Kabanata 09

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"Tinakbo ang motor at bumalik kasama ang nawawala. Hindi namin alam kung anong gagawin dahil parehong tama at mali ang nagawa." rinig kong bulong ng isang pulis sa likuran.

I always knew my hands were not the ones as they were before. It is now rough and some corners have callouses from working tirelessly. Yet gustong-gusto lang ng mga dating girlfriend ang pareho kong kamay. If I like the softness of their skin, my roughness turns them on.

Tumingala ako at puting kisame lang ang nakikita. Nasa dulo ako ng presinto, nasa harap ng isa sa mga lamesa na punong-puno ng mga papel at folders. The police that are supposed to interrogate me is not yet here; only the others that are talking behind my back, obviously aware of what I did last night.

I've been up for a day. Or two. I don't know. Basta ang alam ko ay naidala ko sa hospital si Dustin bago magmadaling-araw kagabi at bumalik sa bahay para mahila ng kapulisan. I spent my first night here, in this chair, immobile, and judging from the clock far away from me, gabi na naman.

Kumakalam na ang sikmura ko, oo, but hindi iyon ang gusto kong matapos ngayon. I wish I could still have my phone now; that way, I'd be able to ring anyone and ask whether my baby is fine or not... They confiscated everything from me...

Hungry, thirsty for any information about Dustin's whereabouts, I'm like on a trapeze, still doing my best to balance, and stop from breaking down.

Pinukol ko ang tingin sa kaliwa, kung saan may malaking bulletin board at maraming mukha ang nakapaskil doon. A policeman emerged from the door beside the board and our eyes locked. He tried to wiggle his brows but I kept my mouth shut.

Bakit walang pumupuntang pamilya ko rito?

Grabbing the pencil in front of me, I started whirling it around my fingers, thinking what could've happened that any of my family didn't know what happened. Surely this morning, kalat na ang nangyari kagabi... Surely they will know na I was included in it... Surely they will visit their son... Kanina pa umuugong ang sikmura ko,I don't even know if I'm allowed to stand up to use their bathroom.

Another police officer came in from the door at hindi ko na sana papansinin dahil baka dadaan lang at pag-uusapan ako sa likuran pero nang lumapit ito sa akin at sinabi na nasa labas ang magulang, nabuhayan ang dugo sa pareho kong binti at tinakbo ang labas.

True enough, Mama and Papa are waiting outside, their clothes are their usual pambahay and I clashed my body to theirs. Hindi ko mahinuha kung anong sinasabi nila pareho dahil pareho silang nagsasalita sa magkabilang tenga but I know for the first time, as their child, I felt scared for my life.

"Diyos ko... Anong pumasok sa isipan mo at ginawa mo 'yun?" ani mama habang may dala na paperbag.

"W-why only now?" the last word I spoke was said last night. Buong oras na nasa presinto ay hindi ako nagsasalita, saving up my story for the interrogation but I'm surprised I still sound like me...

"Kanina pa namin umaga alam pero kahit sino ay walang nakakaalam saan ka dinala."

I give him a look of ' how-about-the-Rodriguez's?' and he seemed to understand it. "Wala sila sa bahay nila maghapon. Mabuti na lang umuwi sila nang hapon, kanina, at doon lang namin nalaman kung nasaan ka."

"They went home? Si Dustin?" nginig kong bitaw. "M-may sinabi ba sila kung ano nang lagay ni Dustin?"

"Bakit mo pa iniisip iyong bata na iyon? Siya dahilan kung bakit nandito ka!" sabat ni Mama. "Diyos ko, Hendery, nababaliw ka na ba? Sisirain mo ang buhay mo sa pagkuha ng mo—"

"Tama na 'yan..." suway ni Papa. "Tama ang ginawa ng anak natin dahil kaibigan niya ang nawawala... Ganoon din ang gagawin niya kapag isa sa mga kapatid niya ang nawala..."

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