The Second Chance

lost and found

When Bhavesh died, Aryan felt like his life had ended, he felt empty and lost and it just got worse each day.

He couldn't call him to tell the new song idea he just had, he couldn't tell him what nightmare he had, no one was there to stop him from slipping, except the stupid promises.

He even lost Inayat that day, because letting her go seemed much easier than losing her in the future.

But he worked hard to not focus on that, he gave it all to not feel guilty when he smiled or laughed. He talked about his feelings, not for himself but for the two people he had just lost ever so ungracefully.

In his therapy sessions, he mostly talked about being lost and having panic attacks, or the crippling nightmares that had resurfaced.

Like last night he saw himself tied to the old school benches, except he was in the middle of nowhere. Dream interpretation was now his hobby, or something that helped his pass the time.

His whole family visited him few weeks ago, he hated that he wasn't prepared, he didn't shave, his hair was mess, a complete package of a teenagers after breakup.

Even if he was nowhere to be seen, no post, no music, nothing for few months now, he still made it the news, questioning his disappearance, was his friend really that dear?

He was, moreover, he had hit the rock bottom. He didn't even understand why he felt so, he had everything. Money, fame, family everything.

And part of him couldn't accept those,  part of his was begging to vanish and go back to the basics.

He occasionally pulls his phone out and starts typing a long paragraph,but never sends it to Inayat, instead he sends it to Bhavesh, he sends voice notes to him, about everything only to never get anything back.

"I mean, I really can't go back to her. I know, I have hurt her enough and I know very well that we'll every only hurt each other," he told his therapist as he sat in the beanbag.

"Why do you say so? You have improved your drug habit, you're more stable right now, " Mr.Draht, his therapist started talking.

"We have this long history of hate and hurt, almost like a battleground still filled with mines, one wrong step and it'll blow up," he explained.

"Fair enough, how do you feel about opening up to someone new? And loving them?" He asked.

"Like ....that is impossible? Maybe it's possible, maybe eventually I will, but it's so much, hardwork. Plus unreliable," he groaned.

"Trust is important," he commented.

"I don't even trust myself right now, one day I am fine next day I can't fucking manage to get up," he cursed.

"That is nothing wrong, people need time to recover from any pain, small or big, your body demands that rest," the man explained.

"It's been months," he sighed.

"You'll be there," Mr.Draht told him.

"Wouldn't it be wrong ? I know you said it won't, he wants it, but I still feel like a criminal," he confessed.

"Moving on is hard, our mind will try hard enough to make us feel bad about it, to make it stop, but that's the best thing for the mind and the body," the man sitting in front of him explained.

"It's so hard," he mumbled.

Aryan was surprised by how much he had opened up, like everything he bottled inside came out at once. What he had been postponing for ages because, maybe he thought he'd have Bhavesh or Inayat at the end..