A Little Dinged Up (gxg)

Chapter 13

The rest of the week gave me a sense of déjà vu, and I didn't like it. Ava had started replying much less frequently than she had before the meetup at the taco truck, and it was reminding me of the breakup with Trish. The difference this time was that I knew that Ava was hurting, and I knew I was the cause, but I didn't see any way out of it before the award show event where I hoped to track Trish down.

               On the other hand, I did talk to her manager, Madison, who as Ava had mentioned had agreed to handle me as well. She mostly dealt with actors and actresses, but she had a good team, and one of her associates dealt with a few other streamers on Twitch, so they were prepared to handle me and my sponsors. I was pretty happy about that. What I wasn't happy about, was hearing that I was off the Nashville movie set of 'A Star is Killed' from her instead of from Ava.

               I had figured that was coming, so I was prepared. But I was hoping Ava could have told me herself instead of getting it this way. And of course, when I asked her about it in a text, she just told me that it was Madison's job to handle that kind of information. That was true, and yet completely beside the point. I would have liked to hear her voice, I would have liked a hug, or any type of consoling. I would like assurance that we'd be okay with her in the middle of the country while I was still in California. She'd already done so much for me. Even my nightmares had decreased to only once or twice a week. It still sucked, but that was better than the three or four times a week that it used to be.

               My heart hurt. It ached like I'd been punched right in the chest and yet I knew I had no right to. She wasn't mine. Trish was supposed to be. So, was losing your best friend supposed to hurt this much? Or was she just trying to put distance between us to protect herself? What if I thought that maybe she should be more than a friend?

               I was half expecting her to back out of the skydiving trip, but she didn't. She just told me she'd meet me there at noon, and I agreed. I mean, I had hoped to ride with her there, but it was just one more example of her distancing herself from me. Hell, at this point I was tempted to cancel the event myself since I didn't think I'd be able to show anything from this trip in a video with the depressed mood I was in.

               But maybe that was a good thing.

               The entire way there I just kept thinking of ways to bring her back to me. But at the same time, I knew I couldn't give her what I wanted yet. Maybe she was right to pull away? Should I let her? Was I just being selfish by keeping her around and giving her false hope? Don't answer that one, I know I was being selfish. I just loved having her around though. Most days I felt like I needed her just to ground me and keep me sane. She was the only person I had any kind of a real friendship with.

               I didn't have Queen Nefertiti with me today, so I drove a little faster. Since she couldn't fly with me, there was no point as I didn't want to bring her to the skydiving facility only to leave her with strangers. I thundered along the roads, so lost in my own thoughts about Ava, that I didn't even realize I'd arrived at the parking lot until I was pulling my bike into a parking spot next to the familiar red Ducati. Thank goodness for driving on mental autopilot!

               I got off the bike, and made my way to the main building, an old wooden structure that wasn't much more than an office, storage locker and a restroom. I found Ava there, already in a bright red sky diving suit. She must have gotten here in time to change! "Hey, how are you today?" I asked.

               "I'm okay. Are you ready to jump? I already paid," she said with a tired smile. She had small bags under her eyes, as though she hadn't been sleeping well, and I hoped she'd be alright for the jump. Was this time apart affecting her as much as me?