Falling for a Maximoff

Chapter 41: Trigger

TW: panic attack, (PTSD), flashbacks

Pov y/n

Luckily Val didn't make any further move the last three days. Wanda made also sure that everyone knows I'm her girlfriend. As soon as we stand close enough together, she grabs my hand or wraps her arm around me. I've never seen this possessive side of her but it's kinda hot and also cute. But I still talked to her about it, later that day.

I wanted to make sure she knows that I'm not interested in any other girls and really didn't get that Val was asking me out. Wanda believed me and we cuddled a bit. She asked me if I was okay if she hold my hand in school and hold me close. I told her it's absolutely fine and not against my will.

It's cute that she asks for my consent for this and I really appreciate it. I mean I could also have been not okay with this and then it would have been hard for me to tell her. She just cares a lot about me and wants to make sure I'm okay with what she does.

School goes great otherwise. It's amazing to have Wanda with me because now I can see her even more and I don't get tired of it at all. Everyday she gets along better with Liv and Kelly and we laugh a lot together.

They still like to dig out old stories about me, which sometimes makes me blush but it's not bad though. And it's so cute how Wanda listens to them, her face brightening up and listening attentively to learn more about me.

We have every class together and she seems to get along good with our teachers and fellow students. I get though where her jealousy comes from because some of the boys look at her with admiring eyes. I mean I can't blame them, she is freaking attractive but she is my girlfriend and I don't like people thinking about her being free to date. So maybe I don't mind her being a little possessive over me because it also shows everyone that she isn't single.

Today is Thursday and we're currently in class. My mind is elsewhere and to be specific, I'm thinking about last night. It became a routine that Wanda sleeps with me in my bed because she makes me feel safe and now I don't want to fall asleep without her cuddles.

However, last night got a bit more heated. It started out as a simple kiss and turned to a heated make out session really quick. It may have led to me making a small hickey on Wanda's collarbone which she only noticed today.

She shot a playful dagger at me and muttered about having to cover it up. But I know she isn't mad with me since she smirked a little and said she would revenge herself for that. Thinking about it, makes the butterflies inside me get wild and a tingle shoots through my body and down between my legs. Thinking about her lips on my body and her hands sliding down my sides...

"Miss Romanoff, can you tell me the answer to my question?" I get pulled out of my thoughts by my teacher who looks at me with raised eyebrows. Looking around I find no clue what the question could have been about.

"No, I can't. I wasn't paying attention, I'm sorry." I say and bite my lip.
"I asked about your opinion on the discussion." He repeats, slightly annoyed.

My mind races, trying to figure out what discussion he's talking about. But I don't find any answer and my fingers start to fiddle.

"The discussion you had to read as a homework and write a short report about." He specifies, his tone getting more and more annoyed.

Oh shoot, we had a homework! I totally forgot about that, I was kinda distracted last night and forgot to do it. Why does he had to pick me today? I have my homework on any other day.
"I haven't done it, I'm sorry." I reply silently, starting to feel uneasy.

"First you don't listen to the lesson and then you don't have your homework? I really don't appreciate this behavior! At least listen if you didn't do your homework! And besides, it's disrespectful not to listen!" He scolds me angrily. I gulp harshly and feel my throat tighten, my hands start to shiver.

"I expected better from you, Miss Romanoff." He rants and lifts his hand. I flinch and pull my arms in front of my face, scared he'll hit me.

Flashbacks come to my mind from all the times I've been hit in the Red Room whenever I disobeyed or did something wrong. My breathing quickens and I start to shiver, suddenly feeling dissociated.

"What are you doing? Stop being ridiculous!" His voice now raised at my reaction.

I suddenly feel trapped in the classroom and without thinking, I jump up and run out of the room. The yelling of my teacher far away as I sprint down the hallway and towards the toilet, needing to get away from the situation.

I rush through the door and lean against the wall. My breathing fast and my throat feeling too tight to breathe correctly. I sink down against the wall and pull my knees up against my chest, hugging them.

There are new flashes in front of my inner eyes of getting beaten and getting electricity forced through my body. As a reaction my shivering gets worse and my eyes start to tear up in a panic that the teacher will find me and hit me. I bite my lip to keep the sobs from escaping my mouth and making any sound.

The door opens slowly and I scoot away in a panic. But when I see Wanda, I relax a little and go back to crying. She kneels down in front of me, her eyes scanning over my body.

"Hey, I'm here. It's okay." She husks but I shake my head, panic still pulsing through my veins.

"Can I touch you?" She asks carefully and waits for my reaction. I nod and hold out my hand to her, laying my head down on my knees, trying to catch my breath but it doesn't work. She takes my hand in hers and gently caresses the back of my hand.

"I can't breathe properly." I say through a sob, clenching my jaw to stop it from shaking.

"Okay, can you look at me and we'll breathe together?" Wanda asks softly. But I shake my head, not feeling able to lift my head right now, trying to suppress the flashbacks. Wanda shuffles a little closer to me and carefully guides my hand until it lays flat on her chest.
"Just concentrate on my breathing then. Can you do that for me?"

I nod and concentrate on the feeling of her raising and falling chest under my hand. It's a calm rhythm and I know that's what I should get back to. But my throat still feels too tight to breathe properly so I just do my best.

Slowly I feel the knot loosening and more air gets into my lungs. I take a deep breath in sink with Wanda and my body starts to calm down. My muscles loosen up and my shaking gets less.

We stay like this for a few minutes until I feel like I regain control over my body again. I slowly lift my head to meet Wanda's eyes which are focused on me. Locking eyes with her helps me to calm down even more and I start to feel safe again. Slowly but surely I let go of my knees and lean my head against the wall behind me.

"Can I hug you?" Wanda gently asks, not wanting to push me. I nod and take my hand from her chest so she can move. She scootches closer and wraps her arms around my body, holding me close to her. I nuzzle my head into her shoulder, breathing in her scent that reminds me that I'm safe.

She strokes my hair and rubs my back to calm me further and soon I completely stop shaking.
I pull away a little to look into her green eyes. She brushes some hair behind my ear and wipes away the last tear that runs down my cheek.

"I'm sorry, getting yelled at just triggered a memory in me." I whisper, feeling bad for my strong reaction.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, sunshine. He shouldn't have yelled at you and it's absolutely okay and relatable that it triggered you. You made some really bad experiences with that and your body just reacted. Please don't feel bad for what you feel. Your feelings are very valid and so important. You did great with calming down again." She assures me, cupping my cheek and I lean into her touch.

"Are you sure? It wasn't an overreaction?" I ask back, still feeling bad for my reaction.

"Absolutely. You can't control your triggers and he managed to do something that triggers you. It's not your fault or an overreaction at all. It's good that you pulled yourself out of the situation and let me help you to calm down." She says calmly and kisses my forehead as I lean closer to her.

"Thank you for helping me. I was so scared and didn't know what to do." I share in a silent voice.
"Of course, I'll always be here for you, as long as you need and want me. And yes, it is very scary but you did so great in calming down. Just remember to breathe, even though it feels really hard in the moment."

Wanda offers a small smile to cheer me up and I give her a tiny smile back.
"That's my girl. Everything will be fine. We'll get you home so you can fully calm down and cope." She suggests and I nod in agreement, not feeling like going back.

I'm mentally drained and just wanna cuddle into my bed with Wanda. She slowly stands up and offers her hand, slowly to not trigger me any further. I take her hand and let her pull me up. She wraps her arm around me and leads me out of the bathroom.

I feel exhausted and don't really notice how she guides me to the principal's office. She tells the woman at the counter that we'll go home now.
Apparently the woman already knows what's going on and a few minutes later we sit in a taxi on our way back to the compound.

I lean against Wanda's shoulder and my eyelids get heavier with every second until I fall asleep. Only when she moves to get us out of the car, I wake up shortly but as soon as she picks me up and carries me inside, I fall right back asleep, the panic attack used up all my energy.

A/n: So sorry for not updating yesterday, it was quite busy. But here you go with yesterdays chapter and of course, tomorrow I'll update on scedule again.

Is there anything you'd like to see in this book or maybe a sequel? I've been brainstorming yesterday and if you have anything you'd like to read, I'm happy to read your ideas. 
Thanks for reading and love to you all <3