R.J Forever?

Chapter 27: Girl Talk and Getting Involved

TW: mention of anxiety attack but I don't go into detail about it. Anxiety attacks are different from panic attacks btw

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Ricky's POV:

Well it's  been two weeks weeks since I last talked to E.J and so far so good. I haven't been bullied or teased by any of his teammates in the last two weeks which is a good sign. Although, I did have a anxiety attack on the day that E.J ditched me when I asked him to have lunch under the bleachers and Big Red found me in a random class room and did some breathing exercises with me. He's a really big help in those kinds of situations.

I think that the fact that E.J ditched me was what triggered my anxiety  attack. It's tough to explain the feeling I get when I have anxiety attacks but I get really anxious when people who I love leave me and don't bother to explain why they left. (hint hint) People like my mother who don't even know that I'm gay who left me for fricking Todd. And yes, I know I should've texted E.J or something but in these types of situations I usually cope best by ignoring the situation and the person who caused the problem.

That's why I never stand up to bullies. I have a bad habit of ignoring the problem and the person who is causing the problem.

Over the last two weeks, I have spent most of my time in school listening to Big Red talk about his new girlfriend, Ashlyn, at least that's what he says when he talks to me about her. I'm so sick of hearing the words 'Ashlyn does this, she looks nice in this, she wants to help me with this, she's in this club, she's my new girlfriend,' It just makes me feel like a massive gay third wheel or whatever you want to call that.

I hate it so much.

And Nini and Gina are together I can just tell by the way they look at each other.

I don't think that Nini is out yet but there's something going on between the two of them and they won't tell me because it's "girl stuff"

So now I'm a third or fourth wheel whatever you want to call it and Kourtney still glares at me sometimes in the halls. Oh and everyone in school knows that I wrote 'R.J Forever?' in my science notebook because word go it out from that cafeteria bullying experience with E.J's teammates.

Yeah, I'm just trying to survive sophomore year.

Maybe I should talk to E.J about why he missed our lunch but at the same time, I kinda feel like he did ditch me like my mother did last year.

I hate it when I get close with a friend or family member and then they disappear out of my life or don't even bother to call me again.

I thought that he was different, I thought we had a connection, I thought that he liked me but I haven't gotten a single text message or call from him since that day.

The day we were supposed to meet under the bleachers and have lunch together.

"Ricky, do you know what the prompts were for the creative writing homework were? I forgot to write them down in my notebook?" I hear Big Red say next to me while I'm lost in thought staring at the chalkboard in the study hall classroom.

"Ricky? You good? Want to take a break and go to the student lounge?" I feel him nudge my shoulder but I don't budge.

"Ricky? Are you listening to me?" I feel him nudge me again.

"Huh? Oh yeah. We can study for the World History test together," I mumble to him while glancing over at Nini and Gina who seem to be braiding each other's hair in the corner of classroom.