Till The End [Phan]

Happy Birthday

"Don't make me go. Please don't make me go. Just one more day, Phil. Please. I'm not ready yet..." I pleaded with Phil. I knew Phil was a lot less pushy than Dan. He was a bit soft when it came to me. Dan was for a while, but Phil would've let me get away with murder.
"Owh... Jay, you really need to go to school though... you've had three weeks off. You need to go," he bit his lip, "...okay, okay. But just today. You're back tomorrow. I mean it this time. I'll tell Dan... he's not gonna be impressed."

I'd gone back to school three weeks before and been ambushed with questions about Dan and Phil and my new life and how it felt to be away from my mum and whether I wanted counselling from the nurse or a time out card and would Dan and Phil be my point of contact on the forms or should they ring my mum still or perhaps the care home and how was I feeling, did I need to take a free period, was I okay with all my lessons... it was a pretty tragic first day back to school. I'd bunked off my fifth period and hidden in the restrooms and had a panic attack. You can see why I didn't want to go back. Nonetheless, Dan made me go back the next day, regardless of what Phil said. It was only lucky for me that I caught the flu. Unlucky for me that Dan thought I was faking. Until the school rang him the next day because I'd fainted in PE. He felt really guilty.

So here I was three weeks later, fully recovered from the flu but I'd had an emotional breakdown leading to more time off school. I just stayed shut in my room with food and Breaking Bad. It wasn't like I was up and being energetic. I just slept most of the time and when I wasn't sleeping I was either peeing, eating, or drinking coffee and then I'd sleep again. The caffeine did nothing for me.

I did get up that day. Only because I needed a change of scenery and although I'd been home for three weeks I hadn't really seen Dan or Phil so I missed them and came to cuddle on the sofa with them.

It was pretty awkward when I first walked in because they were leaning in to kiss, and I didn't want to ruin the moment so I let it happen and then I felt really uncomfortable and shifted from foot to foot waiting for it to end. It seemed to go on forever... how could they breathe like that? I was thinking about coming back in a minute but I was unsure until I heard Dan let out a low moan and that definitely made up my mind for me and I left. I guess kissing took away all your other senses... unless, did you even use any senses other than touching when you kissed someone? I don't know. I'd never been kissed before. I know, it's sad. I was almost fifteen and I'd never been kissed before. I used to wonder what it would be like. Y'know how you have that crush that makes you wonder what kissing was like? Well. I'd been a YouTube nerd for a really long time, and my first proper crush was Tyler Oakley. Yeah. Tyler Oakley that sat in the living room and ate ice cream with me. I had such a big crush on him that I didn't even ship Troyler. I'd never told anyone that I fancied Tyler. People knew I thought he was awesome, but nobody knew I had the hots for him other than me. So, yeah. That was my biggest and first crush.

I still wouldn't have minded to be honest.

Dan and Phil never actually found out that I'd been stood there. I just waited twenty minutes before I went back in and pretended that I hadn't seen a thing. Or heard, for that matter.

"Jay, you really are going to have to go back soon. Today, fine. But Monday, you go back." Said Dan, I nodded. I had no idea it was a Friday. Unless I was at school I didn't care what the date was.

Phil was sat sideways with his legs over Dan's knees. They seemed pretty interested in each other's eyes. Almost as if they'd got lost in there somehow. It reminded me of how I probably looked when I watched Tyler's videos. I coughed to get their attention. I was finally out of my room and they were ignoring me!
"Can I have a hug?" I looked down as if I'd expected rejection. I guessed that was what I was used to. Dan and Phil looked up at me sympathetically.
"Sure," Dan took my hand and pulled me in between him and Phil, "you don't have to ask." They both wrapped their arms around me and we cuddled for ages.

I started crying. I'm not sure why. But I did.
"Hey, shh, it's okay." Dan didn't question what was wrong. I was known for random outbursts of tears lately. Phil never asked if I was okay. He said there was a difference between "are you okay?" And "what can I do to help?" He always asked the second one after wiping my tears away. I didn't know what is do without them. I couldn't understand how I'd survived so long with my mum. How had I gone so long without cuddles? How could I cope without someone to wipe my tears? How did I do it? I guess the Jay that lived with my mum was different to the Jay that lived with Dan and Phil. I even let people call me Jane sometimes. Well, I say 'let'. I just didn't correct them if they for it wrong. There wasn't much difference if you ask me. I think I'd started crying because I was happy, rather than sad. I mean, it was Dan and Phil for christ's sake.

We just had a cuddly day really. With DVDs and Netflix and food. We fell asleep sometimes, but there was always something nice on the TV when we woke up. Dan took photos of me and Phil sleeping. I'm at least three percent sure I was prettier when I was sleeping. Talk about beauty sleep! Phil just looked like a graceless baby giraffe but what can you do? None of us bothered going to bed. We all slept on the sofa together. I was nearly asleep when I had a thought about the date.

"Hey," I smiled slightly, "it's my birthday... I forgot." And then I was asleep. I vaguely remember feeling Dan kiss me on the forehead and Phil holding my hand. But I was completely out of it after that. I still can't believe I forgot my birthday. I'd spent it awesomely though. It was probably the best birthday ever, come to think of it. Mum bought me a cheap cake once, but that was it. I didn't really care about presents. I mean, I wouldn't mind band shirts and an iTunes gift card, but I was cool with just being with Dan and Phil. After all, they'd saved me from my mum.

Author's Note:
Okay, so I know this chapter was a lot shorter than most of my others but it's almost three in the morning and I still have to tidy my room so take it or leave it.

Anywhore, I hope you did enjoy this chapter even though it's pretty short. If you did, please tickle me with your thumbs and give it a vote! Love you all, happy wattpading.
~ Lish xx