Enticing the Untamed Jewel

Chapter 30: Father

Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kanya sa kabila ng kaguluhang nangyayari sa isip ko. I thought my mind was just playing tricks on me again kaya sinulit ko na ang pagkakataon na matitigan siya.

Again, I was so mesmerised. Parang ayaw ko nang putulin ang titig ko sa kanya, especially now that he's also looking at me like the way he did years ago. It was so nostalgic and heart wrenching.

But when his eyes darkened as he looked at me, that's when I realized that it's real and not just a mere hallucination.

I immediately looked away and shook my head in disappointment dahil pakiramdam ko ay may nagawa akong katangahan.

Damn, ano 'to? Feeling teenager?

"Okay ka lang? Natulala ka ah?" Leila laughed beside me. "Ay, wow! Natulala sa kagwapuhan ni Mr. De Asis?"

"Gagi, hindi. Hindi naman ako sa kanya nakatingin!" Pagtanggi ko at sinubukan na siyang hilain palayo, bigla kasi akong naconscious. Hindi naman sa nagfefeeling ako, pero feeling ko ay nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin.

Probably due to anger... because I had the audacity to look at him seconds ago.

It was already 8 pm when I went home. Nakangiti akong pumasok habang dala-dala ang pasalubong para sa kambal. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto ng kwarto at gugulatin ko sana sila, ngunit agad akong napatigil nang marinig ang pag-uusap nila.

"Malapit na birthday natin! Next next next month na!" Gab happily said while holding the puzzle I bought for her.

"I know! Ano kayang regalo ni Mommy sa atin? Pero okay lang naman kahit wala na, basta kasama natin siya." Dylan answered.

"Hmm, remember what our classmates told us, Kuya?" Gab asked.

"Ang alin doon?"

"'Yong tungkol sa dad natin. I just wonder how it feels like if we meet him. I wonder what he looks like. Kamukha kaya natin siya, kuya?"

I froze when I heard what Gab said.

"Wala tayong dad, Gab. Hindi naman natin kailangan. Nand'yan naman si Mommy, mahal niya tayo."

Napapikit ako at napasandal nalang sa likod ng pintuan habang nakikinig sa usapan nila.

"I'm just wondering. Nakakainggit kasi 'yong iba. Bakit sila may daddy? Bakit tayo wala?" Gab asked again which made my eyes tear up.

"Gab, stop na. We shouldn't let mommy hear about this, baka malungkot siya." Dylan hugged her as soft sobs escaped her lips.

"I-I know, okay, h-hindi ko na hahanapin si daddy. I just can't help but to somehow wish to meet him... k-kahit na 'yon nalang ang birthday gift ko."

"Hush, Gab. Gusto ko rin namang makilala si daddy but I just don't think it's a good idea and I believe that Mommy has her reasons naman kung bakit hindi niya siya pinapakilala sa atin. Kaya let's just get used to it. Mommy's here with us naman at mahal na mahal niya tayo, 'yon ang mahalaga. Okay?"

I shook my head as tears clouded my vision.

Ang mga anak ko.

I looked at them, and when I saw them hugging each other ay tila mas lalo lang akong nasaktan.

I immediately went to the bathroom to hide myself dahil baka marinig nila ang pag-iyak ko.

After all these years, hindi ko alam na ganito pala ang nasa isip nila. I thought I was doing well, I thought I did the right thing, but now, I felt somehow selfish dahil mukhang mali ako sa parteng iyon.

Akala ko sapat na ang lahat ng ginagawa ko. But I felt stupid and guilty that I failed to think of what my children were possibly feeling. I failed to empathise with them because I grew up having my father beside me.