Regrets

Chapter 20

As expected Taemin's life had been hell ever since Jiyeon left. He definitely deserved a smack on the head for this self-inflicted pain that he obviously couldn't handle very well. The sleepless nights and those dark circles around his eyes are just some of the proof of his foolishness. After 1 year and a half since Jiyeon moved to New York, Taemin made a decision.

"I'm quitting, hyung." Jinki couldn't believe he was hearing those words from Taemin. He knew what the maknae is going through but this is just too much.

"Tell me you're not serious."

"I am. I decided this is going to be my last project with you. I'm going to tell the manager tomor-"

"That's bullshit, Taemin." Jinki seldom raises his voice and when he does it means he's dead serious and you better not mess with him.

"It doesn't really matter. I'm going to leave the group anyway so..."

"You are not leaving," Jinki insisted.

"Hyung, you do realize that I don't really have a choice in this, right? I'm going to die, alright? And it's going to be soon so..."

"No, you are not going to die. Stop talking nonsense." And with those words, Jinki left. Taemin realized that maybe Jinki was thinking there is still a way out of it. But Taemin knew better than to hope. Either he dies or Jiyeon will. Since the latter is not an option, then that leaves him with the first one and he will never let Jinki ruin everything in his desperation to save him.

~-*-~

After learning Taemin's secret, Jinki became very supportive. He always let Taemin have his way with everything except for two things. One, his stupid idea of quitting SHINee; and two, his decision to keep his upcoming death a secret to the rest of the group.

"Taemin, they needed to know."

"No, hyung. Please don't drag them into this."

"But Taemin... What do you think they would feel if one day they learned the news that your lifeless body was found in a dark alleyway stabbed to death? What do you think we would feel? What do you think I would feel? Huh?!"

"It's enough that you know hyung. If you weren't so smart to figure things out I wouldn't have told you the truth either. Do you think I didn't know that you couldn't sleep at night? Do you think I didn't notice your insomnia has gotten worse?"

"I was trying to think of ways to save you."

"Then stop. I'm not asking you to save me. In fact I don't want you to save me."

Jinki didn't say anything else afterwards but Taemin noticed the pained look on his face and Taemin felt guilty for being the reason of it. Taemin wished Jiyeon is doing much better than this.

~-*-~

Knowing that he's going to die soon made Taemin reckless. He was no longer scared of the consequences his actions make because he knew very well that when he got nothing he got nothing to lose. He already lost everything the moment Jiyeon left.

And so he worked his ass off (because it exhausts him and sleeping is easier when he's exhausted), then tried to convince Jinki that quitting is a good idea (but every attempt was unsuccessful because Jinki was as hardheaded as he is) then made drastic changes to his concept that even his hyungs find extremely worrisome (just to annoy Jinki so he would agree to his idea of quitting).

"Taemin, you are not leaving this group. Why do you keep insisting otherwise?"

Key who happened to pass by heard the last part of their conversation. "What? Who's leaving?"