Till The End [Phan]

A Whole Year

(This chapter has been written in Phil's point of view because why the hell not?)

I rolled over to see a sleeping Dan curled up sweetly. It was almost ten o'clock. I let my mind try to figure out the date and smiled as I realised the weekend was finally here. That weekend was special. It was a year since we'd first adopted Jay and Dan and me got together. It was the anniversary of everything important in our lives.

Jay was constantly busy doing coursework and finding a way to meet up with Jess and her other friends, but mainly Jess, so we hadn't had much time as a family lately. She'd been excited about it for at least a week and made sure she'd finished all her homework and studied for her exams so she had no plans for the weekend.

It was about ten thirty before I heard Jay's door open and the familiar sound of her making coffee in the kitchen. I knew for a fact that she was using the Adventure Time mug. She'd silently claimed it as hers and neither Dan nor I ever used it. It was cute that a fifteen year old liked a children's cartoon- even Dan liked it and I found it quite entertaining. I also knew that there'd be two other cups of coffee on the kitchen counter when I got up. It was a routine that Jay seemed to find comforting. Anyway, Jay made nice coffee.

Dan stirred in his sleep and I stroked his face. He didn't say anything but he smiled and I knew he was awake. I loved his smile. I loved his laugh and his eyes and just everything about him made me want to hug him and never let go for anything. He was mine. Dan Howell was all mine.

"Morning," He whispered, "is Jay up?" He opened his eyes and frowned at the sunlight that was creeping through the slight gap in the curtain.
"She's up and made coffee again," I smiled, "it's a year Dan. A whole year, it's been amazing." A smile crept onto Dan's face and he looked at me,
"AmazingPhil." I rolled my eyes at him.
"Dan you're so-" I was silenced by his lips pressed against mine suddenly. It was sweet and gentle- like him. Dan was a complicated person. He spent a lot of time making himself look like an unapproachable asshat who hated everyone and everything, but really, he was kind and sensitive and loved everyone.

Jay was in the kitchen on her laptop with her earphones in when we got up, probably editing a video.
"Hey Jay," said Dan as he kissed her on the forehead and she took her earphones out.
"Morning Dan. Coffee's there Phil, they're exactly the same." She smiled at us both. Her short hair was messy indicating that she hadn't been in the shower yet and she was wearing her Gotham City Batman pyjama shirt and a pair of shorts. The morning consisted of coffee and Animal Crossing and Sonic. We all sat on the sofa under a blanket, cuddling and talking and looking through old videos- particularly Dan and Jay's. None of us actually got out of our pyjamas. By the time the evening came, we'd moved on to watching Supernatural with hot chocolates and cookies and pizza.

Jay was sat in the sofa crease between me and Dan who had our arms around her so we could hold hands. She was resting her head against Dan's shoulder with her eyes closed when her phone started ringing and she picked it up almost immediately and went into her room.
"When's she going to tell us?" Dan sighed, "I'm bored of pretending I don't know anything." Dan and I had known Jay and Jess were going out since pretty much as soon as it happened, but we agreed to let them tell us when they were ready.
"Soon I think, I mean, it's been a pretty long time." I replied. Dan shuffled across closer to me.
"I love you, Phil." he looked into my eyes and I stared back. We stayed like that for what seemed like ages,
"I love you too."

When Jay came back she sat on the sofa like nothing had happened. Dan and I looked at her expectantly,
"What?" She said, shrugging. Dan sighed,
"Is there something you want to tell us Jay?" She rushed to say no and tried to ignore us.
"Jay," I said, "you know we don't mind, don't you? It's not as if we'll disapprove, we don't mind if you're not straight." I didn't want to label her. She could be anything she wanted as far as Dan and I were concerned.
"Exactly," Dan smiled at her, "you can be a rainbow unicorn with a chainsaw tail and poop stars for all I care, we love you no matter what or who you choose to be." Jay looked up at us both and sighed. I'm sure there was more to the sigh than she actually let on. It was filled with sadness and stress and made me wonder what was going on inside her head.

There was a long silence before she spoke, and she seemed reluctant anyway, as if she was deciding what to tell us.
"Okay," she sighed, "I'm going out with Jess. I know you already knew but I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure about any of it- I mean, I know I love her, but I always thought I was straight. I've had... gender issues since I was six but I didn't understand it then. For a while when I was about twelve I thought I might be transgender... and that confused me too. I don't know if it makes any sense. If I'm transgender, I feel like I'd be more attracted to boys... but as a girl, I've never been attracted to boys in a romantic way and Jess is my first relationship so... I'm just confused about it all and I don't understand who or what I am anymore. So, if you get it then great but I didn't want to sound stupid. Mum always frowned upon my short hair and lack of dresses and makeup..." Jay let out another sigh, this time as if only a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
"Jay," said Dan, "it's okay to be confused about things like this. It took me a while to realise I loved Phil more than just my best friend, and you know what? That's okay, it'll always be okay. If you're transgender, that's absolutely fine. If you're transgender and gay, there's nothing wrong with that. We love you Jay. We would die for you." Dying was a little extreme perhaps, but Dan got his point across to Jay and evidently made her feel better. I wondered what that was all about, Jay could be confusing, but we learned to get used to it after a little while, her past was anything but pretty.

We stayed up pretty late playing board games and drinking hot chocolates and eating more pizza. It was about one in the morning before we all went to bed. Dan and I hugged Jay goodnight before going into our room,
"I love you Phil," he whispered as we were laying down, "I love you so much and I will never stop loving you no matter what happens. I love you." I was a little confused about what he'd meant,
"I love you too Dan... what do you mean, 'no matter what happens'? Nothing's happening, right?" He rolled over to look at me, even though it was quite dark, we could still sort of see each other.
"No. Nothing's happening, I just want you to know that I love you and I always will." He stroked the side of my face so gently it tickled like he was using a feather.
"I love you, Daniel. I love everything about you. You're so great with Jay. She loves you so much, so do I. I don't know what we'd do without you." I leaned down to kiss him softly on the cheek and realised he had fallen asleep. Dan was cute while he slept, he didn't snore but he made soft little sleep noises, like a baby. He was a baby, really. He was my baby.

Author's Note:

I'm so so sorry for the lack in updates. I'm not sure about this one, I've rewritten it like five times so I hope you liked it. Hopefully updates will be more regular as I'm off school at the moment and I've got ideas for the rest of the book now, so there's going to be an actual plot thing going on.

Anywhore, if you enjoyed this chapter please please please give it a vote or leave comments because I love hearing what y'all have to say. So yeah, and thank you so much for over 250 reads that's amazing!
~ Lish xx