Breathtaking // Taekook

Chapter thirty six

It was as thought everything around the whole universe was slightly confusing and numb, there is thus a seesaw in Jungkook's emotions as he made slow steps in the hall of the hospital. He hated it there, he hated the cold air that snuggled up his skin, causing his body to shiver and his heart tightening profusingly in his chest.

It's been two days that he could see the figure of his mother disappearing through the door, or let's be honest, from his life. Jungkook didn't stop crying since then, he barely ate, sleep didn't visit him once the past two days so the bag under his eyes were more than obvious adding to how his face got all swollened with all of his tears. It was just a thump that he couldn't fight back, the void that the truth left in his heart after realizing how he gave too much hope in something that didn't even exist in the first place. The belief on the mother's affection and love.

So, after two days of curling himself up on his knees and sobbing endlessly, until there was no more tears left and only the heavy feeling of emptiness was the only thing he could have, he finally decided to move a step forward. Well, he wish he wasn't there and that he wouldn't have to do this. But it's more than needed, because among all the possible feelings he could feel, only one ate him alive and burned out his soul.

Guilt.

It would be indecent if Jungkook says he did hate his father before, but he wasn't really very fond of him either, obviously. In all his now twenty-three years on hearth, he had believed that his father was ruthless, he believed that if ever he would got hurt by how his life turned into, that would only be because of Mr. Jeon, the man that Jungkook found hard to understand, his father.

So, now that he had realized how wrong and blind he was, those two days made him push himself into a decision that maybe, slightly maybe, he could at least fix some things. He was not there to implore some kind of amnesty that he didn't even deserve, but at least he will try to do apologize. Avowing should make him feel better, right?

As he finally found the room he was searching for, with shaky hand and heavy heart, he opened it slowly. He stopped mid-track as he noticed that the turmentous coldness in the hospital hall actually didn't reach the room, at all. It was indeed warm inside, heartwarming, as if there was a pleasant feeling welcoming everyone that would visit the room. Jungkook felt relived, but not welcomed.

He watched the scene with reluctant eyes, the first thing he saw was that his father is awake and next to him were the Kim family, with Taehyung's hand comfortingly placed on the older man's as all of they were laughing along. Jungkook just stood at the door, not knowing what to do. He felt like if he would make a step forward he would ruin this radiating happiness on their faces. He felt like he didn't belong there, he didn't belong to be a part of this happiness, after all he was nothing but a heartless bastard when his father didn't have this uplifting smile on his face, he just watched when the old man was drown on his misery, he was selfish, so so selfish.

With that thought in mind, he gave up and stepped back, all his determinations fading away as he watched the four's gleaming faces with sad eyes before turning around. However, the laugher stopped and a voice calling him made him halting too.

"Jungkook?" it was Jin who noticed him first, Jungkook didn't want to turn around but if would be so obscene of him, so he did turn around, making sure to look down to not meet their surprised and confused stare.

"Why don't you come in?" Taehyung asked him as he just stood by the door, playing with the hem of his shirt like a kid that got scolded.

"I-I" the words were like stuffed in his throat so he just move his feet toward them. The silence was suffocating, he knew they were all looking at him, but what made him more anxious was the pair of wide eyes belonging to the old man laying on the bed, he couldn't look up, he felt ashamed.