Lace & Leather [a Damian Priest story]

10 How could you?

Katja POV

As I held my daughter in my arms and tried to calm her down, I felt myself being stared at. Slowly I turned around. My eyes landed on Damian. Of course. I should have expected that he would not let me off so easily. 

I tried to figure out what was going on inside him, but I could not. He looked like he was stuck. That was the best way to interpret the expression on his face. I sighed heavily as I looked at the baby in my arms. This was really not how I had imagined the whole thing to be. I really kept trying to be mad at him, but as soon as I caught a glimpse of his eyes, it kind of melted away. Almost at least. A rest was still there.

"Mom, could you maybe leave us alone?" I asked my mother quietly as I turned to her.

Her eyes were also on Damian. And she looked at him suspiciously. Probably she was trying to find out if it was a good idea to leave. After a few seconds of silence she finally left, but not without giving me an inquiring look.

"Please tell me you are not serious, Kat!" Damian said quietly as soon as the door clicked shut.

"Well... she's not a doll. So I'd say I can understand if you're mad." I replied as I carefully sat down on the couch.

"I can't believe this! You kept my baby from me because you were mad at me for the stupidest shit in the world? Why didn't you talk to me? Didn't it ever occur to you that I deserved to know what happened?" he shot in a voice that was only controlled with effort.

"I'm still darn mad at you! Words hurt, Damian. Especially when they come from a person who meant so much to you. I was so convinced that you didn't care about me and my feelings. I didn't want to experience that again. You almost broke me," I replied softly.

"That still didn't give you the right to not tell me about our baby! How could you do that?" he growled as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Why are you so sure that she is your baby?" I grumbled. However, I didn't know why I was doing that. Probably because I was still kind of angry.

"Are you trying to tell me she's not? Look at her, Kat! And I know you. You would never... with a random guy... that's not you. No matter how mad you were or are at me. It's not something you sweep under the rug. What were you gonna do? Were you never going to tell me about her? I have a daughter and I don't know her! I don't know her name! I don't know when she was born! I wasn't there when she was born!" he replied while pacing back and forth in anger.

"I didn't know what to do, okay? I... I was so scared, and the last thing I wanted was for you to... I don't know... not wanting to have anything to do with her. I was scared of your reaction. You know how my insecurities and anxiety get to me. I had to make a decision. But that doesn't mean I don't regret it every day," I sniffled as I wiped the tears from my cheek.

Damian didn't say a word but just looked at us in silence for a while. The little one stretched in my arms and made these cute little noises, but her eyes remained closed. Slowly I stroked her cheek with my index finger as I suddenly felt the couch next to us dip. I lifted my gaze and met Damian's tear filled eyes.

"I am sorry that I misunderstood everything and overreacted. I'm not proud of what I did. But I am proud of this." I said as I gently put a hand to the little face that really looked like her daddy's.

"May I?" asked Damian, reaching out to touch the baby.

"Of course." replied I with a small hopeful smile and handed her to him.

Damian very gently took his daughter into his arms and looked at her closely. She looked so tiny in his arms. 

"Tell me about her." he whispered without taking his eyes off her.

"Her name is Hazel Damina Fay. She was born at 3:13 a.m. on January the 30th. She weighed 6 pounds 12 ounces and was 18.89 inches tall. Hazel was born in San Diego. I moved back there to be closer to my parents. Tomorrow, therefore, she will be exactly 12 weeks old." I explained to him as I found it harder and harder to hold back the tears.

"Damina?" asked Damian softly.

I nodded and then took a deep breath. I knew he wanted to know why I had chosen this middle name. Even though, at least to me, the answer was simple.

"I just wanted to have something to express my love for you, D. I know I made a huge mistake and I don't expect you to forgive me. But... well, if that's what you want... I want you to be a part of her life," I replied softly.

"Bluebell... I love you.... But I need time to process all of this. Nevertheless, you can always count on me to be there for Hazel... and you," Damian said softly.