Till The End [Phan]

Till Death Do Us Part

Dylan wanted me dead. There was no doubt about it. It was me, or them. Not really a difficult decision if you asked me, I had nothing to lose. They were my whole life, without Dan and Phil, who was I supposed to look up to? Who was I supposed to love? Who was supposed to make life worth living if Dan and Phil weren't there anymore? I'd lost Jess, that much was clear, so with her ruled out of the picture and if Dan and Phil were gone, I had nobody. I'd go back into the care system, I'd be talked into therapy I didn't need, I'd be stuck with some other family that weren't nearly as understanding or amazing as they were. I'd be stuck as 'that girl who couldn't save her parents'. I wasn't going to live like that. I'd save Dan and Phil instead. I knew it sounded selfish, I did. But people loved them so much more than they loved me. I knew Dan and Phil would cry, but I just had to hope that they would be happy after a while.

Sean was in the shower when my phone rang with an unknown number. I almost cried actual tears as I picked up the phone, in hope that it'd be Dan or Phil.
"Hey, listen I don't know who you are but don't call again. My boyfriend and me are in America and it costs a lot to ring England okay and the only person we want to talk to is our daughter so unless you can guarantee us her safety then do not try to contact this number again." I smiled as Dan spoke. I didn't even bother trying to stop him and say it was me, I just wanted to hear his voice. He'd only been away for ten days, but the longest I'd been away from them since they fostered me was a week when I stayed with Jess- and I wasn't exactly under death threat from Dylan, either.
"Dan," I said into the phone and all of a sudden it erupted with sound,
"Jay!" Dan and Phil both shouted at the same time.
"Hey," I sniffed, "you rang from a pay phone, right?"
"Yeah," Dan sighed, "I didn't want Dylan to hack into the phone line, just in case, y'know?" I smiled at the thought of them both inside a little pay phone, trying to hear me properly,
"Yeah I know. I changed my number but I didn't want to text your phone in case he was tapped into yours and have you got any idea how much I miss you guys?" Dan laughed,
"Yeah, we miss you, too. Is everything alright? Are you okay?" Phil asked, I almost choked on my tears,
"No," I said, "well yes but no." My voice kind of broke and changed to a whisper,
"Jay, what's wrong?" Dan didn't sound at all panicked, he just sounded sad for me and I felt a bit pathetic that I couldn't stop myself from crying like I used to be able to.
"It's Dylan," I sighed, "on the first night you left he broke into the flat- I was fine, I got out but I'm, uh, I'm in Cardiff." Dan snorted into the phone,
"How the bloody hell did you get to Cardiff, Jay? What the hell?" I could just hear Phil giggle a tiny bit,
"Are you laughing? Really, have you got any idea how dangerous this is like Dan, he knows where we live now, we're in a fuck load of trouble and you're laughing that I'm in Cardiff that's great Dan, really." I really couldn't see what was funny. I was scared out of my wits, I'd climbed out of a window, Jess' only decent home had burnt down because of me and Dan was laughing that I was in Cardiff. All I really wanted, all I'd ever wanted, was a normal family. I wanted to live with my parents, I wanted to have cuddles and eat ice-cream and play board games, and go on amazing family holidays and play Volleyball on the beach in California and lay in the sun, and I wanted to crawl into bed with my dads after I'd had nightmares but my childhood was dead before it was even a dream inside my head- and pretty soon if I wasn't careful I just wouldn't have a family at all.

"How did you get there anyway?" Phil asked,
"Sean drove me. It's kind of a long story and I'll explain everything when you get back. There's kind of a change in plan now and I'm going back to London because a thing happened. And I know you guys are busy and you're supposed to have meet-ups and people are gonna be disappointed but-"
"We'll come home." Dan cut in. I felt guilty, and I couldn't help but feel like I was putting them in more danger by asking for them to come home, but I needed them. I knew fans were going to be disappointed but it really was safer if we all stuck together. I knew that maybe there was an equal chance it was going to be a bad idea. But we'd be there for each other, for better or for worse.
"Are you sure?" I asked him, yeah I needed them, I needed them more than air. But sometimes I doubted that they felt the same and that sounds stupid, but I just needed reassurance of my importance every now and then.
"We'll get on the next plane to Heathrow airport and make our way home. Meet us there and don't you dare go back to the flat to 'protect us' or whatever do you understand me Jay Lester?" It was like Dan could read my mind. As soon as he said the first plane back I was planning to go to the flat to check it was empty. If it wasn't, we could all be shot on sight or something. It'd be safer if I got back to the flat then got to the airport. Could Sean do that? I mean, they were in America, that'd take at least twelve hours. Maybe we could do that. It'd be safer. I could get there before they did and get to Heathrow, couldn't I?
"Jay," Dan repeated, "you will not go back to the flat, will you? Promise me." Not promising, I couldn't lie to him and break a promise, that wasn't fair! I huffed into the phone,
"Fine," I grumbled, hoping that I'd made it clear I didn't like what he was getting me to do,
"Jay. Promise me," he said again,
"I said okay," I huffed,
"Jay, I know you're lying," he said condescendingly,
"Oh for gods sake, how do you know?" I asked. I hated lying to them. I hated breaking promises, too. When I was with my mum it didn't really matter. Usually she couldn't remember what she'd actually made me promise, and it was normally something unimportant, anyway. But I knew that Dan and Phil were making me promise because it was important- I was important. I mean, they thought I was.
"Because I lie professionally, that's how I know. Now promise me that you won't go back there, Jay, please." I felt bad, really I did.
"I love you," I told them, "I love you both. I just want you to know that, whatever happens to us, you'll always be my dads, and I'll always love you."
"Uh, we love you, too, but promise me you won't go back to the-"
"Goodbye..." I sniffed, and hung up.