meant to be yours | d.w

44

"You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit"

The past few days that seemed to build up into Rebecca and Dallas' time almost absentmindedly made them forget about that one holiday the world cherishes with all their hearts.

The Christmas season

It was only about two weeks left until their calendars marked the day where Saint Nick plops down their chimney.

Only Rebecca and Dallas were on two completely different schedules. Rebecca was hiding out from the world, like the coward she was in that moment after being reintroduced to the cruel world that reigns her, and Dallas out seeking his revenge.

In no way was Dallas dressed for the weather, but he didn't care in the slightest. For despite her most desperate acts of begging him to stay, he denied. It was there, in her room, that he slipped through her window like he has a numerous amount of times to finally act on his plan of vengeance.

She sat in her room, the snow falling like frozen tears from the sky, blaming herself when even she knew she could have done nothing to stop him. She begged him in the comfort of her room, and he agreed silently as he went back to bed with her.

But she knew that in the night, he would leave. For he would be gone, within the shadows that he swore went against everything he claimed to love.

Dear Journal,

I don't know if this is the right way to feel or not, but does it make me a terrible person to say I'm not as angry with Dallas as I should be?

I haven't even seen what I know he did to James, and yet, this awful part of me is hoping Dallas scuffed him up in the worst way possible. This feels so conflicting since I want to believe I am not in the wrong, but these thoughts feel so villainous.

Ever since the night he slipped through my window (oddly ironic due to the holiday season), I haven't seen him since. And I am still trying to discover whether that is good, or bad.

But moving on, Wills birthday is coming up and I couldn't be more anxious and excited. He's turning eight and I can't believe time has seemed to run by so fast. It seems like just yesterday we were forced into those horrid matching outfits for Easter Sunday.

I feel partially bad since I have been so wrapped up in everything, I have hardly even seen him. Is this the definition of losing touch? Or perhaps a synopsis of breaking free from everything that was once important to you.

To update you on Evie, we are still not speaking. I know, I am falling for the pettiness I used to mock, but I don't know what to do. I know I'm supposed to apologize, but I feel as if I am struck dumb. Everywhere I go, she avoids me, and I avoid her. I tell myself I'm going to reconcile with her, and yet I hardly allow it to happen.

I don't know where I lie, as of right now. I am trying to navigate relationships, along with the catastrophe that is life right on top of it. But who am I to complain? I have everything under control, I just cannot let it all slip from my fingers like last time.

With love, Rebecca

I won't lie, I am partially in the wrong. I have been distancing myself and building up the walls I know all too well, but I can't help it. A part of me wants to say he made me do this, but I don't want to face the reconciliation of him as a whole. Blaming him is only inaccurate, and it forces me to come to terms with what happened.

I was not hurt. Girls like me don't get hurt. Girls like me use caution, but know how to have fun. Oh how foolish it was of me to think I could ever have both.