Lace & Leather [a Damian Priest story]

23 Don't run

Katja POV

I looked up at Damian and held my breath waiting for his response. But even after several minutes, at least it felt like minutes, he still didn't give me an answer. Instead, he stared at me with his mouth hanging open. I was already beginning to worry. Had he perhaps not heard me? Judging from his face, he did, but I could not be sure.

"Damian? Did you hear me? Do you want-" I repeated only to be interrupted by him.

"I... I heard you. It's just...it's just that I don't know how to respond." he began to stutter and my heart stumbled a few beats before tightening painfully.

"Oh... I guess I know what that means. Just forget it." I replied in a barely controlled voice as I turned to my other side so I didn't have to look at him any longer.

"Bluebell listen... you know I love you.... But this is too fast! We've only been together for two weeks. I... this... We can't do this." he stammered as he grabbed my shoulder to turn me back to face him. 

I lay on my back and saw the conflict in his eyes. I knew he didn't want to hurt me, but it was already too late for that. My feelings were already hurt.

"I get it. You don't want to. Let's just pretend I didn't say anything." I mumbled as I wiped the tears from my cheek.

"How can I forget this? It's a serious fucking thing! It's just... it's complicated after everything that has happened." he replied as he tried to hold my gaze, but I avoided his eyes.

"That's the reason? You don't trust me..." I whispered.

"Kat, look, you've had a very upsetting day. And I don't think now is the best time to talk about it and make any decisions. Let's talk about it tomorrow after you've had time to calm down. It's better to let the subject rest now before we say things we can't take back," Damian replied.

Without saying a word, I turned away from him again and pulled the blanket over me as far as I could. Yet again, hot tears ran incessantly down my cheeks as I tried to sniffle as quietly as I could.

"Bluebell?" I heard D say, but decided not to answer.

I was already having a hard time not breaking down completely. When he got no reaction from me, Damian sighed deeply before I felt the bed move. He was probably going to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I heard the door close quietly and the water run. Immediately I tried to breathe deeply, but I couldn't.

When he came back I decided to pretend to sleep, but I was aware that I would probably not find any sleep that night. My thoughts were spinning far too much for that. What was I still doing here anyway? I could already hear the gossip. It was probably better not to accompany D to RAW. I didn't want the pity of the others.

First she gets knocked up and then she gets fired. Now she has nothing. She can't even provide for her daughter. She is a failure. Again and again I heard these words in my head.

Damian POV

All night I tried to figure out how to explain to my Bluebell why I couldn't just say yes. The truth was so complicated and maybe stupid to outsiders. But in my head it made sense.

First of all, after two weeks it was of course too early for such a big step. Even though we had a baby. And even though I didn't like to admit it to myself, I was a little unsure where this was leading us. I love Kat and Hazel, but we hardly knew each other. I also couldn't shake the fact that it still nagged at me to not have known about our daughter for so long. Then there was the fact that Kat was hurt and upset after the thing with Theory and Vince.

And then there was the little tugging feeling that I did mind Kat asking me. I was aware that it was old-fashioned and stupid, but I wanted to be the one who, when the time was right, asked my beloved for her hand in marriage.

At some point during the night, I did fall asleep. I was just exhausted, emotionally and physically. But when I woke up in the morning the first thing I thought of was Bluebell. I had to explain to her why I hesitated to answer her question.

With closed eyes I let my hand slide over the sheet to be able to pull Kat to me. I hoped that she had calmed down a little and would now let me. But my hand found nothing but a cold sheet and an abandoned pillow. Panicking, I opened my eyes and looked around the room. Kat was gone. I jumped out of bed and looked for Hazel, but her crib was also empty.

Immediately I noticed that all her things were gone. Nothing indicated that she had been here at all. I quickly put on a pair of sweatpants in addition to the t-shirt I wore to sleep. I slipped on my shoes and ran out of the room to the elevator. There stood my two as they waited for the elevator. Thank God I wasn't too late.

"Kat!" I shouted loudly. But she ignored me.

"Where are you going?" I wanted to know as I now stood in front of her.

"Home. I have no reason to be here anymore. Call me if you want to visit Hazel." she mumbled as she pressed the button again.

"You're not going home, Kat! You're running away! Again!" I retorted.

"I'm not running away. I just don't see any reason to stay! I've blown it. Again. I'm just making it easier for you D. You made your point." she said without looking at me as the door of the elevator opened and she was about to enter it with stroller and suitcase. 

But I put myself between them so that they could not go in. Now she looked at me. Kat's eyes were swollen and red. Her gaze held so much pain that it was hard to bear.

"The only thing you're doing is being stubborn. I love you and I never said I didn't want to marry you, damn it. I just don't think it's the right time. But that's no reason to give up and run away. You know I said I wasn't going to let you get out of my life again and I meant it! Kat, you can't run every time things get tough. I don't deserve this. Hazel doesn't deserve this and you can't keep doing this to yourself!" I growled as I tried to suppress my anger.

"This will always stand between us, Damian. Tell me how we're going to recover from this?" she wanted to know.

"Well, not by running away from it. We talk about it. Like adults. We'll work it out. Come back to our room and we'll talk about it." I replied as I walked towards her to give her a hug.

Kat looked up at me and I saw tears appearing again in her beautiful eyes. I wrapped her in my arms and pressed her face to my chest as I stroked her back.

"I'm sorry, D. I'm just so overwhelmed." she whispered, sniffling.

"I know. But please don't ever forget that I'll always be there. We are a family. I love you guys." I replied as I now took her face in my hands and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you too." breathed Bluebell, reaching out to me.

We kissed softly and slowly until we heard a small, impatient whimper.

"I love you too, Hazelnut." said Kat softly to a kicking Hazel.

I then took the suitcase in one hand and Bluebell's hand in the other as I led my girls back in the direction of our room. We went inside and Kat took Hazel out of the stroller to snuggle with our baby. But the moment was cut short when suddenly Kat's phone rang.

"Can you take her?" she asked me and all too gladly I took our little one in my arms.

"It's Hunter!" said Bluebell as she looked at me with wide eyes.