From Georgia to Montana

Chapter 5

I'm ten years old and as I twirl in my pastel Easter dress I hear my mother's sweet laugh. Dad, Max, and Isaac are all playing with the football, while Mom, my three year old sister, and my new baby brother, Peter, sit on the blanket eating the pie that my mother and I made together. Lennon is skipping around, stopping occasionally to add wildflowers to our mom's bouquet.

It was Mom's idea, to come out here after church and have a picnic, and we couldn't be happier. Until the sky darkens with clouds, and lightning flashes across the sky.

All of a sudden I am in a large sterile, white room that has a bed and two chairs in it. I'm sitting next to the bed that my mother lays in. She is paler than she should be, her long reddish-brown hair is gone. I vaguely start to remember, the chemo, tears, all the long hospital visits that my younger siblings don't understand.

"Darling, I wan't you to take care of your sisters and brothers. But I... I want you to be happy and live life. And. Most of all I want you to always remember the good times and everything that I have taught you over the years. I know it is hard, and I..." Mom coughs into her tissue, when she pulls it away from her mouth it has blood on it, "I am so sorry that I have to leave you this way." My mom says in a raspy voice.

"It's okay Mommy. I forgive you. I will never forget. I... I love you so... so much." I whisper back, tears stream down my face and I bury my face in her side as she strokes my hair.

Then her hand is gone. I am no longer in the hospital. Instead I am in the car. My father is in the drivers seat, with a beer in his limp hand and his head against the steering wheel. I knew better than to let him drive but I did anyways.

The smell of smoke burns my lungs and screams of horror pierce my ears. I realize the screams are mine and the car that my father hit is on fire.
I hear the sirens of the police, firefighters, and ambulance coming to save us; but they are too late to save the people in the other car.

I jolt awake drenched in sweat and freezing at the same time. My breathing is labored and my sheets are tangle around my legs as I get up to get a cold glass of water.

I can still imagine the shattered glass in my hair and on my skin, the place on my leg throbbing where the bent metal from the car punctured me.

I sit down at the table and start working on the bills. When I hear Lennon.

"Are you okay?" She asks from the doorway to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just working on bills. Why are you still up?"

"I was doing homework when I heard you get up."

"Oh." I whisper, putting my elbow on the table and rest my chin on my hands.

"I thought your nightmares had mostly gone away. Its been almost a year since you and... since the accident.."

"I thought so to, but they are getting worse again. I think that it's the stress of moving. It will calm back down in a few days I'm sure." I say giving Lennon a small smile. "By the way. Why were you doing homework so late on a Sunday?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh. Umm." She stuttered with a nervous laugh, before finally coming clean, "I, uh, I met a boy. He volunteers with me at the vet office. We were texting."

"Thats great. When can I meet him."

"Really? You aren't mad?"

"Well, you shouldn't stay up so late on a school night. But, no I'm not mad. Why would you think I would be?"

"It's just, well, you don't really seem like you want to let any one new into our lives. Especially guys."

Well she has that right, but that doesn't mean I'm going to keep her from living life. "I'm sorry. I didn't think how it would affect you. I want you to be happy. It's just hard letting people in now."

"I know. But Mom always said you have to be willing to risk getting hurt once in a while before you can find your true love. Em, Mom would want you to try to make friends instead of always spending time taking care of us. You are so worried about our happiness that you forget about your own. Go out to eat, but some new clothes or something. Just have some fun."

"When did you get so smart?" I tease.

"Whatever." She says, sticking her tongue out at me, "I'm going to bed."

"Okay, goodnight." I laugh.

"Night. Love you sis." Then I am left alone. To think about what my sixteen year old sister just told me.