𝕷𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝖎𝖓 𝖇𝖑𝖚𝖊 || 𝕹𝖆𝖒𝖌𝖎

My thoughts

Note: CHECK THE END PLEASE SKIP IF YOU WANNA

Hey guys, this isn't a chapter update, just my journey with BTS. Just read if you wanna.

MY FIRST FESTA AND THERE GO BTS ANNOUNCING THEIR HIATUS 😭✋🏽

I've been an ARMY since 2021 but I've known then since 2019, when I first watched 'Boy with Luv' to see what the hype about them was.

People around me had many stereotypes that BTS fans were only girls and even had many stereotypes about the boys, such as they were gay since they did makeup and they were lame and overrated.

I didn't believe the 'gay' insult because it really isn't an insult and I'm bisexual. I don't think any artist is lame, because they are where they are for a reason and obviously they have something we don't, be it money, followers or talent. But I did believe they were overrated since everywhere I went, there was something related to BTS and that annoyed me.

But after watching their 'Boy with Luv' MV, I felt like following their comebacks too. I didn't keep up with their other contents because I was never the type to be more than a casual fan to an artist. But after each comeback, I was left surprised and a little more into them. Eventually, I started knowing about them, what they were, how they are where they are today and I started loving they boys.

Cue 2020-21, I fell in depression. I wanted to come out to my parents but I was scared that I'd be disowned. I told my friends and everyone left, except a few and I was in such a dark place that I started pushing them away too. I wasn't really studying, my parents were frustrated in me, I stopped singing eventhough I can't imagine a life where I can't sing and I stopped doing and caring for everything I loved, including myself.

Then, YouTube recommended me a concert video of BTS, where Namjoon said, "Use me, use BTS to love yourself" and I cried. I cried for the first time in a whole year and that was the time I fell emotionally attached to Namjoon.

I listened to 'Black Swan' and realized why I felt so dead inside. If there's something in this world I love more than myself and my everything, it's music. Slowly, I started singing again and then I listened to 'Mono' and somehow, the vulnerability and pain in the mixtape helped me cope with my own.

I realized why people loved them more than other artists, why they were so 'hyped' and why they were "overrated".

It's because they're not like other artists.

How many artists have you seen who bare themselves open to their fans to see their emotions? And if there are artists like that, how consistent are they? I listened to their discography and realized how almost all of them were their life, stories and fear that they had to say. And I was hungry for more. I always wanted to know stories about them, their life, in any way and everyway, all while being aware that they are the first artists who made me this happy.

Well, I didn't realize that at one point of time you just run out of stories to tell.

"Once upon a time, there lived a King and his Queen in a far away land..."
There are many stories to tell about the life of King and Queen, but sometimes we forget that they were someone else, before they got married.

Many "fans" left the fandom because they hated their english songs whereas, the english songs are the one which brought me to the Fandom. Those weren't exclusively theirs but I loved them. By now, I'm a hard-core ARMY who would protect my boys from any kind of insult. I wanted and still want to be with them forever. Them as a group and us as their fans.

Then they released their Anthology, I cried again at 'Yet to Come' but still there were some "ARMYs" who said that the song was underwhelming, yada, yada, ish.

They aren't the real fans. They're just some people who took our boys for granted and want them to work endlessly as they want. The "fans" just want them to release gruesomely sad songs disguised with catchy beats and hard dance and even then they'll insult them by masking them as "unpopular opinions."

Now, last night when I recieved the notification of their Festa, I was elated. It was my first Festa with them.

And there I realized, how you can't tell tales after tales of seven very different lives for years. They were burdened with our expectations and it burnt them out.

This is what we feared. The time finally came for them when they ran out of stories to tell.

I wanted to scream, cry, shout yet I couldn't because I realized that if the boys don't take some time to themselves for now, we'll lose BTS forever. They ran out of stories, but they are willing to set out on their own journey, collect them, and then come back as BTS, stronger than ever, lovelier than ever.

I realized, they're not letting us go. They're just gathering their fragments that fell loose throughout these years so that later they can give us their all.
They don't owe us anything, yet they selflessly gave us a big part of themselves. And I'll cherish it as long as I live. As long as I'm in the Magic Shop and even after I find a way out.

They are starting a new chapter in life. I hope they find themselves to the depth, explore more, maybe find someone to spend their life with and be with ARMYs forever.

Well, forever is too long but regardless, I'll do my best to put justice to the word from my own side.

Thank you, Namjoon helping me gather my life and find the light when I was broken.

Thank you, Seokjin for making me realize that I truly didn't hate me.

Thank you, Yoongi for helping me realize that dreams in me weren't broken, just suppressed.

Thank you, Hoseok for smiling for me even when I couldn't bring myself to.

Thank you, Jimin for loving me when no one did.

Thank you, Taehyung for making me realize how being different didn't make me stand alone, but stand out.

Thank you, Jungkook for teaching me that I don't always have to be the best at everything in life.

I'll endlessly love BTS, come what may.

Kim Namjoon
Kim Seokjin
Min Yoongi
Jung Hoseok
Park Jimin
Kim Taehyung
Jeon Jungkook

BTS💜

Edit: HEKAKSKDKEKKEKS IT ISN'T A HIATUS PLEASE IGNORE MY PATHETIC STORYTELLING AND SOB STORY