Love Beyond Emotions!

The Date.

I woke up to the sound of the doorbell. It was Sunday and the only day which I could sleep in. I looked at my phone screen and it was only 7 a.m. Who the fuck visits me at 7 in the morning? Nothing annoyed me more than someone interrupting my sleep. I got out of my bed and walked toward the door. I opened the door and saw a bouquet of flowers. Always I wouldn't say I liked flowers. Coffee and flowers reminded me of John more than anything else but I couldn't get rid of coffee because that's the only thing that keeps me alive. I picked up the flowers and closed the door. I saw a note along with them that said "Good Morning Kriti... I hope you had a good sleep. Through this, I'm officially asking you out on a date and you have no choice but to say yes. I'll pick you up at 10. Be ready!" 

It was from Martin and I wasn't mad at it. The flowers were pretty. They did nothing wrong. I quickly put those in a vase and went to shower. I had to figure out what to wear. I didn't want to try so hard. I was not interested in dates but I was curious for sure. I threw on a dress and curled my hair only because I was bored of my naturally straight hair. I scrolled through my phone just like every single day. This time there was a text from Christy wishing me luck. She was too happy for me. I know I'm giving her such a hard time by hurting myself but It's just me being depressive and I can't do anything about it. Last night I decided to give this a try. What if I could move on? It is hard but I should stop being so hard on myself. My phone beeped it was a text from Martin. I grabbed my bag and went down. He was there as always waiting for me. He opened the door for me but this time he said nothing.

"Here you go." He said handing me my coffee. Every single thing he did remind me of John. I tried not to but I couldn't stop thinking about that day. That day after he confessed. The day he bought coffee for me. The day he defended me in front of Ann. Everything felt the same. 

"Thanks," I said trying to stop my mind from roaming around. "Where are we going?" I asked just because someone had to break the silence.

"Where do you wanna go?" He asked smiling at me. His smile was like an angel. He was one fine man for sure. "I don't know. I thought you had everything planned.." I said mocking him.

"I do but if you have better things then we shall do that..." He said. "No, let's see what you've planned first!" I said smiling. He took me to a beach. I mean I always loved beaches. We got out of the car. The wind was so refreshing. He walked me towards a picnic spot. "Ta-Daa!" He said. Not the Ta-Da, Every minute I spent with him reminded me of john more and more. I tried my best to hide it. We sat down and watched the waves. The only notice was the noise of the wind and the waves. 

"Were you this silent back then too?" He looked at me "Maybee I'm not sure.."

"I don't think so. Whenever I saw you, you were the most cheerful one in the group. You were always smiling. You were the happiest and the most active one in the group.." I looked at him.

"I think you're talking about Appu. She was the hyperactive one in the group.." I said with a soft smile. "You know what I meant Kriti. You have to stop being hard on yourself. Be honest with me, You had John in your mind all this time.." I looked at him raising that he was doing all those actions purposefully. "You knew that all these reminded me of him?" 

"Of course I did! He used to buy coffee from me. I saw him giving you the bouquets with my own eyes and the way you smiled that day. I don't see that smile anymore. I don't see those sparkles in your eyes anymore. I've always dreamed of you looking at me like that one day but all I see is this. I'm not complaining. I'm ready to love you for who you are, but you should let me... I know that I am just wasting my time but I don't want to regret it one day just because I didn't try!" I saw it, the love that Christy was talking about. He looked at me like there was something worth looking at. But all I did was hurt him even more and more. "I'm sorry..." That's all I could say. I just couldn't do it. At least I tried, not my best but still I tried. 

"Stop apologising Kriti! It's not your fault. But at least show some love to yourself!" He looked away. "You can leave if you want... I don't want you to force me into loving me. That's not what I wanted ever since the beginning. All I want was to see that smile on your face again—the genuine and happy one.  Moving on will be hard but forcing you to love me is even harder. I don't want you to go through so much because of me...I'll be fine. Let's end it this way. Isn't that better? I can't promise to be a good friend because seeing you every day is not easy for me but if you need someone to listen to, don't hesitate to come to me...Come I'll drop you off.." He stood up. I looked at him walk away. Damn, He really loved me...