"If risking is the only way to get closer to you then he might as well will risk his life for you and If you're the biggest sin on the earth, then he might as well wil rot in hell." He thought to himself...
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Mae Y/N was born in Ham...
The operation luckily went well, you told the boys to go home reassuring them that you will stay. You also wanted to ask Jin's parents, but they told you that they already did and they weren't really bothered by their son dying. But how could they not?! Isn't he their SON? Their only fucking child that's clearly suffering because of them! Aren't they supposed to take care of their child? You were fuming in anger.
Currently you were sitting beside Jin next to his bed. His hand in yours as you softly rubbed them. The fact that you were worried was an understatement, you felt like a 15 year old girl caught up in drama. This all felt so unreal for you. It might felt weird to other people how you got so emotionally attached to Jin in such a short time, but you just didn't know why you did so. He reminded you of your dad, but you knew damn well this ain't the reason. You just couldn't get this guy out of your mind, something about him just made you feel like you've known him or seen him before. You got the Deja Vu. He sure did wonders to you and your body. Whenever you think about him you can't help but smile. You couldn't stop thinking about the way he held you and the way your lips captured together. You just felt the things you've never felt and it made you nervous, you knew this all was wrong. You're a teacher, he is your student and even If no one knew about this, you're going to leave in a year. It made you sad, upset and maybe it hurt you more then you thought it would. Realization hits hard sometimes.
Looking at your interwined hands...why did it hurt so much? You wanted this moment to last forever. Just you and him holding hands the only exception was that you wanted him alive. You wanted to talk to him, hear his window wiping laugh, you wanted to see him smile again and you wanted to be the reason of his smile. It felt weird to feel like that, so weird...you remembered the morning after he saved you. You still heard the way he laughed in the kitchen in your head...
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Where did it vanish away? What made him do the things he did? You were continuously replaying the moments when you saw him happy, it felt like eternity since that time. Your deep thoughts got interrupted when you felt a tight squeeze on your hand. Your widened eyes slowly moved to look at Jin's face. His eyes were opened, looking blankly at the wall infront of him. "J-Jin?! You're awake?! I'll call the doctor-" You were about to stand up when he pulled you back. "Why are you here? Who even are you?" He said coldly making me scoff. "Jin...what are you saying?! What happened to you?!" You burst out in tears once again. "Be honest with me, Y/N! D-Don't please, don't play with me! Why are you here? Do you feel pity for me? Did you call my parents? I know exactly what they told you, I could recite their every word. It's sad right? Their only son was about to die and they don't FUCKING care..." He emphasized ironically. "But that's okay, I'm not new to this. No one cares about a monster like me, Y/N! You shouldn't too..." Before he could continue you slapped him without thinking twice.
"Yah! Listen to me, Kim Seokjin! Who do you think you are, huh?! First you're kissing me, wrapping me around your fucking finger and now you're telling me I shouldn't care?! Do you think I don't have feelings, huh?! Well, let me tell you something. I fucking care for you, okay?! I don't know why I do, but I just do! I know what you're going through because I saw my father doing these things to himself too. Being emotionally unstable, cutting himself till he couldn't find an empty space to dug that fucking knife in his skin, drinking and suffocating himself like this! The reason why I care so much is that I don't fucking want you to end up like this while you're acting like a complete asshole! Gosh, I don't know why I'm acting like this when you don't seem to give a fuck about what I'm saying..." You took a deep breath, blinking of the tears that were so ready to pour down your face. His eyes were on you, he felt guilty, guilty for talking to you like that, but he thought It's for the better, not thinking about what's truly better for him. "Fine, I'll leave, If that's what you want. Just remember that I never pitied you. It's my fault that I started to develop feelings for you. It's so sad tho, I really saw something more in you, in us. Guess, I was wrong...just please, don't become the monster you think you already are! You are not! Maybe If you stop pushing away the people that care for you, give me a call yeah? Once you stop being stubborn and actually try to become a better person I'll be there to help you. I'll leave now. Till the time comes, have a good life, Seokjin." With that you jerked his hand away and walked out.
You knew you will regret it and you knew very well you'll miss him, but you had this hope inside you that he'll comeback, ready to love himself with all his flaws and recieve love as well. He'll become a man.
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Since you left Jin was thinking about your words. He missed you, he needed you beside him. Through the past few days you were his comfort zone and he knew that he had developed some feelings for you too. He felt guilty about the way he talked to you and thought about you, his insecurity got the best of him. He was lying on his bed, again doing nothing but staring at the ceiling. His mind filled with thoughts about you, he couldn't get you out of his mind. He knew you were right. He knew he was stubborn, trying to find excuses why he pushed so many people away. He thought he wasn't worth it, but you showed him he was, through your care and love. He didn't want to use you, the kiss did mean a lot to him as well as it meant for you. He understood you, he felt the same exact way as you. He got so attached to you and he needed you back by his side. The last two weeks were horrible for him. The boys tried to put a smile on his face and he did, but a fake one for them. He wasn't genuinely happy and they knew that. It wasn't because he didn't love them, he just felt emotionally drenched and without you it was even worse. He wanted to plead you, plead you to come back and give him the affection and love he was craving for, his insecurity and ego were still in his way tho... __________________________________ 👀💜
