserable heartbroken life without you. Unless you tell me your reason right now, I will never fucking understand anything."

Eyes shining with anger and cheeks tinted with red hue, she looked so beautiful- a raging beauty with fiery eyes. Taemin couldn't help but be mesmerized by the sweet girl in front of him. He should have knows it wouldn't be that easy.

And so he stopped. He stopped trying to reason with her, gave up trying to make reason rule his heart. Fuck everything. Maybe it would make more sense if he messed up something which was already messed up from the start.

He pulled her close and claimed her lips for a kiss, demanding, insistent and forceful. Her eyes were wide from the unexpected action but surrendered herself nonetheless. She kissed him back with the same intensity and burning heart.

"You should have stayed in New York," Taemin said when they both stopped and gasped for air.

"And live my life in misery?"

"Your dad was with you."

"But you weren't."

Taemin caressed her cheeks, trying to memorize every detail, every curve and lines of her pretty face. "I don't want you to get hurt." Jiyeon tilted her head loving the feel of Taemin's touch on her skin.

"You were right, Jiyeon. I have always loved you. But I didn't want you to feel the same. If there is any chance... any chance at all for you to fall out of love for me, please... try..."

And then the tears went pouring down again. Why does he keep on insisting it? What is so wrong about her falling in love with him?

"I don't know, Taemin... I really don't know..."

She knew running away was something cowards do but at that moment she didn't care. Taemin was being unreasonable. He was asking something impossible without giving her any explanation at all. Hearing those words suddenly made her want to run away. And so she did.

~-*-~

Taemin learned that maybe there really is such thing as fate, things inevitable, and feelings like true love that even through different lifetimes, and even across time, they still remain, that there are things which no matter how hard you try to stop from happening will happen eventually because they are meant to be.