ɴᴇᴍᴇꜱɪꜱ ║ ᴛᴏᴍᴍʏɪɴɴɪᴛ

Chapter 46 : Unraveling despair

It was becoming abundantly clear that Tommy was losing his mind.

Contrary to popular belief (more like just Ray's belief), he wasn't an absolute utter shit of an ass. No, he gave a lot of fucks about what the people around him were doing, and most importantly, how they were doing. He'd always be the one to provide mental support to the people around him that he cared about, which made many adore to be his friend.

Well, his current problem resided in no other than Ray, a person- a girl- whom he'd hated up until just like 2 weeks ago, and now could not get out of his mind. Sure, he and Ray made up; huge, big deal;  but he didn't realize just how much he cared for her up until recently.

Ray had just been... missing. Ever since vidcon no one's seen or heard from her. Even on the first day of school that Tommy had just finished, there were still no signs of that short-legged, brown-haired, emerald-eyed, clear-faced, pretty-faced... freak.

And it upset him just how worried he was. He knew that Ray's home situation was particularly shitty, just judging from the way that she acted when it came to them, but he also knew that she was strong-willed and confident, and would be able to deal with it on her own. But why, WHY, did it have to be stuck on his mind for like 5 days straight?? Why wasn't she responding to any messages?? Why wasn't she making any public appearances??! And why the HELL was she not showing up to college???!?!?

Ray had been his mortal nemesis for so long, and he would often dread about seeing her or talking to her. But now all that Tommy wanted was to be seen and talked to by her.

It was all too much thinking for his teenage, hormone-overflown brain for him to handle.

"Yeah, no, nothing today either." Tubbo sucked his teeth in. "I wonder whether it was that bad of a family emergency that she had to leave like that, then not respond to anything. It's like she just fell off the side of the Earth and disappeared into outer space."

"'Fell off the side of the Earth?' Are you an idiot, Tubs?" Tommy sighed, muttering the grumpy words right into the material of the sleeve of his hoodie.

"No need to be so sassy, big man." Tubbo replied, though his tone a bit more concerned now. "Are you okay man?"

"What d'you mean?"

"You've just been so... down and annoyed lately. Like surely, Ray's fine, you don't need to worry all that much. It's just a family emergency, not like she's dead or something. Wait- d'you think a family member of hers died???"

"I don't know and I don't care." Tommy replied non-chalantly as he turned over to his side as he laid on his bed, the phone right in front of him now. "I don't even like her anyway."

"Stop lying, I saw you guys on the couch cuddling." Tubbo exclaimed, clearly wanting a reaction from the other.

But Tommy didn't give it to him, simply furrowing his brows and stopping himself from slapping his own forehead. "We never cuddled, idiot. Get a life." 

"Okay, you're being a bit too harsh now." Tubbo laughed it off awkwardly, but noticing that Tommy wasn't reciprocating it, decided to stop as well. "Welp, it's late I guess. Your grumpy face needs the rest, you have wrinkles all over."

"Shut the fuck u-" Tommy began, but the call disconnected before he could finish his sentence.

Once again throwing himself on his back, Tommy looked up at his ceiling. His room was almost fully engulfed by darkness, the last rays of sunshine entering through his window, but reducing quickly by the minute.

Rays of sunshine... Ray....

 'Ugh stop it you weirdo.'
Tommy thought to himself, grabbing a pillow and shoving his face into it like a little kid.

The boy has admittedly felt like this before. In middle school he also had a crush on a girl. He remembers getting worried when she wouldn't show up to class on some days, but would be too shy to text her asking if she's alright. He'd simply have to endure this fill, tickly feeling in the pit of his stomach until he saw her again, occasionally enduring nervous migraines as well. And it annoyed him to feel the exact same way now, but with Ray.

But no, he'd never admit it. Ray was his nemesis, and a friend at most. She'd been terrible to him, both online and in real life. She'd lied to him about her identity all along, then didn't explain herself, and only did so when directly confronted.

However Tommy could not avoid the wreckage of blame that he also felt. He'd been an asshole as well, just as Tubbo had told him previously. When Ray worked up the courage to talk to him about her identity, she shrugged him off. He avoided and attempted to tease her, knowing that it'd hurt her feelings as she tried to reconcile with him.

The events of the past few weeks were swelling in Tommy's brain, and the more and more he thought about his relationship with Ray, the more he felt like the ultimate bad guy.

And although Tommy rarely made distinctions in his relationships based on wealth and societal status, he couldn't help the thought that he in no way even deserved to be in Ray's presence. She was a rich heiress, among the richest in Brain and the entire world, who was funny, kind, and forgiving. Someone who had beautiful features that half of her college loved her for. Someone who was brave enough to pursue her own dreams, ignoring all of the points made above, and thrive as a decision-making member of society.

Tommy clearly did not get a lot of sleep that night.