Kook

Tell me.

The next morning was awkward, I told JJ what the plan was. That tonight we'd get the gold as John b was fishing with Ward today.
We were both sat outside, JJ dipped his feet in the tub water, his gaze never daring to meet mine.
"I'm sorry for what I said" he coughed slightly, JJ felt uncomfortable when it came to expressing emotions.
Having to admit that you fucked up big time wasn't easy either, both? For JJ was nearly impossible.

"What part?" I look up at the trees, I sat in the hammock before turning my head towards the boy.
"I shouldn't of said that- you know? That you don't have a Dad and that I do so- to uh, stay out of it" he stuttered over his words trying to explain what he was sorry for.
"Do you know why my Dad left?" I bite the side of my cheek finally walking towards him, I sit on the tub also dipping my feet in.
He gently shook his head still not looking at me.

"After Tim died, he lost it. I caught him packing a bag, I'd come home early from surfing, he had a whole suitcase full of stuff" I look down at my feet that swayed in the water.
"I asked him where we were going and he said that 'we' weren't going anywhere" I chuckled slightly, my father was a joke and if I didn't laugh about it then I'd cry and I'm scared that if I do then I'll never stop.

"I wanted to know why he was leaving me and he said all he sees when he looks at me is my Dead brother and mother. That all he could think about was Mom. I begged him to stay, he left me some money and walked out, he didn't even turn back. I told him that I'd go into foster care if he wasn't here but- he didn't give a crap" my grip tightened round the tub surface, squeezing it.

"I didn't know that" JJ finally looked up at me, I met his eyes.
"That's because I didn't tell you, I didn't tell anyone because- I'm embarrassed. My own Dad left me because I look like my dead brother and Mom? All he could think about was my Mom, she wasn't even here. She's dead. Im alive and he doesn't care" I blinked quickly trying to suppress the tears that were going to spill, I look towards the dock taking a deep breath.

"He doesn't know what he's missing out on" JJ smiled a little as did I, it felt good to tell someone other then the social worker.
"J , I don't want you to get hurt. If you ever need my help or a place to stay. I'm your girl. Even though you can be a total ass you're my best friend and I care about you" I shuffle next to him placing my hand over his.
"I know, I'm thankful for that Lex. I really am. I promise I'll never hurt you again" his hand reach up rubbing my cheek.

"You can't promise that" I flushed red, he smiled before meeting my lips with his.

October last year.

I walk home from the beach, my hair soaking wet, shivers run down my spine.
It was October and I'd gone surfing, not exactly the perfect weather for it.
I was going to be home earlier then expected, I'll make dinner for Dad before he gets home from work.
I wrap my beach towel round my hair as I walk down the street towards the house.

I notice Dads car in the driveway, he'd been coming home early a few times a week since Tim died.
It's only been a year.
I open the door throwing my hair into the wash bin.
"Dad?" I whisper shout upstairs, maybe he was asleep.
I creep up the stairs hearing rustling coming from his room, pushing open the door I see Dad packing two suitcases.

"Dad? Where are we going? What's going on?" My eyes full of panic, we're we in trouble? Did he quit his job? Are we in debt? Obviously yes. But were we finally getting kicked out of our house?
"We aren't going anywhere, just me" he grumbled not turning to look at me.
"But- how long?" I frown as I watch the man continue to pack his bags.
He sighs turning round, his shoulders shrugged as his hands held themselves on his hips.
The moment I saw his eyes I knew he wasn't coming back for me.

It wasn't a case of how long. My chin wobbles as I shake my head.
He tried to grab my hand to comfort me, I shove him away stepping further from him, making more distance.
"Why?" My voice cracked as I spoke, my tone pleading for him to stay.
He stayed silent looking toward the floor.
"Why?!" I shout, my breathing increasing as I yelled at the man I called my father.

"All I'm thinking about is your mother" he inhaled a sharp unsteady breathe before turning away from my eyes.
"Moms dead! She's been dead for 10 years! I'm alive and I need you" my voice became desperate and angry.
"I thought I could carry on but I can't, I'm sorry" we stood there looking at each other silently.
"You have to! Because I'm your daughter! You have to carry on for me!" He was giving up, like I wasn't worth carrying on for.

"You don't understand Alexia" he warned, a tear dropping from his eye.
He quickly wiped his cheek and I scoff.
"Don't understand? My brother!-" my breathing was unsteady as I try to finish my sentence.
"My brother is dead! My twin brother! My best friend! The only fucking person I cared about is dead!" My teeth grind together as I look at the man with hatred in my eyes.

"Your the reason he's dead! You knew about him using drugs and you said nothing! You have one person to blame , yourself" my father spat before turning to get his bags.
"No! It's your fault! You lost job after job! He needed a Dad and you weren't there" I block the door not letting him leave.
"Get out the way" he spoke calmly and I shake my head chuckling, the audacity.
"Please! Please please care about me more! Stay. I'll be shipped off if your gone!" My head shook from side to side.

He threw his bags to the floor in rage "I can't stay or carry on because every time I fucking look at you, your just a reminder of every person I've lost! Your brother. Your mom! You look exactly like them! How can I just carry on when I'm thinking about them!" He bellowed loudly looking around the room.
"How can I carry on when every day I look at you and see the people I love! The people who died!" He walked closer to me and tears stream down my face.

My arms dropped to my side, no longer blocking the door.
I stepped to the side, my eyes fluttering falling to the ground as tears spilled out my eyes blurring the view of the wooden floor.
He picked his bags up hurrying out the door.
My back sank down the wall, my hand over my mouth as I try to suppress my sobs.

Current time.

"JJ-" I gasp breaking the kiss, he smiles at me and I chuckle looking back at the hot tub water.
"I'm sorry for not making your first time special Lex" he bites the side of my cheek and I frown, it would've been perfect if he didn't make a big deal out of me being a virgin.
"It was, until you said what you said" I sigh as the sun hit my frame.
"I said what I said because I thought you should've had something better- softer and loving? I don't know something the opposite to me" I turn looking at him, I never knew JJ had this much depth.

"You said it because you thought you knew what I wanted and that I wouldn't want what he had, I forgive JJ, I think I always will forgive" I swallow swishing my feet around in the water.
Popes truck pulls up, Kie also with the boy.
"Hey guys- you got him up to speed?" Pope pointed towards JJ and I nod jumping off the side of the tub.
"Good, alright Kie help me with this" he got out a barrel and some rope, we watch as he tied it round and put it on the tree.

"Alright so pretend that we're lowering you into the well yeah?" Pope told Kie to sit on the barrel, she did as he said, he pulled the barrel up before gently letting go of some of the rope letting the barrel go down to the floor.
"See! It works"