From Georgia to Montana

Chapter 10

It's the day of the party and the kids have been impossible to control. It's the most excited I have seen Peter since we moved here.

Lennon and Maisy each got to bring a couple of friends, including Lennon's new boyfriend. The party starts at 6:30 but we arrive at Lila and Luca's early to help set up.
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Eventually everyone has arrived and the party truly starts.

Some kids play football in the yard. Others swim in the large in ground pool or eat food.

"Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves." Luca says coming to sit by me on the porch swing.

"Yeah. This means a lot to all of us. Especially Peter." I say, silently hoping he doesn't ask where my parents are, unfortunately I do not get my wish.

"So where are your parents? Are they coming later?" He asks.

"Um. No. They can't come. My dad isn't in town." Technically none of this is a lie. They can't come because my mom is dead and dad isn't in town because he is in Georgia's jail. I have gotten to where I can tell half truths well. When dad would push me and teachers or my bosses asked about the bruises I would always say that I fell. Or when he kicked me and made me limp I would simply say I was kicked and they thought I meant I was kicked by one of the horses I took care of.

"I would like to meet them sometime." Luca says, snapping me out of my revere.

I don't say anything, instead I just think to myself, Mom would have liked you and Lila.

"What do you mean would have?" Luca asks and I realize I had said that aloud.

"I... um... I have to use the restroom." I say. Then I run to the bathroom and lock the door as I struggle to fight back the panic attack.

I slide my back down the door as my vision blurs. It feels like cold hands wrap around my neck suffocating me. I smell the hospital, the disinfectants. The sound of the crash and loud screams fill my ears. I cover my ears and close my eyes but nothing works. I vaguely hear someone at the door saying something about Lennon but all I can do is sit on the floor struggling through the panic attack. Its been almost a month since my last panic attack and this one is impossible to control.

Suddenly I feel arms circle me. "Its ok Emerald. Its ok, you aren't there. You are at Luca and Lila's, your friends' house. They are throwing Peter his birthday party. You are in their bathroom. Everything is ok." She says gently while petting my hair.

Eventually the panic attack stops and I get up to splash water on my face, effectively calming me down the rest if the way. When I look at my face I grimace. My eyes are red and puffy and my face is blotchy. I am able to make it less noticeable with a little bit of makeup that I had put in my purse before leaving home.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this Lennon. You should be hanging out with your friends not taking care of your older sister and her panic attacks. I just..." I say pausing before I continue, "how long was that one."

"A couple minutes, don't worry it wasn't long enough for anyone to get suspicious. And you know I don't mind, I will do anything for you. You know that. I just hate seeing you go through this alone." I know what's coming next, and I know she is right. "I think you need to tell them. Maybe not everything right away but... At least about Mom. And maybe the panic attacks."

"You're right. I just need to find the right time." I say, looking in the mirror one last time. "Alright. I think it is time to open presents and eat cake." We walk out with smile on my face to help hide the fact that I am dying inside.

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The rest of the party went smoothly. Peter opened- and throughly appreciated- each gift, then everyone ate cake.

Thankfully Luca didn't question my panic attack other than asking if I was okay. I am grateful he didn't question me but I find myself strangly wishing he had and wondering why he didn't.

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Hope y'all enjoyed this chap. I'm sorry if there are mistakes, I was writing this while on a plane. Like and vote for my books. Hopefully now that it is summer I can write more.