A Little Dinged Up (gxg)

Chapter 14

The bathroom floor had become much too familiar of a sleeping place for me. It was bad when Trish left, but it was worse now. With Trish, there was a sense of the unknown, that maybe she would come back some day. But with Ava, I knew it was my fault, and that she wasn't coming back unless I fixed things in my life that were keeping us apart. And yet I felt powerless to do that. Hell, I couldn't even start to fix things for a few weeks when the damned awards show was because I had no way to get in touch with Trish! Hell, I didn't even know if I'd get the resolution that I wanted there when that time finally came.

I still had images of that last day Ava and I were together. She landed in the field near the sky diving facility and took off in a sprint towards her bike. She couldn't have made it any more obvious that she had no desire to see me. Her flight suit lay on the ground near the parachute, and the sound of her bike was fading into the distance as I came in for my own landing. I didn't bother rushing, since all my stuff was in the locker, and with the head start she would make any pursuit useless. Besides, what could I say to her?

The nightmares had started up that same night. They had changed once more, and it was even worse than before. Now it was still Trish picking up the knife, but Ava was my mom who had been hit, and I kept shooting Trish over and over. Part of me thought it meant I was protecting Ava but considering that my mom was dead just weeks after these events, it didn't matter. I would keep losing the women I loved.

Shit. Did I love Ava? I have no idea. She had been the one constant for me since Trish left me and had picked up the pieces of my life one by one until I felt whole again. A different whole, but still good. How did I repay that? I kept her at arm's length and made her wait for me to get answers from the one that had shattered me to begin with. I couldn't blame her for leaving, but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

For a change, I didn't get blackout drunk for days on end this time. But I did become weak from a lack of food, sleep, the ability to keep things down at night, and misery. It wasn't like I learned my lesson, because damn I wanted to drink again. But this time, I did have Queen Nefertiti to help, so I didn't. I still hadn't got the emotional support animal paperwork filled out, but she sure as hell performed that function. When that adorable little girl is mewling in your ear while snuggling up next to you on the cold bathroom tile, you have to take action. She needed warmth, and food, and it was up to me to take care of her. Damn if the doc wasn't right.

I had to crawl into the kitchen, Titty winding her way through my arms in encouragement the entire way, until I made it to her food dish. I filled it from the plastic bin of food next to it, and she started eating voraciously. She was low on water too, and that actually made me stand up, gripping the kitchen counter for support. Once her bowl was full, I put that next to her, and felt a tiny bit better about my parenting skills. I couldn't keep doing this with her here. I had to pull myself back together. I needed food and to get my head in a better place.

Now that I was standing, I sat at the kitchen island and pulled out my phone. After two days there were only three new messages. One from Madison asking if I wanted to be a stunt double in a new Marvel TV show, yeah probably not. I wasn't in the condition I'd need to do that without Ava around. One from Georgia who wanted to make sure I was okay because I'd missed the previous day's therapy session. Oops. And one from Miki who wanted to thank me yet again for the gear I'd given her now that she was using it.

Nothing from Ava.

I wasn't expecting anything. She sent me a long text as she got onto her bike at the airfield. She'd probably typed it all up before I even arrived, and then sent it while I was still landing, and it spelled everything out for me. I'd read it at least ten times since then, and it still made my heart clench in pain every time.